Did anyone Used to Get Smacked as a Child?

RacyRed

delain wrote: »

I think Blue Monkey is doing right by her DD, and you're getting on my nerves

Ditto.

I don't have kids either but I know enough about them to understand the frustrations of parenting. Person_one, I wish I lived in your apparently ideal world. You do not appear to understand the depth of love Blue Monkey has for her children or that it is that very love which is the source of her anguish and frustration. She is frightened and exhausted. I've read nothing in her posts to suggest that she needs anger management.

Bue Monkey, one suggestion occurs to me when reading your posts. Could you find some affordable craft/art orientated play schemes for your daughter? Wait for an occasion when she has been good and tell her you are sending her on one as a treat for being so good and it is a shame that her brother will miss out on the fun but he isn't getting that treat.

I know you see this as dumping her, but done occasionally and like this, it isn't. Really, it isn't. There are times when both parent and child need a break from each other, just the same as in any other human relationship.

As your daughter obviously loves crafts she may really appreciate this?

balletshoes

it does sound like a very difficult situation all round blue_monkey, no wonder you're exhausted with it all.

ska_lover

Blue-monkey you sound like you are doing a good job in a difficult situation to me.

It is really hillarious to watch someone with no experience of a subject try and lecture and patronise someone.

Blue-Monkey must be laughing at the comments that self important Person One is making. It is like me trying to tell Nasa how to build a space rocket...

If you do not have kids of your own, you can not possibly understand what this woman is going through or comprehend what she is saying, never mind attempt to put her down for it. To live with what she is living with day in day out is completely out of your understanding unless you have been there.Take a seat before you hurt yourself.

Zoetoes

blue_monkey wrote: »

The problem I have ballet is I cannot just go 'here, there and everywhere' like other families do because of my son. He needs 1:1 and he has severe behaviour issues so I cannot take the pair of them together, on my own. We have to go with friends or people that can accompany us (I have even paid £1000 for someone to come on holiday with us before because my husband was rejigging the bathroom for DS needs and we could not be at home). So this is what we do, arrange to meet with people and do things. We have been doing Geo-caching lately.

If I send my daughter to the playscheme, trust me, she will be more angry because DS is here with me. She is not sporty at all, I've tried to get her into the swimming ones, syncro, dance and drama, she is just not into any of those, they did a pony one but she got allergic to horse and animals - there is not a lot else left except this other one. And it is pretty crummy, they have told me if a child wants to leave, they can. She is currently at a sleep over with a friend til tomorrow.

Almost every day we have met up with people, we are not here on our own and we are seeing people so we are socialising, however it is never going to be enough, is it?

I keep meaning to have a go at that Geo-caching thingy after seeing it on here a couple of weeks ago, son would love it!

blue_monkey, just wondered if your school has an after school club? I use it for my 10 year old a couple of days a week, I feel comfortable with it as it's within the school grounds and he's with other kids from school that he knows so it's all familiar to him, and it's only £6.50 per night (after school until 5.45pm) including a snack (soup, hot dog, wrap etc).

I know it doesn't help with the school holidays but maybe it would give you a little bit of extra time during term time? Or our one also run a holiday club but I haven't used that yet, perhaps they have that at your school?

I'm not suggesting you should 'palm off' the kids at every opportunity, but give yourself a bit of a break while not worrying about where your daughter is, you deserve a break!

Person_one

tiamai_d wrote: »

And your thinking of gametes that you keep to yourself. A zygote is the cell formed when two gametes join (fertalisation) and is the first stage of an embryo.

You're right, I got the two mixed up. Oops. I should know better I've written posts like that about a million times to smug parents.

Zoetoes

delain wrote: »

There are some (admittedly on estates) in Bournemouth where children over 8 can come and go without signing in or out.

There was only a church holiday club here for two hours a day for 5 days. It was very good and very structured though, my lit go every year and enjoy it.

That's what I was wondering, I'm sure some play schemes the kids just come and go.

peevedandlostforideas

I was smacked as a child in all but two of my seven foster homes.

Did it do me any harm? Probably. They weren't my real parents so maybe it isn't the same, I wouldn't know.

I think though that if there is a possible way to sort things without resorting to physicalities then they should be explored first.

I am not a parent, so i'm mainly looking at it from the child on the receiving ends view. In my experiences, those doing the smacking didn't gain my respect. The foster parent I respected the most was the one that sat down with me and spoke to me and spent their time with me.

blue_monkey_2

Zoetoes wrote: »

You said she has 'quite a temper' and suggesting that it is contributing to the situation at home. The little girl's behaviour is the cause. Counselling is not for everyone and how would it 'solve the problem'?

I do not usually have many off days, period is due tomorrow and so I guess this is one of them, i was actually in a good mood til I read this thead and was told - pretty much - that person-one would come and take my daughter off me because I was clearly a rubbish parent.

Impressive stuff really.

I am sure councselling would help - parents of disabled children get nothing so might as well take something if it is free.

And why would my daughter feel dumped - because my son gets to stay home with me and she gets put in the playscheme - which she does not want to go to. And that to her feels like a punishment and it feels like she has been sent away while her brother gets time with me on his own. We have had this conversation with her, believe me, we get all of the leaflets in the bags. The ony place she would go is the pettery one but they only have the things where you go with mum and dad - but then I can get no-one to look after my son so I can take her and here we have it......

The council led ones the kids can come and go as they please. I posted a thread on this when I moved here and found out about them. The staff cannot stop them leaving if they want and as it is 6 miles away, pretty irresponsible of me to leave her there. The others are in sports centres doing sports, she does not want to go to them as she is not very sporty.

Well, I am going to go and eat some chocolate and crisps - my vice in life. Thank you to the people who understand what my life is about, I feel a bit better now, I felt like I was banging my head on a brick wall at times.

As for suggesting counselling - maybe better provisions for disabled children might be the better option so at least I would then be able to spend time with my daughter and have 1:1 with her in the holidays - instead of calling everyone to be told my son is not welcome there. Whatever option I take the other child is going to feel left out - counselling is not going to solve that.

Person_one

ska_lover wrote: »

Blue-monkey you sound like you are doing a good job in a difficult situation to me.

It is really hillarious to watch someone with no experience of a subject try and lecture and patronise someone.

Blue-Monkey must be laughing at the comments that Person One is making. It is like me trying to tell Nasa how to build a space rocket...

Not really, Nasa is quite good at building rockets, Blue Monkey is really struggling with parenting her child. I don't think pats on the back and sympathy are all that helpful, some professional assistance might be but apparently its beyond the pale to even suggest that.

Person_one

ska_lover wrote: »

Blue-monkey you sound like you are doing a good job in a difficult situation to me.

It is really hillarious to watch someone with no experience of a subject try and lecture and patronise someone.

Blue-Monkey must be laughing at the comments that self important Person One is making. It is like me trying to tell Nasa how to build a space rocket...

If you do not have kids of your own, you can not possibly understand what this woman is going through or comprehend what she is saying, never mind attempt to put her down for it. To live with what she is living with day in day out is completely out of your understanding unless you have been there.Take a seat before you hurt yourself.

At what stage of pregnancy do they hand you the secret parenting bible that nobody without kids is ever allowed to see?