Possibly over-reacting but MY HOUSE, MY RULES

Jinx

Ooops! lol sorry.........

I'm sure it will all work out fine, he sounds like a good guy.

pelirocco

Rain_is_Insane wrote: »

I want him home because just recently he's taking the mick (appologies to anyone called Mick)

I work in a hotel and my evening shift covers evening meals so i tend to plate up before I leave for work. If he's at college the next day, I often find the meal wasted. Which is why i'm a bit nissed.

So you cook just for him? why? The easiest thing is to let him cook ( and clear up ) for his self

Rain_is_Insane

pelirocco wrote: »

So you cook just for him? why? The easiest thing is to let him cook ( and clear up ) for his self

No, I cook for both of us and plate it up earlier...not ideal I know, but it's either that or start cooking at 8pm When I get home from work:o.

January20

Ok, my thoughts as the mother of an 18 year old.

I don't understand how he has been disrespectful in telling you he was staying out. He is 17 and he needs to start being more responsible for himself, because believe you me, when he is 18, there are a lot of things he will have to do for himself as legally regarded as an adult. He did as you said: He told you he was not going to be home but said he would be home to get ready for college. He sounds like a sensible boy.

Re the evening meal. At 17, he should either know how to use the microwave or he should just cook for himself. Learning to cook will be a great skill to learn especially if he is planning to go to university at some point in the future. I like the idea above of getting a teenager to cook a meal for the family.

From what you say, he is a great kid. Gets good grades, is polite. Give him a break. Treat him a bit more like an adult and he might start acting a bit more like one.


One thing I have learned from having a teenage dd is that you have to be clear in expressing to them what your expectations are and why. I like my dd to tell me what she is doing as I worry, particularly at night. Once she realised that I just wanted to know to put my mind at rest, and I wasn't going to curtail her fun, she became a lot more responsible, and complied. Even now she'll ask if I mind or if it's ok and tell me her plans. Communication is the key.


ETA: perhaps you need to invest in a slow cooker?

peachyprice

I think you are being very harsh on a 17yo expecting him to seek permission to go to a sleepover, treat him like a child and he will behave like one.

As for cooking for him every day and him not always being there to eat the meal, easy peasy, don't do it. I don't always cook for my 16yo's if they're not in when I do dinner. If I'm cooking something that they can easily stick in the microwave when then get home, like grilled chicken, sausages etc I'll do extra for them and they'll concoct something with it when they get home, if it's something I can't do that with they make themselves a sandwich/toast with whatever is in the fridge. If they want a meal for when they get home they know they have to text/BBM me before I cook. I certainly don't prepare a meal for them every day on the off chance that they'll be home to eat it.

From what you have said since your first post it seems as if he's a good boy, with a sensible head on his shoulders, if this is the most you have to worry about give him some slack and consider yourself very lucky.

Fizzpop

Rain_is_Insane wrote: »

My DS is 17 (and a bit, as he is quick to correct me). At his age my curfew was lifted as I was working quite late into the night.

Now....while he doesn't have an actual curfew as such, I do ask him to be home at a reasonable time, and if he would like to stay at a friends house instead I ask him to let me know as soon as possible so I don't waste food making him his evening meal, etc.

This evening, he has just phoned me and told me that he is "staying at a friends and will be home in time to get showered and changed for college in the morning"

In the words of my brother "I've grown a pair" and said "no I'd like you home tonight please"

He's just accused me of being unreasonable because I have asked him to stay at home tonight.

Am I still treating him like a child? or am I just standing my ground and quite rightly so?

My mum used to be like you she would set rules and i would try and follow them ie phone if not coming home, so if i wasnt coming home i would say "mum im not coming home tonight im staying at xxx house" only to get similar to what you said to your son, after a few months of my mum moving the goal posts i found myself a bedsit that i could afford on my wage and moved out bearing in mind i was still studying too.

That was 15 years ago, now i have kids of my own and im hoping to god i dont turn into my mum who contradicts her own rules.

newcook

Sorry but Im with your son – you asked him to let you know if he wouldn’t be home so he did.

Regarding the meals, let him cook for himself if you are sick of cooking and him not eating it! If you are used to cooking for more than 1 then either freeze it or stick it in a tuppaware box for the following night (also saves you cooking every night!)

As for the girl being brought back – if you don’t want him to have girls stay you need to tell him that the other night was a one-off and you don’t appreciate being put on the spot and you don’t want any girls staying over.

claire16c

Rain_is_Insane wrote: »

He's 17...still at college....I provide for him (apart from his EMA of £25 a week from beneast which gets spent on tobacco and phone credit)...I think a little respect wouldn't go amiss here.

Like I said, I'm probably over reacting but it has really niggled me that he didn't say "mum is it alright if I stay out tonight" and instead I got "mum i'm staying out tonight but i'll be back for a shower in the morning.

I work in a hotel...I don't run one!!!!

Id personally be more concerned my son was smoking rather than staying over at a mates, regardless of the way you were told about that.

pimento

My advice would be pick your battles. I learned not to sweat the small stuff. He called to let you know where he was so I don't see what the problem is really.

If you're wasting dineers, don't cook for him. My 19 year old will cater for himself most of the time.

dirtysexymonkey

im siding with your son. you sound like a nightmare. you want him to act like an adult but still treat him like a child. you asked him to follow your rules and he did, and now your moaning because hes not under your control.

why are you letting him break the law too? smoking is illegal for those under 18. why havent you put a stop to that?