Do we expect too much from relationships?

layton55

i think that second movie was just ridiculous and gives women a bad name! maybe she is just one of those so scarred by her past that she sabotages everything to avoid getting hurt. hence the moral of that....be happy in yourself first and foremost! otherwise be prepared to never be happy no matter what great things come into your life.

victory

She did cause herself a lot of heartache because of her high expectations.

Slinky

victory wrote: »

My mother many a decade ago 'settled for it', she wanted to leave home and marriage was the way out in those days, the man in question we still see today was and is the most loyal, caring, hard working, fantastic father, family man,honest, patient man a woman could ever wish for but my mum said he was not the one,there was no fireworks, no swooning, she had everything a woman could ever wish for but she saw him as boring and she had an affair, broke his heart and moved on.

Why make everyone unhappy including your OH in the long run if now you have the chance to assess and contain the damage?

You could be writing about my parents. Only my mother having left my Dad for somebody else (who it would appear was just looking for an affair) by her actions lost both her children. As far as I know she never married again and I'm guessing that she found the grass wasn't in fact greener elsewhere.

lessonlearned

Let him go and let him find someone who does find him interesting, set yourself free too so you can find your soulmate.

Also, if after 3 years in a relationship you still don't know how you really feel, then haven't you already got your answer?

Trust me on this, you'll know when you've met "The One". If you're still wondering if he is right for you then you haven't met him yet.

As for the Carrie character - well she was very self centred and spent far too much time analysing her relationships to death.:rotfl:

BTW - Met my OH 30 years ago, been married 28. He is now very ill with no hope of a cure...........................

Meeting him was like being hit by the proverbial thunderbolt, living with him was like living with a whirlwind - we giggled like schoolchildren, had door slamming arguments, kissed and made up, life has never been dull. And yes, we still hold hands

Don't settle for second best, you've only got one life.

Plans_all_plans

Well, firstly I wouldn't be looking to the women of SATC as models for your relationship!

Secondly, yes I think people do expect too much from relationships on the whole - but it never ceases to amaze me the amount of (predominantly) women who are the worst judges of character ever where men are concerned and who settle for not even the basics in a relationship.

I know of only one married couple who I consider "soul mates" and that was my nan and grandad. Even my parents and the in-laws, both still married after 30 years, would not be "soul mates" in my opinion. BUT, they have stayed together and in my opinion that deserves more respect than "oh actually, they're not 'the one' after all, I'm off."

My own husband is a lovely man, a good provider, a fantastic dad, very family orientated, loyal and funny. He's not the most sociable man and this is the one aspect of his character I would like to change if I could, but I believe that if he was more sociable, he probably would lose some of the other parts that I love about him. It's hard to strike a balance, but you have to know what qualities are essential to you when you embark on a relationship.

victory

I was thinking if you look at all the characters in sex and the city they all tried to change their men, miranda did not think that Steve was ambitious enough and wanted him to want more and tried hard to steer him onto a career path, Steve said he was happy with the pub he runs, then she tried to make him look smarter, taking him shopping and trying to buy him suits that he did not want to wear.

The other one with the bald OH whose name escapes me tried to constantly change him and then at one stage rejected him because he did not fall into her 'handsome ' category, she then dumped him and regretted it because he had so many other great bits to his character.

The man eater tried to change her man by making him a bigger star, introducing him to another world, her world, changing his clothes etc he became a massive star and yet she still moaned and left him.

If every woman sets out to change them why bother with them in the first place?

VestanPance

The most frightening thing is the amount of people seriously referencing Sex and the City as a relationship guide! :eek:

As for the OP. I think the fact your asking this very question is a sign something isn't right. When I was with my ex I couldn't imagine a life without her. The thought of 'settling' was never in my mind.

RichGold

Erm, Just one thing......



Who's Carrie Bradshaw?

Moomin21

Thanks everyone...lots to think about for me here!! it's always good to get the perspective of other people because its easy to be self involved and only think about yourself!!

has a thought about my parents after reading this..my mum 'settled' for my dad because she didn't think she would get anyone better, they had a pretty rubbish marriage and are now divorced!! so maybe I have gone in the otehr direction..thinking i deserve the perfect person and not putting up with an unhappy relationship..not that by BF treats me the way my dad treated my mum. might just be pscho-babble but maybe our parents' relationship is a model for our own?! I'm defiantely thinking too much!!

I really shoulda ppreciate my boyfriend more, I feel like a bit of a b*tch now, and maybe he deserves someone a lot nicer!! my best friend got married recently, and its amazing what a wedding does to your brain!! they're just so happy and it makes you realise/just think that you don't really feel that way anymore!!

Thanks all, please don't think I'm a c*w!!

xx

VestanPance

RichGold wrote: »

Erm, Just one thing......



Who's Carrie Bradshaw?

Pray to the gods of men that never have to find out!