Families, grrrr!

Oldernotwiser

sparrer wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Perhaps I just value family more than some.

Cousins aren't particularly close family though.

Acc72

sparrer wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Perhaps I just value family more than some.

Sorry you did not get the replies you were expecting !

As it is clear that you have become distant from your brother and his children, maybe you should go to the wedding and use this as an opportunity to rebuild your relationships.

You can then show your family how much you value them by your actions, and not by words on an anonymous internet forum.

sparrer

tanith wrote: »

Then it should be easy for you to realise that your brother may have no control over the fact that his child hasn't invited your children to her wedding , they may have a limited guest list for instance and wish to invite only those they have close relationships with, which apparently your children don't. So go along and support both your Mother and Brothers family.

As above, he is paying and has the majority say in who is invited. There is no limit, financially or regarding space.

sparrer

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Cousins aren't particularly close family though.

Other than my brother, we remain close with wider family.

sparrer

Acc72 wrote: »

Sorry you did not get the replies you were expecting !

As it is clear that you have become distant from your brother and his children, maybe you should go to the wedding and use this as an opportunity to rebuild your relationships.

You can then show your family how much you value them by your actions, and not by words on an anonymous internet forum.

I haven't become distant from my brother through my choice. He doesn't want to strengthen bonds with me or other members of the family, I don't know why or what more I can do.

Is the forum not for everyone to share a problem and ask for an advice and ideas?

CH27

sparrer wrote: »

Other than my brother, we remain close with wider family.

But that is your choice. Your brother obviously chooses differently.

sparrer

CH27 wrote: »

But that is your choice. Your brother obviously chooses differently.

Indeed. He's only inviting me so I can be Mums driver. I have no objection to driving her anywhere but do object to the better-than-thou way he treats her.

pigpen

sparrer wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Perhaps I just value family more than some.

My family is the be all and end all in my life.. to the point very few of us have close friends we all just hang about together.. family events are manic.. This isnt about valuing family it is about sharing a special day with people who are important in your life.. obviously your niece doesnt think your children are an integral part of their lives so havent invited them.. was the other nieces wedding 5 years ago the last time they spent any time together/attended the same event?

sparrer wrote: »

As above, he is paying and has the majority say in who is invited. There is no limit, financially or regarding space.

That sounds very rude and spiteful towards your brother! Just because he is paying doesnt mean he has any say whatsoever.. I wouldnt care who was paying there is no way I would have someone at my wedding I didn not want there.. and I would be very offended if my parents took it upon themselves to invite people I didnt want..

There sounds like a lot of sour grapes.

I wouldnt use this wedding as an occasion to rebuild your relationship with your brother.. Id have started rebuilding it a long time ago. An invitation to a wedding wouldnt make everything better.

It also sounds a little like the children have grown up and flown the nest and you are reflecting on the days when they were children and you spent a lot more time together.. OHs mum keeps doing the same that is part of getting older I think.. Do you ever host anything and invite all of them over? birthdays? Easter dinners? Christmas? BBQ just for the hell of it? Dinner just because? ... maybe this could be the first olive branch?

Is it possible he thinks you resent him for being more successful or that you are jealous of his lifestyle in some way?

durham_girl

sparrer wrote: »

Is the forum not for everyone to share a problem and ask for an advice and ideas?

It is. You shared a problem and other users gave you their advice. It seems as if you expected everyone to agree with you?

cte1111

My cousins were invited to our wedding, but my husband's weren't. I am quite close to a couple of my cousins and only have 4 in total. My husband has lots of cousins who he has not seen for years, so didn't want to invite his. I think it is up to the couple who they choose to invite.

I can see why you are hurt, but as your brother has been consistent about not inviting your children to events, it is best to try and accept this and move on I think. Otherwise you are just going to keep being disappointed.