Did anyone Used to Get Smacked as a Child?

blue_monkey_2

lynzpower wrote: »

You might feel you are "failing" but the you seem to suggest everyone "else" tells parents they are failing when actually you are saying it yourself. You dont think its acceptable for the child to socialise with other children on a supervised play-scheme, instead keeping her with you in a tinderbox relationship?

You said some of theplayscheme was free and she did not "gel" with anyone. Well it takes time to be honest especialy if your mother is supervising your play and interaction with other children and adults. At 9 years old I would have expected to be able to make play friends at a play scheme without mother standing over me telling me what I can and cannot do to the point where I would not be allowed to continue playing there even though the provision was free.

Every child will be exposed to swearing, you cannot legislate against that I am afraid.

I am not failing at all. person-one (no kids) has quite clealy said parents are failing for punishing their children. I have no failed at all in being a parent - no parents fail, they bring them up the say they see fit - only others tell them have failed it is disgraceful to do that when you do not have the experience to do so.

I have not palmed my kids off on anyone, nor have I shoved them in the free playscheme like some parents do when they have had enough of them - I put up and deal with it. That is what being a parent is, not dumping them when you have had enough as you are clearly suggesting I do.

Aside from this, you also have to consider that she is going to feel I do not want her with me because her brother cannot go and has to stay here with me - how much do you think this is going to damage her? Have you given this ANY thought?

I did not stand over her at the playscheme, you are very wrong and as you was not there do not know, this is not what the playscheme is. She was left quite happy to get on and do thing, what I did see though is her wanting to do crafts and there was no-one on the craft table, hardly any materials just a 4 year old that had been left (sorry, dumped) chucking all the beads on the floor.

No, I am not going to palm her off - school is for socialising as is Brownie camps and when we meet up with friends or go to the park. She is not a child that mixes readily or is sporty. Yet you can judge me for not palming her off in a strange environment. That would not be a very good parent in my eyes, sorry.

Do you think she is not going to be angry when she gets home because she has been left there? Do you think that is going to make her happy? Do you suggest that giving your kids to someone else to look after because you cannot be botehred is acceptable? Sorry, but I do not. They are not even looked after there and they can leave whenever they want - and this is not acceptable to me. Clerly our views on parenting are very different. You call it 'socialising' when really all you are suggesting I do is dump her somewhere with strangers because I have had enough of her. And then I go and see her friends without her. Funny ideas you have really.

And if I can minimise the time I expose my children to swearing then I will. And we wonder why children grow up with no moral values.

blue_monkey_2

Person_one wrote: »

If I knew you in real life, trust me, I would be offering to take her when I could.

What's the point of asking for advice from the people who know how to deal with her successfully if you don't bother even trying it?

You're very aggressive towards people with no children, but doesn't your own situation tell you that it can be very sensible to seriously consider whether or not to have them and, in some cases, realise that it isn't right for you?

Seriously, you're advice is suggesting I tell her? Do you really think I am stupid?? You clearly can see I have a child with Autism and if you knew what that entailed you would nto even have asked that question. This is where your advice fails I am afraid. A big fat fail.

I am not aggresive towards people with children, I am suggesting those with children should not tell people how to parent when they do not have them.

I know sod all about sports, gardening or fishing so I cannot tell anyone how to do any of them because I have no idea. You do not see me hanging around on the gardening board because I have no idea on how to garden - just like you have no idea of how to raise children other then the ones you see a few times a week. You'd make a great social worker though, I have to say.

Person_one

delain wrote: »

Because that lets her think she will be allowed to do that forever - and being 9 - secondary school and loads of homework isn't far off!

I did most of mine the night before all through secondary school, even at uni sometimes, still got a first.

It seems she understands the concept of deadlines and will get the work done in time, so why not let her do it the way she's comfortable with? I have to say, even as an adult, I'd be pretty annoyed if a boss gave me a task that needed to be one within 5 days and another manager stood over me saying I had to do it right this second.

