Did anyone Used to Get Smacked as a Child?

nottslass_2

I was smacked as a child and can still remember the humiliation,but it it ever stop me being naughty ever again ? ................

Good parenting is about teaching boundaries on what is acceptable behaviour and there is no need to resort to physical violence in order to do so.

Its neither legal or acceptable to hit another adult,yet smacking a small child still remains the only legal form of assault in this country.

zebredy

I was smacked as a child. I was given a warning but if I persisted then I got a smack on the bum by my dad and on the hand by my mum..

I don't want to be someone who smacks my children but if you don't do it that often and they have done something really bad and its the only way they will learn, then I say maybe its ok then.

I know if we ever have children my hubby would have no trouble using smacking as a last resort.

What I don't like is when people (manly adults) abuse there powers. I saw one episode of Supper Nanny (think it was a USA one) the mum would get so angry at the kids she would smack them, but most the time the kids (IMO) had not done enough wrong (even though they had done something wrong) to warrant it. It didn't help that it was the way she was brought up and really didn't know anything better, fortunately she wanted to change and did.

Also what I saw once which I didn't like was a mum at Lakeside shopping centre smack her daughter for smacking someone else. I overheard her saying, 'That's wrong you should never smack someone else especially your little sister' what example was she setting by telling her it was wrong then doing it her herself?

We are all individual and unique, one person may have got smacked when little and rebelled and be a right loser now still years later. Another might think its the only way, and put there bad experiences of smacking onto there children hoping it sets them straight too. Then there could be someone who was a right pain in the back side and smacking was the only way to set them right, and it did, now they are a model citizen..

But it can be exactly the same for people who don't get smacked, some grow up decent folks, others a good clip round the ear when they were younger might have done them the world of good.

Hindsight is a great thing..

melancholly

i think i was smacked a couple of times.... for doing really stupid things. i knew it was coming and i continued. then when i crossed the line, a got a smack on the bum. nothing that left a mark, mind.

do two or three short, sharp slaps on the bum make my parents vile child abusers who had no control of their kids?! well obviously not. taking away a child's toys as a punishment is normal - doing it all the time and shouting at them calling them stupid constantly is abuse. it's all about the frequency and context and surrounding behaviour.

incidentally, i think i was better behaved as a teenager than many of my friends. it was very clear that when my mum said no, she meant no. i couldn't talk her into agreeing to let me do something and it never crossed my mind to do it without telling/asking her. there were always very clear lines and very clear consequences when i crossed them (although stopping me going to a friend's birthday party is the one punishment i remember; i was warned repeatedly and i continued. i stopped doing that when i realised she really meant it!).

the fact that my mum (my dad to a lesser extent but mum was at home so did most of the disciplining) taught me to behave is less about the 'smacking' but more about the clear boundaries and consistent enforcement. a couple of smackings in there (when i was quite small) were part of it, but obviously on their own would have done nothing. a beating for no reason or smacking all the time aren't the same.

Mupette

I got beaten to carp.

Was i naughty, no i don't think i was, i was tooo scared to.

I didn't answer back, always kept my room tidy, always did the chores, never went out to cause trouble (was never allowed out to do so)

Yet my mum had a vendetta (years later a relative told me, you know you were'nt wanted don't you)

not nice to hear but sometimes the truth hurts.
for 17 years i felt like mum's slave. she had kidney disease, when i was 16 she had a transplant (all went well and she lives happily ever after)
so you could see why i did chores (i mean all the housework, washing , cooking and cleaning) she was bought up like it and said it did her no harm!!!

So buy the time i was 17, mum was fit and well and was playing the i am sick card, i had, had enough, felt the only way out was to kill myself (to me there was not a way out..)

I failed, and gave in when a work colleague kept pestering me, she knew something was wrong and knew of my home live...

that night i left home. 17 naive, inncocent, spent the next 6 months drunk most night, i felt i needed to catch up with my friends who had done the pubbing and clubbbing thing a year before...

Mum beating me has affected my adult life, until at the age of 30 with OH there to support me, i told mum that i remember what she had done, how i felt about it, what it had done to me, her reply was that she could not remember. It was left like that but i know she remembers.

My parents now live in France, we get on like a house of fire.. the distance is a god send.

Does hitting your child affect them..... oh yes.

donnap83

blue_monkey wrote: »

My daughter gets things confiscated but it still makes no difference to her behaviour, she learns nothing from it as far as I can see. I confiscated all of her sylvanians, soft toys and dolls for 4 months - she didn't even miss them after a week or so and just read books instead. Done the same with the DS and her not being allowed to watch TV and having to do chores. She finds something else to do, or she will enjoy the chores or she will have homework or a book to read - and then it is not a punishment. I simply cannot confiscate everything in the house, nor in her room, we just do not have the space and then she'll go and play with her brothers stuff instead anyway - who has behaved so I cannot remove those as well. I send her to her room she'll get a book from the book case and read that, I cannot remove all the books, I simply do not have the room as we have too many. I cannot lock her in her room else they'll be hell to pay for that too if someone finds out. I;ve stopped her going to Brownies and swimming and made her stay in her room. And still she did not care.

