Families, grrrr!

sparrer

Long and complicated but will try to keep it clear..
My brother and his wife have two children of similar ages to my three. All the children used to play together when they were small but we moved away for work reasons. Since then we've drifted apart, and gradually as the children grew my brother began to look down on us, the poor relations. As adults my children have never been invited to my brothers house for any celebration, New Year, birthdays, anniversaries etc., although I've always included his whole family in anything we do. They all had invitations to my girls weddings but only I got an invitation to his first daughters wedding some 5 years ago.


Now his second daughter is getting married. Apparently again only I am to get an invitation, but now so is our half sister. She's never been included in anything his family does, he's never once kept in touch with her, no card, nothing, whereas she and I have spent holidays, Christmases and so forth together, we're not close in miles but certainly in spirit.


A couple of days ago my brother phoned me (something he never does unless there is a family emergency) and asked for our half sister's address, he doesn't even know it! so he could send her the invitation. She won't be going, by the way. I didn't mention my children, it isn't worth it, but I'm really upset for them, he is being very unfair. Incidentally his wife's nephew and niece will be going, as they always do to anything he and my sister-in-law organise.


If I don't go my Mother will have to get a taxi, (as I will be expected to pick her up and take her home again, a round trip for me of approx 200 miles), but he would make her pay like he did when she went to his house last Christmas. It cost £50, a lot for an 89 y/o, so I sent her the money.


I know many of you will think I ought to go for my Mums sake, but I'm just tempted to arrange a taxi for her and pay it myself. Without my Mum my brother will have no-one on his side of their family. What does that say? And what do I do? Help!

Lotus-eater

Well it's not his wedding is it? So it shouldn't be up to him who is invited.

You could contact his DD who is getting married and say in a nice a way as possible, that it would be lovely if your kids come and you would pay for the extra if it was a money thing.


But if your kids never see them anyway, I can't see the big deal. You invited them to a wedding, but it doesn't mean they have to do the same back.
You obviously aren't going to change the way they feel about you by complaining, so do what you feel is right.

Acc72

How old are your "kids" (I presume that they are in their 20's ?).

Do they care?
Do they know their cousin?
Do they want to go to the wedding?

There have been a few similar threads recently. They go along the lines of "I haven't seen or spoken to my family for 20 years and I am not happy that I haven't been invited to their wedding" or whatever.

Teenie_D

I never had cousins at my wedding, we never see them so it seemed really silly, it meant that we could have more people there who were important to us (friends). My Mum even suggested that if I didn't want to I didn't even have to invite aunties and uncles who again I never see! My DH invited one cousin but she and her hubby are close to his family so I didn't see the problem with that.

If you really don't want to go then don't but you could go and keep you Mum company which I'm sure she will appreciate and you might even enjoy yourself!

I would be having words with him however about expecting your Mum to pay when he invites her to his, he should either pay for her (even halfs) or come and get her himself!

pigpen

I think you are being a drama llama... it isnt your wedding, you are not paying therefore you have no right to be bothered about who is or is not invited.

I am sure there are far more interesting things to do with your weekend anyway.

As for your mum she is quite capable of saying Id love to come but cant afford to/dont feel up to the journey or whatever.. she isnt your reponsibility either.

tanith

I must admit none of my children were invited to my brother/sisters childrens weddings... although they used to be close they really have had no contact from early teens , they aren't bothered and didn't expect to be invited.. as someone else said its up to the bride and groom who's invited so you either accept it or don't go your choice really..

martinthebandit

pigpen wrote: »

I think you are being a drama llama... it isnt your wedding, you are not paying therefore you have no right to be bothered about who is or is not invited.

I am sure there are far more interesting things to do with your weekend anyway.

As for your mum she is quite capable of saying Id love to come but cant afford to/dont feel up to the journey or whatever.. she isnt your reponsibility either.

Seems the right answer to me

sparrer

Thanks for all the replies. Perhaps I just value family more than some.

CH27

sparrer wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Perhaps I just value family more than some.

Do the cousins see each other?
If not, why should the bride & groom fork out for people they don't know or care about?


In my family cousins only get invited to the evening parties at weddings.

sparrer

CH27 wrote: »

Do the cousins see each other?
If not, why should the bride & groom fork out for people they don't know or care about?


In my family cousins only get invited to the evening parties at weddings.

They see each other at events put on by my side of the family. My brother is paying for the wedding and as always has a very big say in who attends.

tanith

sparrer wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Perhaps I just value family more than some.

Then it should be easy for you to realise that your brother may have no control over the fact that his child hasn't invited your children to her wedding , they may have a limited guest list for instance and wish to invite only those they have close relationships with, which apparently your children don't. So go along and support both your Mother and Brothers family.