Families, grrrr!

POPPYOSCAR

sparrer wrote: »

Super idea, but she wants to go as it's her granddaughter who is getting married. I live 80 miles from her, the wedding is 10 miles from her. Will just have to go, grit my teeth and pretend I'm smiling. Still upsetting for my own children but it's a lose lose situation. I'll enjoy Mum's company, anyway

I really do not not see why you have to go.

Surely there must be someone who can pickup and drop off your mum if she is only ten miles away?


Has your brother said if you do not take her she will not be able to go?

Mrs.W_2

If your Mother really wants to attend there is still no reason why you need to buy a new hat!

Drop Mother off at the wedding. Pick her up to drive her home. Inbetween times find a nice tea room or, should the weather be fine, a park, and take that book you've been trying to find the time to finish. Enjoy the peace and time to yourself.

ETA: After the wedding, why not draw a line in the sand?
Your brother will always be the man he is. That'll be his loss. Nothing you can do about that fact. You and yours are lucky enough to have a good number of family with whom you are close. Enjoy those relationships and shrug off what cannot be changed.

Strapped

Torry_Quine wrote: »

This is where everyone is different, I and obviously others do consider it normal for cousins to go to each others wedding.

Not in our family - it would bankrupt everyone! :eek: (My husband's parents are both from very, very large families).

Person_one

sparrer wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Perhaps I just value family more than some.

Not everybody has the same understanding of 'family', my cousins certainly aren't my family, but several people I'm not related to are.

Its always seemed ridiculous to me to place more importance on shared DNA than on actual relationships.

Person_one

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Sorry, but any man who could let his mother (especially at the age she is) go home on her own at christmas in a taxi does not IMO love his mother.(Not my idea of love anyway)

Erm, what's so terrible about getting a taxi home? Door to door, warm, comfortable, I don't get it?

Sambucus_Nigra

sparrer wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Perhaps I just value family more than some.

More than some of your own family? Well, someone is bound to value family more than their own family - and some value family less than other members of their own family. You can't all value something exactly the same, that would be weird.

I don't get the problem. Go, don't go - whatever. YOU DECIDE.

Wilma33

How many cousins does the groom have? How many cousins does the bride have? How many of the cousins have partners? How many have children? When you start adding it all up then it is easy to see why they might have a "no cousins" rule! Wedding guest lists are a nightmare. Don't take it personally.

mizzbiz

Didn't invite any of my cousins to my wedding, nor a lot of auntie's and uncles, only the ones I am close to and see now.
Caused a bit of a family rift but at the end of the day, I have cousins I haven't seen in over 20 years and I don't even know them. I wanted my wedding to be intimate and family oriented, I really didn't want people I didn't know there. Perhaps they feel the same? Especially if there has been a great distance between you all between childhood and growing up.

I also have so many cousins compared to my OH that we had to have a strict rule - it would have cost tens of thousands to have the same wedding we had and invite everyone who felt they ought to be invited.

delain

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I really do not not see why you have to go.

Surely there must be someone who can pickup and drop off your mum if she is only ten miles away?


Has your brother said if you do not take her she will not be able to go?

The last bit stands out to me too... Why would you expect someone to drive 160 miles to give someone a 20 mile lift?

Surely a taxi would be cheaper Maybe they have only invited you so as not to upset your mum!

belfastgirl23

Torry_Quine wrote: »

This is where everyone is different, I and obviously others do consider it normal for cousins to go to each others wedding.

In our case it's really according to how close you are to the cousin getting married. You're not invited by routine but you might be either if you're particularly close to them or if it's recognised that in order for your parents to go you need to be invited as well (illness etc). I had an aunt get remarried lately and she didn't invite any nieces and nephews at all except for the ones who lived closest to her who had played a lot with her own children and who she had babysat etc. No one took offence. In contrast DH had a cousin get married and all of the first cousins were invited and everyone thought it was a bit odd, indeed only the cousins who were close to the bride attended in any case. And they are a very close family. It's just accepted that you can't afford to invite everyone. Then again this is Irish families where they are big and people don't always make a big distinction between first and second cousins for example.