Do we expect too much from relationships?

Lotus-eater

RichGold wrote: »

Erm, Just one thing......



Who's Carrie Bradshaw?

Yeah I was wondering that.

Errata

Anybody who thinks real life relationships should be like the ones in fiction needs to have a long lie downin a darkened room, and an even longer think.

FattyBettyBoo

Read "Don't sweat the small stuff" by Richard Carlson - it really helps put things into perspective (in fact, everyone should).

One chapter is called Avoid Weatherproofing. The idea is that we weatherproof our home in winter by looking for cracks, leaks and imperfections, and he suggests not to do the same with our relationships. Apparently it just makes us feel bad and encourages the tendency to focus o what is bad not what is good. Basically, appreciate what you have, and if you don't nothing will ever be good enough.

My sister through away a great relationship because she didn't feel they were sole mates. Two years of being single, and realising that everyone else had already bagged the best blokes, later she somewhat regretted it. How old are you? I know it shouldn't matter but unfortunately is does. If you're over 25 then I'd see it out!

VestanPance

FattyBettyBoo wrote: »

My sister through away a great relationship because she didn't feel they were sole mates. Two years of being single, and realising that everyone else had already bagged the best blokes, later she somewhat regretted it. How old are you? I know it shouldn't matter but unfortunately is does. If you're over 25 then I'd see it out!

You're hardly on the scrap heap at 26! And going by various threads on this very forum it looks like they bag a lot of the worst blokes too!

Her boyfriend going on what she's posted sounds like a good lad. In terms of marraige you should be going in sure that you want to be with that person. No matter how much of a stand up bloke he is if she can't picture herself being happy with him over the next 10/20/50 years etc then the relationship is already on shakey ground. She needs to answer to herself if she sees herself being with her for the rest of her life.

I agree to an extend though that sometimes people don't appreciate what they had until it's gone.

Tish_P

Speaking for myself, I couldn't be with someone who didn't share my sense of humour. If you're bored after three years how will it be after thirty?

People might expect too much from relationships in general - I don't know. However, if your mum sees being loyal and not hurting you as unusually wonderful features meaning that you should cling to this fellow for dear life, rather than the ground rules that ought to be expected of anyone, I shouldn't think she's one of them.

BugglyB

I think its less expecting too much of relationships and more expecting too much of people.

One man/woman cannot be loyal, trustworthy, dependable, exciting, gregarious, serious, funny, flirty, silly, discrete, virtuous, romantic, independant, solvent, successful, generous, interesting, humble, modest, physically and mentally healthy, charming, family orientated, attractive and monogomous. Its simply asking too much. Whats important is finding out what is your priority and letting other things go.

What you're thinking to yourself is, I'm already a bit bored of this guy, but if I dump him I might end up someone who's really exciting but treats me like crap, and then wish I'd stuck with Boring Dave. Isn't it! Be honest with yourself.

The trick is to find someone who is nice to you and excites you. But don't be surprised if he comes with a 4 year old kid from a previous relationship, or turns out to be addicted to world of warcraft, or sometimes looks at gay !!!!!!

FattyBettyBoo

And going by various threads on this very forum it looks like they bag a lot of the worst blokes too!

If that were true I wouldn't have a dilema - its that fact that he's an amazing person that makes my situation so difficult.

euronorris

kettlefish wrote: »

Being kind and loyal to your partner would not be enough for me. I think that should be a given. The extras like humour, fancying each other, and shared values are the things which can make someone "The One" (but they still might not!!) You will meet hundreds of Mr Nice's but it does not necessarily mean they are Mr Right. If you're restless then I'd let him go and find someone who does find him 'interesting.'

That's also true. I met a lovely guy before meeting my OH. He was sweet, considerate, loving, funny and looking to settle down etc.

On paper, he was perfect partner material. In reality, there was no spark, so I called it off pretty quickly. Glad I did, as he was pretty upset even though we'd only been dating about 6 weeks. Imagine how hurt he would've been 3 years in?? I believe he found someone else and married them, so I assume he's very happy also. And, when I met OH I felt completely differently than how I did when I met this other guy! I just couldn't wait to see him again! lol

Lotus-eater

BugglyB wrote: »

I think its less expecting too much of relationships and more expecting too much of people.

One man/woman cannot be loyal, trustworthy, dependable, exciting, gregarious, serious, funny, flirty, silly, discrete, virtuous, romantic, independant, solvent, successful, generous, interesting, humble, modest, physically and mentally healthy, charming, family orientated, attractive and monogomous.

Obviously you haven't met me in the flesh.

Also obviously you can now cross out humble from the list for me.

Lotus-eater

BugglyB wrote: »

addicted to world of warcraft, or sometimes looks at gay !!!!!!

I could forgive the gay !!!!!!, but FGS WOW......? Romance killer.