Did anyone Used to Get Smacked as a Child?

blue_monkey_2

balletshoes wrote: »

blue_monkey how about a holiday playscheme? I can totally understand that being home, or being out, joined at the hip to both your children 24/7 is hard hard work, especially if you feel like its a constant battle with one of them.

Your daughter is old enough to go to a council-run holiday playscheme - ours is run on a first-come, first-serve basis each morning. She could be there running off steam, playing and learning new sports etc, and you could get a break. Offer to take a friend of hers with her, that way she will have one face she knows, to start off with.

I am one of those parents who has to work during at least half of the summer school holidays, so my daughter has been with my sister or my mum for some of the time. Last year she went to holiday playscheme with my niece for a few days, and they both really enjoyed it.

Because surely that then defeats the point of staying at home with them?

As much as I would love to I would feel I would have failed by sending just one of them there - trust me, i have looked, it is £26 a day here. I have even been told on here that having them home for the 6 weeks should be 'a joy'.

We was at the free playscheme and she did not really 'gel' or play with anyone. Certainly not to the point of me leaving her there, there was a lot of swearing going on as well, if anything I think she would have come home with more habits.

No-one will take my son - he has too many 'needs' and needs 1:1 care at places like that. So that leaves just DD and she will no doubt feel I am sending her away and will tell me she hates me all over again because I sent her and not her brother.

Still, only another 2 weeks to go and they'll be back at school.

blue_monkey_2

Person_one wrote: »

Blue Monkey, it leaps out at me that you say you've tried every punishment going and that "Remember, from your statement she should know by now because I have already punished her".

Punishment is not how children learn, negative reinforcement isn't very effective. Did you ever explain to your daughter why she isn't allowed the sharp scissors? Tell her the harm they can do, that its because you love her and want to keep her safe and that she can have the sharp scissors when she's older?

If she's perfect at school, why not ask her teachers for their advice? It sounds like you've given up, decided that she's 'challenging' so there's little hope for her. You might not like it but yes I feel terribly sorry for her. Food on their plate isn't enough for a child.

To the bold. Seriously?? Of course I have. We even have books on saftey because they are visual aids for my son - thus proving that you have no experience of what you are talking about. Do you have any experience with Special Needs children you can pass on as well? Punishments then have to come in because she has not listened to those and does them over and over. She knows more than well scissors cut and stab so why try and punch her brother why holding them and leave them open on a sofa?

And I have asked at school. I appreciate my post was long but I was told to send her to bed at 8.30 instead of 8.00 so she could have half an hour with me. She needs her sleep so I did not do that. However, given the choice of having a strop or sitting reading with me, she will choose to sit on her room and have a strop.

Please feel free to come around and give her what I can't. Maybe you feel you can give her a better life than I can, what time would you like me to drop her off. Are you going to charge or will this be free? Best check you are CRB registered though.

Plese go ahead feeling sorry for her as you have absolutely no idea what it is like living with a child with diagnosed Special Needs - let alone possibly having 2. You would not even last a day with a child like mine, let alone almost 9 years - depsite what you think. Even friends of mine who said they would never smack and would be horrified to think they could smack their children (when they were babies) have smacked for something. As for my son, no-one will have him because of his condition - my daughter has not let hers slip.... yet.

To sit there with NO experience other than a few hours a week with children that are not even yours and tell us what you think we should be doing is distasteful and disgusting. Go polish your halo, I think it might have a mark on it.

Person_one

blue_monkey wrote: »

In the same way dog-free people have no experience in bringing up a dog. You'd not stand up the park telling dog owners what they were doing wrong with their dogs because you'd have absolutely no idea!!

Yes I would, if it were dangerous.

delain

Here we only have play rangers at the parks... which in theory sound great until you reaslise they're only at our park twice all holiday, the others are a bus ride away at least... Oh and it's rained and been windy almost all holiday!

Person_one

blue_monkey wrote: »

To the bold. Seriously?? Of course I have. Punishments then have to come in because she has not listened to those. She knows more than well scissors cut and stab so why try and punch her brother why holding them and leave them open on a sofa?

