Did anyone Used to Get Smacked as a Child?

cgk1

tiamai_d wrote: »

If you ever have children the world is going to hit you like a brick. Do you really think its that simple? One day you too will laugh at the naivety of some people who do not have children.

What a lot of crap - I'm one of seven, my parents managed to raise us fine without needing to resort to physical violence - none of us are criminals. Reading this thread, you'd think it was all or nothing, you either belt your kids or they grow up to be looters.

delain

billybluehat wrote: »

I got smacked for burning a hole in my bedroom carpet. I tried to hide it by covering it with my lego. 1st i got told off for not tidying my room. then i got really told off when i did tidy my room and my parents saw a foot wide burn hole in my carpet. imo i deserved it I've never burnt a hole in my bedroom carpet since either. does that mean the punishment was effective? ;-0

I couldn't imagine smacking my little girl tho, would just break my heart.

Just out of interest... Why did you burn a hole in the carpet?

ailuro2

I got the belt over my backside, for something my sister had done - my mother made my father give us both the belt.

I don't speak to them now.

My sister came home from school one day with a black eye, she was about to be punished for fighting in school but managed to stop them when she told them my father had given her the black eye the night before.

My parents told me they tried their best. I say sometimes their best wasn't good enough, not spoken to my mother for years, my father died a few years ago and the only thing that saddens me is that my daughter has no decent grandparents.

I did smack her occasionally when she was younger, grabbed her hand and smacked my own for effect to let her know she'd done something very wrong that should never be repeated. I smacked her bum a few times when she was a bit older. But they get to an age when restricting priveliges as punishment works better than a smack on the bum does, but thankfully laying down boundaries from an earlier age let her know who was setting the rules in our house ( it's the parents in case you'd not guessed) I think she was probably smacked less than 10 times in total, it was only for really bad behaviour, and the punishment was always there and then, not a wait till your father gets home like we had.

She's still a well behaved kid - yes she pushes the boundaries sometimes,and does stuff that breaks the rules but she's a lovely kid. I'd not change the way we've brought her up.

billybluehat_2

delain wrote: »

Just out of interest... Why did you burn a hole in the carpet?

curiosity, i wanted to see what would happen if i lit a match and dropped it on a whole pile of unlit matches. I did put 2 pieces of paper underneath to keep the carpet safe. that didn't really work bless i was so young.

blue_monkey_2

Person_one wrote: »

That poster was me. I'm very sad for your children. Many many parents make it through the six weeks holidays without resorting to violence, plenty of them even enjoy having their kids around a bit more without the pressures of homework and being a taxi service.

If I'm horrified by the thought of someone laying a finger on my niece and nephew, when they are 'only' my niece and nephew, surely their parents whose feelings for them are deeper and stronger, should be even more horrified?

I know a parent who thinks like you, he knows all right minded people would be appalled to see him hit his son, especially as he's created a very middle class, very proper, very correct image for himself. So he pinches them, secretly, and hard. It disgusts me.

It used to be perfectly legal and socially acceptable for men to physically correct their wives, when women were seen as lesser humans not worthy of fair treatment and safety from violence. I hope it won't be too long before humans under 18 are granted the same rights.

Don't feel sad for my children. They have food on their plate, they have clothes to wear, they have parents here for them 24/7. If they step out of line they'll get punished - sure they'll get the crappy punishements the law 'allows' me to but they get punished. Social Services have not yet been round so i cannot be doing that bad a job and they have been smacked far less than some of the children mentioned on this thread have so do not feel pity for them.

You are not with those children 24/7 and nieces and nephews are always lovely - the joys of 'palming them off' when you have had enough, you see, I never get that. A chance to 'palm them off' to someone else to have some time alone. Today is the first day ever - DD is at a sleepever and DS is out with his dad. I am here looking after a sick dog.

Human children are capable of learning right from wrong, of understanding that there are some things we don't do because they are dangerous, cause harm or annoyance to others, or are mean and unkind.

If the only reason a child behaves is to avoid punishment, I'd say that was a major parenting fail. I wasn't hit as a child, I wasn't naughty very often either, because I wanted to be a good person!

