Did anyone Used to Get Smacked as a Child?

lynzpower

So does your daughter have ASD? Sorry I misread, I thought you said it was her brother that had it ?

blue_monkey_2

lynzpower wrote: »

Well I mean I dont know honestly. I dont know why you children's support worker says you cant take money off a child, personally that would be the first thing I would do, adn would be punishing by removing the many privileges ( freinds, days out and so on) Why should a child get the rewards if they dont behave nicely?

You see my point then. I was talking about this on another thread - we are told all the things we can and cannot do - actually, no-one has a clue and eveyrone contradicts themselves.

Apparently is is 'damaging' to remove things from children. Physcologically probably. She told me to do star charts for rewards, only my DD used to rip them down and rip them up if she was not getting the right amount of stars she thought she 'deserved'.

Childrens worker came round because of my son's Autism, she had no idea and just bought her book with her and used to flick though it and get me to photocopy the pages to help me (I had a photocopier/scanner). I could have bought the book cheaper on Amazon for the amount of ink I was using.

She bought some books for me to 'borrow'. One of them was about Anger issues and she said I could read it to DD to help her deal with her anger when she feels cross. Lucky I read it first because it was a childrens story book about how the little girl, when she got angry, would run off into the woods and come back home when she felt calm. !!!!!!!! I told her it was inappropriate for my DD as she would probably feel that now she could run off into the woods (aged 6!!) when she was upset.

Person_one

tiamai_d wrote: »

If you ever have children the world is going to hit you like a brick. Do you really think its that simple? One day you too will laugh at the naivety of some people who do not have children.

I never cease to be amazed at the arrogance and closed mindedness of some parents, who apparently think that reproducing provides you with some special magical insight and that anyone who keeps their zygotes to themselves has no right to an opinion.

Why would having children suddenly make me think its ok to hit them?

Zoetoes

blue_monkey wrote: »

No, anger is not the only attention she gets from us, that is the problem.

Anger is the only thing I get in return. Even after a fun day out or a holiday it'll be met with words of hate or screaming.

We cooked the other day and she wanted to ice hot cakes, that was met with a tantrum because she did not want to wait for another half an hour.

She has a choice of having a nice bedtime story or having a screaming tantrum and going to bed early, she will continue the tantrum. If she starts to have a tantrum she is given the choice of carrying on or going to bed, she should (IMO) be old enough to make the choice of spending time having a story with me. The tantrum will be over something minor like having pyjamas that are too short in the leg.

I do not hate my child but I am told at least every day how much she hates me. Kind of gets you down after a while - hate is not the right word. Frustration and upset - I do not feel like this all the time but I've had 4 weeks of it now day in, day out. Being told you are a FAIL on here because your child is not perfectly behaved as society 'expects' is disgusting because some people have no conept of how life is with some children.

As a parent, being told by your child how much they hate you when you give them so much is not too much fun either. I can promise you that.

I laid in bed this morning thinking that maybe I did not give them enough this holiday, time, friends, days out - but we have actually something every day, even if it is not all day. See, you even start to doubt yourself.

I do think it is easier if you have somewhere/someone to palm them off to though as you get time to yourself. This week we went to a play centre where children just get left there, there were around 100 children but just 5 parents there. That is why the other parents are enjoying the holidays, they are happy to dump their kids there and go off shopping or get a break at work. I would feel too guilty about that so they are with me.

You don't sound like you hate your child, you sound exhausted and could do with some appreciation. Anyone who is a parent should be able to understand that.

Sometimes I look forward to going to work for a break!

blue_monkey_2

lynzpower wrote: »

So does your daughter have ASD? Sorry I misread, I thought you said it was her brother that had it ?

Her brother has it but it runs in the female side of my family, sisters, aunts etc....

Does she? I have no idea - looking at her behaviour yes, but diagnosed, no.

I have no-one to back up how her behaviour is. It was hard enough getting a dx for my son WITH the schools back up. I just feel they'll laugh at me if I go down there and tell them what she is like at home.

balletshoes

blue_monkey how about a holiday playscheme? I can totally understand that being home, or being out, joined at the hip to both your children 24/7 is hard hard work, especially if you feel like its a constant battle with one of them.

Your daughter is old enough to go to a council-run holiday playscheme - ours is run on a first-come, first-serve basis each morning. She could be there running off steam, playing and learning new sports etc, and you could get a break. Offer to take a friend of hers with her, that way she will have one face she knows, to start off with.

I am one of those parents who has to work during at least half of the summer school holidays, so my daughter has been with my sister or my mum for some of the time. Last year she went to holiday playscheme with my niece for a few days, and they both really enjoyed it.

Person_one

Blue Monkey, it leaps out at me that you say you've tried every punishment going and that "Remember, from your statement she should know by now because I have already punished her".

Punishment is not how children learn, negative reinforcement isn't very effective. Did you ever explain to your daughter why she isn't allowed the sharp scissors? Tell her the harm they can do, that its because you love her and want to keep her safe and that she can have the sharp scissors when she's older?

If she's perfect at school, why not ask her teachers for their advice? It sounds like you've given up, decided that she's 'challenging' so there's little hope for her. You might not like it but yes I feel terribly sorry for her. Food on their plate isn't enough for a child.

lynzpower

blue_monkey wrote: »

Her brother has it but it runs in the female side of my family, sisters, aunts etc....

Does she? I have no idea - looking at her behaviour yes, but diagnosed, no.

I have no-one to back up how her behaviour is. It was hard enough getting a dx for my son WITH the schools back up. I just feel they'll laugh at me if I go down there and tell them what she is like at home.

Why do you feel you will be laughed at then if it runs in the female side of the family?

Maybe she is not like this at school because of something in the environment there that you may be able to replicate at home?

blue_monkey_2

Person_one wrote: »

I never cease to be amazed at the arrogance and closed mindedness of some parents, who apparently think that reproducing provides you with some special magical insight and that anyone who keeps their zygotes to themselves has no right to an opinion.

Why would having children suddenly make me think its ok to hit them?

No, it might make you think that parenting is not the bed of roses you think it is.

Usually the heads fall off after a couple of weeks and all that is left is some thorny sticks.

You have got no right to be 'disgusted' at others parenting methods either, they are THEIR children and they can punish them how they want. If you feel there is a child abuse issue, report it, otherwise let the parents punish their children in their own way if they feel it works for them.

Do you agree with the support worker? That taking things from kids phsycologically damages them?

This is the problem we have with the country right no, too many people (most of them without kids) thinking they have a right to tell other people how to parent and to scream their disgust when they punish in a way that is not acceptable to them when they do not know of the challenges life throws at them.

In the same way dog-free people have no experience in bringing up a dog. You'd not stand up the park telling dog owners what they were doing wrong with their dogs because you'd have absolutely no idea!!

Mrs_Arcanum

blue_monkey wrote: »

Her brother has it but it runs in the female side of my family, sisters, aunts etc....

Does she? I have no idea - looking at her behaviour yes, but diagnosed, no.

I have no-one to back up how her behaviour is. It was hard enough getting a dx for my son WITH the schools back up. I just feel they'll laugh at me if I go down there and tell them what she is like at home.

Sounds like you need some hidden cameras to show the reality. It may be no consolation but your daughter obviously feels safe enough with you to let her anger and frustration out. Just hope her good behaviour for others stays with her despite her anger management issues at home.