And I have asked at school. I appreciate my post was long but I was told to send her to bed at 8.30 instead of 8.00 so she could have half an hour with me. She needs her sleep so I did not do that. However, given the choice of having a strop or sitting reading with me, she will choose to sit on her room and have a strop.

Please feel free to come around and give her what I can't. What time would you like me to drop her off. Are you charging the same price as a playscheme?

If I knew you in real life, trust me, I would be offering to take her when I could.

What's the point of asking for advice from the people who know how to deal with her successfully if you don't bother even trying it?

You're very aggressive towards people with no children, but doesn't your own situation tell you that it can be very sensible to seriously consider whether or not to have them and, in some cases, realise that it isn't right for you?

lynzpower

You might feel you are "failing" but the you seem to suggest everyone "else" tells parents they are failing when actually you are saying it yourself. You dont think its acceptable for the child to socialise with other children on a supervised play-scheme, instead keeping her with you in a tinderbox relationship?

You said some of theplayscheme was free and she did not "gel" with anyone. Well it takes time to be honest especialy if your mother is supervising your play and interaction with other children and adults. At 9 years old I would have expected to be able to make play friends at a play scheme without mother standing over me telling me what I can and cannot do to the point where I would not be allowed to continue playing there even though the provision was free.

Every child will be exposed to swearing, you cannot legislate against that I am afraid.

blue_monkey_2

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

Sounds like you need some hidden cameras to show the reality. It may be no consolation but your daughter obviously feels safe enough with you to let her anger and frustration out. Just hope her good behaviour for others stays with her despite her anger management issues at home.

You know, I hope that it starts to slip (girls with ASD are picked upmuch later for this reason, usually age 13) because until that happens I will not get any help. I have told the support worker, her teachers and also my son's doctors - not one of them has taken me seriously. Until she starts 'flipping' elsewhere, I have no chance.

I have got some of her tantrums taped already because I thought I would show the doctors, they were not interested really.

When she gets angry and flips out I ask her what she feels and why she says she does not know.

She gets homework on a Friday and it has to be in Wednesday - she has an hour of crying every day and it gets thrown around and she screams she cannot do it - until the Tueday night when it has to be done and she cries but then gets on and does it. it'll be perfect, she'll get a merit - come Friday the same thing happens all over again. I started ignoring it til a tuesday but then she started coming home from school on Friday saying it had to be done for Monday and would start all over again. you just have to get her get on with it as if you try to reason with her she just attacks you and screams at you. It just seems there is no sense in it at all.

Anyway, I turned this thread into me. I was just trying to explain how some parents 'can just get on with it - my son's child is an absolute darling, does what he is told, when he is told, if she just as much as shouts at home he has learned his lesson and he will never do it again, she would never even have to raise a voice at him, let aone a hand - and then you have children such as mine who make getting out of bed a challenge each day.

balletshoes

I think in your situation blue_monkey, I'd try at least a day at the playscheme (the free one, and take her friend with her). You reckon you're damned if you do, damned if you don't, and at least if she's at playscheme you are getting a break from each other. If you put it to her as a positive thing, she's getting a day with her friend, playing games and having lunch out together etc, all very grown up without mum there, might she be a bit more receptive to it?

Person_one

blue_monkey wrote: »

She gets homework on a Friday and it has to be in Wednesday - she has an hour of crying every day and it gets thrown around and she screams she cannot do it - until the Tueday night when it has to be done and she cries but then gets on and does it. it'll be perfect, she'll get a merit - come Friday the same thing happens all over again. I started ignoring it til a tuesday but then she started coming home from school on Friday saying it had to be done for Monday and would start all over again. you just have to get her get on with it as if you try to reason with her she just attacks you and screams at you. It just seems there is no sense in it at all.

Why not just let her leave it until Tuesday?

delain

Person_one wrote: »

Why not just let her leave it until Tuesday?

Because that lets her think she will be allowed to do that forever - and being 9 - secondary school and loads of homework isn't far off!