Worry about her not doing her homework when she actually doesn't get it done on time, don't borrow trouble!

Person_one

blue_monkey wrote: »

Seriously, you're advice is suggesting I tell her? Do you really think I am stupid?? You clearly can see I have a child with Autism and if you knew what that entailed you would nto even have asked that question. This is where your advice fails I am afraid. A big fat fail.

I am not aggresive towards people with children, I am suggesting those with children should not tell people how to parent when they do not have them.

I know sod all about sports, gardening or fishing so I cannot tell anyone how to do any of them because I have no idea. You do not see me hanging around on the gardening board because I have no idea on how to garden - just like you have no idea of how to raise children other then the ones you see a few times a week. You'd make a great social worker though, I have to say.

Tell her what?

I was referring to the school's advice about letting her stay up until 8.30.

I'll ignore your attempts at insults, but you obviously have quite a temper, have you considered that it may only be making things more fraught and thought about getting some help managing it? Your GP can refer you for CBT if you ask.

blue_monkey_2

Person_one wrote: »

Why not just let her leave it until Tuesday?

Thank you delain.

And because you did not read my entire post - I understand it must be a struggle.

I was leaving it until Tuesday - until she came home from school with it, in hand, saying she had to do it on Friday night (which clearly she did not as there is no school on Saturday but someone must have told her otherwise) but she would get upset - after an hour of crying she would give up and then say the same thing on Saturday, and Sunday (as this is when her brothers had to be done), and Monday (as other kids had handedtheir in and she was now behind) and then on Tuesday it would get done.

I even had a school friend over to try and get them both to do it together but that did not work either

She just does not seem to understand something that simple. It only takes 15 minutes for her to do - if that. And once she is in that frame of mind ther eis no getting her out of it until the tantrum is over.

The tantrums are an outlet for everything else she has been holding in for the entire day and we get the full brunt of those because we are her 'saftey net'.

I am not going to let her get her own way just for an easy life, that teaches her nothing, all it does is tell her that she can scream and get what she wants. Yes, that would make MY life easier now (and boy, it would) but it does not makes hers easier as you cannot do that as an adult, nor can you do that around other people.

balletshoes

blue_monkey I'm really trying to understand your point of view. On the one hand, earlier you said that because you have no close family or friends who can take your children for a break, you are with them all the time. But from what you've said in your last few posts it seems you won't consider any other alternative, and you do consider it normal and preferable to spend all your time with your children.

You think that the only reason children would be left at a playscheme is because their parents want to offload them. Not at all, in my experience. I knew a few of the kids who went to my local one last year, most of the 10-year olds and upwards went because their friends were going, and they got to spend the day together (from 10am to 3pm, and no-one could leave until a parent/guardian signed them out). My daughter did go because I was working, but thats why I took her cousin with her, so they had each other while they were doing the activities. Thats why I suggested you take a friend with her.

Maybe if the playscheme is not a structured one, its not a good idea and your daughter would be bored. But I still don't think that children only get sent to these kind of events just because their parents can't be bothered with them - what about the themed schemes, like holiday swimming lessons, tennis etc? Parents send their kids to those so they can learn and get better at something which is good for the kids, or interests them.

I'm off work with my 10-year old this week, and the week and a bit before she goes back to school. We've been here there and everywhere this week (not at home) and at the end of August she has some playdates, outings etc organised which I will not be present at - not because I'm offloading her, but because she wants to go, and to her spending time with her peers is far more interesting than spending all her time with me - and I have no problem with that .

Zoetoes

Person_one wrote: »

Tell her what?

I was referring to the school's advice about letting her stay up until 8.30.

I'll ignore your attempts at insults, but you obviously have quite a temper, have you considered that it may only be making things more fraught and thought about getting some help managing it? Your GP can refer you for CBT if you ask.