Only last week, sick of being spoken to like a piece of crap the entire time she got a smack on the leg. And actually, that DID work. And I smacked her because it was the summer holidays and she is not going to go and report me to her teacher. She was saying I smacked her so hard she could not walk (trust me, had it had been that hard she'd had not been able to walk) - how would that look to the school if she told them that? It felt that hard because I had never done it before. However, I have noticed a change and she has stopped screaming at me when she cannot get her own way so maybe it did work, that short, sharp shock was needed. I did not feel guilt because she overstepped the line - she was given several warnings and then she continued.

I've not smacked before but I think I may well do again now. However, not if it was a school day because of being pulled in that one time. She can make my life hell but I cannot punish her without it being questioned? it was embarrassing and humiliating. The teacher told me that I should be sending her a bid a little later than her brother and maybe she felt 'left out'. There is a year between them and they went to bed at 7.30 - they needed that sleep too so I felt I should not be sending her to bed later. Unfortunately we do not get people to help out with childcare so I do not get that break for them like other people do.

I'd like to send her to bed without tea as well but I could do without the hassle it would cause if she went to school and said I did not feed her in the evenings. She has had an untold number of early nights.

What works for some just does not work for others, if the naughty and withdrawing privilleges step works for you then great, however it does not work for my daughter at all. I've not had so much lip the last few days so hopefully the smack has given her something to think about for the future and I'll not have to do it again.

Aw flower! Your daughter sounds like a handfull. How old is she?

I think i was a bit like that when I was little.

Chin up xxxx

delain

milliebear00001 wrote: »

Do you really make your decisions about your family life based upon whether or not your daughter will tell lies to 'the authorities' about how you treat her? If that's really the case, then I'd say you have more to worry about than whether or not to smack - it's entirely dysfunctional for a young child to have that much power over a parent.

In terms of your daughter's school, I find it bizarre that they called you in to 'discuss' your disciplining of her. This is not their role, and is something that schools are specifically told NOT to do, in case they prejudice any later court proceedings. If a school has real concerns, they should be reporting thm directly to Social Services.

You'd be surprised at exactly how much interference there is these days... and the children very very quickly pick up on it, they are not silly. DD1 will say such things, I will tell the teacher blah blah blah (she is well known at the school for tall stories, and now under CAMHS) and I just tell her that's fine, tell your teacher, I'll tell her that it was because you did x,y,z (whatever she was in trouble for) and she won't be happy either and that stops her.

Even back in the 90's my brother used to tell my mum he'd ring childline and be taken away... and to my knowledge he didn't even get smacked, just threw whacking great temper tantrums in shops which were never really resolved, he would still throw strops and sulk if he didn't get his own way when out until he was 18 or so!

balletshoes

delain wrote: »

Even back in the 90's my brother used to tell my mum he'd ring childline and be taken away... and to my knowledge he didn't even get smacked, just threw whacking great temper tantrums in shops which were never really resolved, he would still throw strops and sulk if he didn't get his own way when out until he was 18 or so!

lol that reminds me of my nephew, also in the 90s, he used to try the "I'll call childline", his mum would just tell him to go ahead, if he was taken away, his playstation was staying with her - that stopped him :rotfl::rotfl:!

bestpud

I was smacked a few times and my lasting memory is one if rage! I still, to this day, feel angry when I think about it and I can say for sure each one damaged my relationship with my parents.

The last time, I was around 12 and I fantasised about ways to get my own back for a good two years after.

None of the smacks taught me anything tbh. I just felt they were totally in the wrong and that overrode anything I may have done.

I responded more to their disappointment when I'd done something wrong - that got to me and made me really think about what I'd done.

I guess some of it is about personality though? I don't like violence in
any form, but I accept smacking works for some families.

red_devil

my partner was slippered at boarding school by older prefects. You could be slippered for talking after lights out?

scooby088

On the very rare occasion i got smacked, infact i was hit with a frying pan when i was 15 and a tennis racquet, but when i was younger it was either shouted at which made me cry anyway or a slap. And not in them days would i even have thought of going to the police or social services. I think children nowadays are exploiting the fact that there are no consequences for their actions, taking toys away may work for a few minutes but is no real punishment. You can chastise the child but cant leave a mark.