Ah, failing as a parent. As you are so perfect and you and your neices and nephews are so wonderful, let me ask you what you would do, here is just ONE of the problems I have with my daughter:

She continually takes the sharp scissors. I have continually asked her (nicely and told her off) not to. At least 4-5 times a week. In fact she willl even do it while on a ban. I've asked her nicely, I have told her off, I have bought her some kids scissors of her own (she loses them and sneaks and gets mine), I've punished her with chores, I have fined her, she has gone without sweets, TV, the DS, pockets money, she has been banned from having friends round or going to clubs or days out - however, she always ends up with my sharp ones again. And I often find them on the sofa, open, so if someone sat on them.... just use your imagination.

She has even tried to punch her brother with the scissors in her hand. I have banned her from scissors and crafting, once the ban is lifted she does it again. All but one pair of the scissors are up high so she cannot get them - she is getting taller and she can now reach them. Should I have to lock them away?

From your statement above she should have learned by now that she should not have them. She is not a toddler, she is nearly 9. So why is she still going to get them knowing she will get punished?

I currently have some paint on the sofa, I asked her not to pain, she has - while I was cooking tea. Maybe she is supposed to be in the same room with me 24/7?

Clearly the punishments I am giving are not enough to make her learn. It is a serious question and I will be looking for an answer because you seem to think life is simple and that kids learn these things easily.

Real life: some people have 'easy' kids, others do not. Pray do you not get the ones who 'do not' as you are going to have one HUGE smack in the face from life!!

Scissors aside - she takes others things she has been told not to take and she uses my things that she KNOWS not to use. I have told her, I have punished her - week in, week out. I've spend years telling her not to take these things of mine because they are either mine (and special), not for her to use because they are for adults and/or are dangerous. Yesterday I caught her her trying to poke her brother with my £100 braun toothbrush (£10 in Boots sale and with advantage points - but that is not the point, it is not hers and it is certainly not something she should be playing with!!).

So the answer is what? Lock the doors of anything that contains something special? Maybe I should have them all in one room and I can lock the door?

If you think I am just lasting 6 weeks without 'resorting' to violence (as you so kindly put it), clearly the punishments I am dishing out are not working. The advice from the Childrens Centre was that I should not 'fine' her as if I took away the pocket money she had earned it would 'damage' for her.

She does not listen to a word I say so maybe you can give me some advice as to why please. I will be waiting for a reply in anticipation because this would change my life. And no, I am not being sarcastic. It is very hard work living with a child that completely ignores every word you say because we can only give out crappy 'punishments' they do not give a toss about. Punishments that absolutely no effect in this house anyway. God knows what she is going to be life as a teenager. I am dreading it.

And listening to a child screaming (not just cryuing but screaming as well) for hours because they cannot get their own way is NOT fun. No, for some parents school holidays are NOT fun. Reality check. She cries, and screams, and cries and screams and cries some more, and cries if she does not get what she wants, if I ask her to tidy up, if she has to do her homework. The list is endless and quite frankly, you have a damn cheek saying what she did because YOU spend a few hours of your week with perfect children that I am a crappy parent and you feel sorry for my children and that I have failed as a parent.

Where is the pity for me having to spend my days with a child that I have given work and going out and doing anything for myself for, but that treats me like a piece of crap on her shoe and spends her days screaming in my face - I get that daily. Actually, what I think she needs when she does that is a good smack across the cheek as that will make her stop. No-one with feelings can put up with someone screaming in their face every single day and not have fedlings like that. Have I done it, no. I walk away. Sometimes I sit in the toilet and cry about it. Heavens for making the child feel guilty for making me feel like that.

So I will be waiting for a reply for you on what I do to stop my child taking the things she should not have. Remember, from your statement she should know by now because I have already punished her - locking them away is not an option because you have said she should have learnt not to by now. Can you tell me why she has not learnt? I've tried every single 'textbook' punishment you can think of but so far have not smacked her for taking these things (before you accuse me of doing so), so what is your next suggestion? Remember, I cannot remove everything from the house because a) she will get a pen and paper and behapy with that for hours b) her brother should not be punished as well. I cannot put her in a bare room with nothing to do, see or touch as that is against the law.

Oh, and there is much more than just the taking things she shouldn't but I'll start with that and all of us with kids who take no notice of the boundaries set can ask for more advice on just where we are FAILING as parents.

Cannot wait for this advice on how to have the perfect child. I am so excited, can you tell.....

PS. I have actually videoed some of her tantrums. If I knew how to blur her face I'd post them on here just to show you what I have to put up with daily. I also have a son with Autism so I deal with his tantrums but this goes WAY beyond any of his needs. Her teachers answer was to put her to bed half an hour later than her brother (they are a year apart) but she needs her sleep so she goes to bed at the time she needs to go to bed to get a good nights sleep. She is usually exhausted from the tantrums day in day out.