Goading isn't helpful.

blue_monkey has been open and honest about her parenting and her feelings as a parent, and to be fair is taking some stick for her honesty.

There are too many ready to jump on any little imperfection and say how they'd do it better. (this is not aimed at you Person_one)

What's that saying - walk a mile in their shoes...

delain

Person_one wrote: »

I did most of mine the night before all through secondary school, even at uni sometimes, still got a first.

It seems she understands the concept of deadlines and will get the work done in time, so why not let her do it the way she's comfortable with? I have to say, even as an adult, I'd be pretty annoyed if a boss gave me a task that needed to be one within 5 days and another manager stood over me saying I had to do it right this second.

Worry about her not doing her homework when she actually doesn't get it done on time, don't borrow trouble!

I did mine the night before too... and when I got to year 9 this could mean staying up until 3am :eek: which was no good for me, I was shattered all the next day and I wish someone had sat me down and made me do it sooner, really I do. My grades would have been better (and I got mostly A's and B's as it was - but I didn't meet my potential)

I have begun to suspect I have Dyspraxia as I get older, and I wish more had been done about it when I was at school. Some days I'd go in without a pen

I think Blue Monkey is doing right by her DD, and you're getting on my nerves

ETA Balletshoes your post is a sensible one. We do all need time on our own (I'm lucky, my older 3 go out with family often) but in some playschemes children over 8 can come and go as they please, and I wouldn't send DD1 to something she could just leave, she is very easily led by other kids and I need to know she is where I think she is.

blue_monkey_2

Person_one wrote: »

I'll ignore your attempts at insults, but you obviously have quite a temper, have you considered that it may only be making things more fraught and thought about getting some help managing it? Your GP can refer you for CBT if you ask.

So you are now suggesting I need CBT because I am annoyed at your suggestion of calling me a failure as a parent? Any parent would be annoyed at that, sorry, that does not make us all need CBT. I deal with much more than other parents have ever experienced with their children and you have the nerve to call me a failure. You are actually quite pathetic. it all looks rosy in yourlittle world doesn't it. Please take an hour to read up on Autism and Aspergers to actually see the kind of meltdowns 'parents like me' have to deal with.

Everyone is entitled to get annoyed about things, expecially when they are being called failures because they do not meet 'the required' level of expectation (from someone who has no idea).

As I said, you would make a very good social worker. It all comes out of a book you know. Choose which one for the day.

Zoetoes

balletshoes wrote: »

blue_monkey I'm really trying to understand your point of view. On the one hand, earlier you said that because you have no close family or friends who can take your children for a break, you are with them all the time. But from what you've said in your last few posts it seems you won't consider any other alternative, and you do consider it normal and preferable to spend all your time with your children.

You think that the only reason children would be left at a playscheme is because their parents want to offload them. Not at all, in my experience. I knew a few of the kids who went to my local one last year, most of the 10-year olds and upwards went because their friends were going, and they got to spend the day together (from 10am to 3pm, and no-one could leave until a parent/guardian signed them out). My daughter did go because I was working, but thats why I took her cousin with her, so they had each other while they were doing the activities. Thats why I suggested you take a friend with her.

Maybe if the playscheme is not a structured one, its not a good idea and your daughter would be bored. But I still don't think that children only get sent to these kind of events just because their parents can't be bothered with them - what about the themed schemes, like holiday swimming lessons, tennis etc? Parents send their kids to those so they can learn and get better at something which is good for the kids, or interests them.

I'm off work with my 10-year old this week, and the week and a bit before she goes back to school. We've been here there and everywhere this week (not at home) and at the end of August she has some playdates, outings etc organised which I will not be present at - not because I'm offloading her, but because she wants to go, and to her spending time with her peers is far more interesting than spending all her time with me - and I have no problem with that .

What are they play schemes like these days? I remember going when I was a kid. Is it properly supervised? Do they not let them leave without a parent and all that sort of stuff?