Families, grrrr!

mintymoneysaver

It's a shame that your children haven't been invited. My children have 4 first cousins, two older and two younger and I would hope that when the older two get married ( probably within the next five years) they would invite my two, who are teenagers. When my two get married I would ask that they invited all their cousins, although by that point the older cousins would probably be married, and if they had children by then your guest list would be getting bigger.

Are your children married? Would that explain why? Anyway, I've gone off at a tangent from what I meant to say which was that even if you are the only one invited surely it would be nice to go, keep your mum company and be there for your niece. I find it strange when people say nieces are close family but aunties aren't, you are their auntie if they're your niece! Also you could catch up with other family and friends. Family is very important to me too, but I know that at weddings it gets complicated. My daughter is only 17 and I'm already trying to brace myself for the wedding guest list discussions when she's older! ( and of course it will be her choice, but there are certain people/family who have always been there for her, and it would be nice for them to be at her wedding!)

January20

For what it's worth, sparrer, I do really understand your frustration at your brother's attitude and at your children not being invited. He really doesn't sound like a very nice man, to let his old mother make her own way home in a taxi, by herself (that's bad enough!), and let her pay for it, when it would be nothing for him to pay for it himself!

Torry_Quine

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

It's normal enough for cousins not to be invited to each others weddings - I've never been invited to any of mine. And as people here have pointed out there are a range of practical reasons why people wouldn't do this.

This is where everyone is different, I and obviously others do consider it normal for cousins to go to each others wedding.

POPPYOSCAR

Torry_Quine wrote: »

This is where everyone is different, I and obviously others do consider it normal for cousins to go to each others wedding.

It is that way in our family as well.

Even though we live spread around the country and do not see each other very often.

Sometimes these sorts of family occasions are the only way in which family do keep in touch and it is nice to catch up with them and what is going on in their lives.

Mrs.W_2

Option #3: Take the sum you intended to spend on your Mother's taxi journey to/from wedding, and spend it on a great day out for you and your Mother. The date you pick for that event is up to you.;)

sparrer

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I have to say sparrer you are coming across as a bit passive aggressive here. Your comment that your brother looks down on you really rings alarm bells for me, since in my experience it's the typical call of people who have low self confidence, to feel that others are looking down on them. But you are also judging him at every turn, for how he has been with your family and for how you think he has been with your mother. My guess would be that he knows that you feel this way about him. And that this might be part of the problem. I'm not saying that he's done nothing wrong, but in any family there are two sides to every story. If you don't want to go, don't go. Don't do the martyr thing, it's not nice. If you want to pay for a taxi for your mum do so. But recognise that you are doing it for your own reasons.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear. But I keep seeing similar in sections of my own family. You want your family to accept you but you're blind to the fact that you don't accept them. And after all you were the people who moved away.

I think you somehow need to feel morally superior to your brother and his family. I don't exactly know why but this is very much the tone here.

All I'm saying is that if you feel strongly about something like this you need to look at what the issue is underneath it. It's normal enough for cousins not to be invited to each others weddings - I've never been invited to any of mine. And as people here have pointed out there are a range of practical reasons why people wouldn't do this. So you need to ask yourself why it is that you need your brother to be in the wrong? Is it a competition for your mum's affection? Is it low self confidence? Only you can answer.

belfastgirl my brother looks down on everyone! That's not an issue, we accept it's the way he is. Everyone suffers from low self esteem from time to time, unless they suffer from no feelings at all. He doesn't make me feel inferior, he makes me feel sad for him, he's the one with the inferiority complex. I'm not attacking him, again it's just part of him.

I love him and don't (need to) feel superior, morally or any other way, to anyone, that's self destructive.

While some cousins don't go to each others weddings, it's acceptable for others to do so. I haven't said he's wrong, but just asked for opinions of what I might do under the circumstances.

'you need your brother to be in the wrong? Is it a competition for your mum's affection?' I absolutely do not 'need him to be in the wrong'. There is no competition, we both love our Mum dearly but have different ways of showing it as we are not one person.
Thank you for your reply.

POPPYOSCAR

Mrs.W wrote: »

Option #3: Take the sum you intended to spend on your Mother's taxi journey to/from wedding, and spend it on a great day out for you and your Mother. The date you pick for that event is up to you.;)

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

POPPYOSCAR

sparrer wrote: »

belfastgirl my brother looks down on everyone! That's not an issue, we accept it's the way he is. Everyone suffers from low self esteem from time to time, unless they suffer from no feelings at all. He doesn't make me feel inferior, he makes me feel sad for him, he's the one with the inferiority complex. I'm not attacking him, again it's just part of him.

I love him and don't (need to) feel superior, morally or any other way, to anyone, that's self destructive.

While some cousins don't go to each others weddings, it's acceptable for others to do so. I haven't said he's wrong, but just asked for opinions of what I might do under the circumstances.

'you need your brother to be in the wrong? Is it a competition for your mum's affection?' I absolutely do not 'need him to be in the wrong'. There is no competition, we both love our Mum dearly but have different ways of showing it as we are not one person.
Thank you for your reply.

Sorry, but any man who could let his mother (especially at the age she is) go home on her own at christmas in a taxi does not IMO love his mother.(Not my idea of love anyway)

sparrer

Mrs.W wrote: »

Option #3: Take the sum you intended to spend on your Mother's taxi journey to/from wedding, and spend it on a great day out for you and your Mother. The date you pick for that event is up to you.;)

Super idea, but she wants to go as it's her granddaughter who is getting married. I live 80 miles from her, the wedding is 10 miles from her. Will just have to go, grit my teeth and pretend I'm smiling. Still upsetting for my own children but it's a lose lose situation. I'll enjoy Mum's company, anyway

sparrer

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Sorry, but any man who could let his mother (especially at the age she is) go home on her own at christmas in a taxi does not IMO love his mother.(Not my idea of love anyway)

Well yes, I do have to agree with you. I wish I'd known beforehand so I could send her the fare but she didn't tell me until afterwards. She didn't want any waves so asked me not to mention it.