Also to add, my son is not like this - so no, it is NOT a parenting FAIL thanks, otherwise both of them would be like it, the child with Autism would not dream of doing what I told him not to - but his sister actually encourages him to do these things, knowing he will get into trouble for it. Or she should do, because apparently it is easy to teach the human child right from wrong. Isn't it?

VfM4meplse

Your post is so sad blue_monkey. Parenting should be a joy.

lynzpower

Where is the pity for me having to spend my days with a child that I have given work and going out and doing anything for myself for, but that treats me like a piece of crap on her shoe and spends her days screaming in my face - I get that daily. Actually, what I think she needs when she does that is a good smack across the cheek as that will make her stop.

Honestly, it probably wont. But if you want t start hitting your 9 year old child across the face, go right ahead to see where it takes your relationship.

I dont have any advice for you, an doubt you would take it anyway from me ( as I have no children) but I wonder if she is behaving this way as anger is the only attention she gets.

You sound really like you hate your own child, and I know what it is like to be hated ( or feel hated) by your own parent. It is the worst feeling in the world.

blue_monkey_2

lynzpower wrote: »

Honestly, it probably wont. But if you want t start hitting your 9 year old child across the face, go right ahead to see where it takes your relationship.

I dont have any advice for you, an doubt you would take it anyway from me ( as I have no children) but I wonder if she is behaving this way as anger is the only attention she gets.

You sound really like you hate your own child, and I know what it is like to be hated ( or feel hated) by your own parent. It is the worst feeling in the world.

No, anger is not the only attention she gets from us, that is the problem.

Anger is the only thing I get in return. Even after a fun day out or a holiday it'll be met with words of hate or screaming.

We cooked the other day and she wanted to ice hot cakes, that was met with a tantrum because she did not want to wait for another half an hour.

She has a choice of having a nice bedtime story or having a screaming tantrum and going to bed early, she will continue the tantrum. If she starts to have a tantrum she is given the choice of carrying on or going to bed, she should (IMO) be old enough to make the choice of spending time having a story with me. The tantrum will be over something minor like having pyjamas that are too short in the leg.

I do not hate my child but I am told at least every day how much she hates me. Kind of gets you down after a while - hate is not the right word. Frustration and upset - I do not feel like this all the time but I've had 4 weeks of it now day in, day out. Being told you are a FAIL on here because your child is not perfectly behaved as society 'expects' is disgusting because some people have no conept of how life is with some children.

As a parent, being told by your child how much they hate you when you give them so much is not too much fun either. I can promise you that.

I laid in bed this morning thinking that maybe I did not give them enough this holiday, time, friends, days out - but we have actually something every day, even if it is not all day. See, you even start to doubt yourself.

I do think it is easier if you have somewhere/someone to palm them off to though as you get time to yourself. This week we went to a play centre where children just get left there, there were around 100 children but just 5 parents there. That is why the other parents are enjoying the holidays, they are happy to dump their kids there and go off shopping or get a break at work. I would feel too guilty about that so they are with me.

lynzpower

Well I mean I dont know honestly. I dont know why you children's support worker says you cant take money off a child, personally that would be the first thing I would do, adn would be punishing by removing the many privileges ( freinds, days out and so on) Why should a child get the rewards if they dont behave nicely?

blue_monkey_2

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Your post is so sad blue_monkey. Parenting should be a joy.

For some it is - for some of us we get the 'challenging' children.

I'd not say that any full day has been without a tantrum. Even down to not having enough paper to write on - sorry, the paper she has not being good enough to write on - turns into a tantrum.

If you knew the full 'ins and outs' about ASD it'd be screaming at you too!! But as she is 'perfect' at school I have no-one else to tell them what she is like at home. She is the model child for everyone else - I get the full brunt of her rages.

I think it's time to keep a tantrum diary.

Ah thanks for listening to me rant, rather on here than to the kids when they are here. Feel better now.

I have to say my mother smacked me round the face once - I said some pretty mean stuff (not about her about a program she was watching about a disabled person). I was about 11 at the time and I remember it like it was yesterday. It did not make me hate her but it did make me realise that I would never say or think those things again because it was very, very wrong of me. That did not make me abused, it did not make me hate my mother, it gave me very serious thinking time and I knew I had overstepped the line in a BIG way.