Help! Daughter and BF booked for *cheap* trip to Dublin!

photome

ahall41116 wrote: »

it seems they were always going to rome.

ash

Maybe that tells you something

Leave them to it.

I had seen a lot of the world by the time I was 21 (without my parents). I am now in my 50s so the post you made about not being able to get away easily (back then) isnt really the case

budgetflyer

Ballsbridge Inn is a lovely 3 star HOTEL found via https://www.roomratecompare.com best price OTEL.COM Twin Rm for only £230 for 6 nights early September
This is a complete no brainer at this price. A few years back I paid £110 + tax a night when this was owned by Jurys.
Hotel facilities include swimming pool and gym
Ballsbridge is a nice, affluent part of Dublin yet walking distance from the city centre.

Matt2389

^^ They're going to Rome now!

poet123

The area around the station in Rome (Termini) is not that safe. I would stay a bit nearer the centre.

Pollycat

ahall41116 wrote: »

no, it seems *love struck* chaps wanted to got to rome, probably softening the blwo perhaps?

they are flying out 5th sept, back 12th sept

I'm still not clear how you came to think they had booked for Dublin to such an extent that you posted here asking for advice on their behalf.

Did he & your daughter discuss Dublin and she thought he'd booked for there but he changed his mind and booked for Rome without telling or even discussing it with her?
So she told you Dublin believing that's where they were going?

If it were me, I'd want to make sure I wasn't being played for the fool by the pair of them.

If it was him who'd decided to change the booking to Rome without telling her - does he sound a nice enough bloke to be with your daughter?

ahall41116

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm still not clear how you came to think they had booked for Dublin to such an extent that you posted here asking for advice on their behalf.

Did he & your daughter discuss Dublin and she thought he'd booked for there but he changed his mind and booked for Rome without telling or even discussing it with her?
So she told you Dublin believing that's where they were going?

If it were me, I'd want to make sure I wasn't being played for the fool by the pair of them.

If it was him who'd decided to change the booking to Rome without telling her - does he sound a nice enough bloke to be with your daughter?

here's the update.

They booked to go to rome, they were always going to rome, they never had any intention of going to dublin.

the wife, me and child no2 was on holiday last week, and we returned to be told child (!) no 1 had booked to go away with BF, and knowing we wouldnt be pleased that she had committed to a trp when she knew she was needed for childcare due to me and wife travelling with work, i guess panicked, and said dublin thinking we would think it would cost less. this deception even went as far as commenting on the daybreak feature about spending a day in dublin for £50.

I had printed off a summary of your comments for dublin, as well as emailing her the links, but when BF arrived yesterday, saw this on the coffee table, and made daughter tell us the truth.

it seems that they have put some thought into it, although atm this only seems to extend as far as getting the train to BF's auntie who lives near stansted, who is taking and collecting from airport (although they dont return until 2345 on the 12th)

we were told they spend £70 each on flights, but this now turns out to be £120, when we asked what she had budgeted for accom (at the time still thinking dublin was dest) she said, non-commitally, £200-250, although i dont think this is currently 'in the bank' as she is over her overdraft in one account, and is borrowing from the £2 jar for pettrol whilst we were away.

I take on board all your comments about 21yr olds being in control of their own destiny, and it is probably a failing of ours to give her the common sense to complete this trip without fear, but i really do worry that she is going to get half way through this trip, realise they hadnt budgeted enough, and cause they're flyin ryanair, struggle to get back earlier.

when i was 21, i left home in doncaster and moved to aberdeen. daughter wont even drive from chester to wigan to see her nanna, even on the promise of birthday money!

hope you understand our situation a little clearer.

ash

Pollycat

Thanks for the clarification (naughty daughter not to tell the truth - did she think you wouldn't find out?).

I can't help with Rome but my comments in post #42 about deciding what they want to (or can afford to) see and do by checking out and asking for advice on websites such as Holidaytruths and Tripadvisor forum still stands.

If you google 'Rome' she should find a number of websites giving ideas of attractions.
She will be able to see how much it costs to go to, for example, the Colloseum, the Vatican etc and what days/times they are open.
Then, they can plan what to do on what days and (hopefully) minimise the travel around the city by visiting attractions in the same area on the same day.

Then when she gets home I think you need to have a 'you're an adult and need to be more responsible and we're not going to bail you out when you mess things up' talk.

ahall41116

Pollycat wrote: »

Thanks for the clarification (naughty daughter not to tell the truth - did she think you wouldn't find out?).

I can't help with Rome but my comments in post #42 about deciding what they want to (or can afford to) see and do by checking out and asking for advice on websites such as Holidaytruths and Tripadvisor forum still stands.

If you google 'Rome' she should find a number of websites giving ideas of attractions.
She will be able to see how much it costs to go to, for example, the Colloseum, the Vatican etc and what days/times they are open.
Then, they can plan what to do on what days and (hopefully) minimise the travel around the city by visiting attractions in the same area on the same day.

Then when she gets home I think you need to have a 'you're an adult and need to be more responsible and we're not going to bail you out when you mess things up' talk.

everything is being kept very close to their chests.

she forwarded us a copy of the ryanair booking, but removed the original email header so we didnt see when it was booked (like that matters!)

im supporting her at a appointment at the bank tomorrow to try and get them to stop charging on her overdraft (not that im hopeful) but we (wife and me) have come to the conclusion that it is thier holiday, and they clearly will do whatever they want, whether we think its a good idea or not.

whenever we've gone on holiday, ive always started with a grid, 1 column for each day away, 1 row for morning, lunch, afternoon and dinner/evening. this allows me to plan what we *think* we might do, when, and put an estimate of cost against it.

we've suggested they do the same, but they are lying low atm, they went out 5 minutes after we came in from work, and back i 10 minutes after we went to bed (not that im suggesting they were waiting for lights to be turned off!)

what we go through for our kids!

ash

elvis86

ahall41116 wrote: »

whenever we've gone on holiday, ive always started with a grid, 1 column for each day away, 1 row for morning, lunch, afternoon and dinner/evening. this allows me to plan what we *think* we might do, when, and put an estimate of cost against it.

we've suggested they do the same

This may work for you, but it's quite a regimented approach to a holiday and won't be for everyone (in fact I don't know of anyone being so organised!). Perhaps not for your daughter and her BF.

In my own experience, I will have some idea of things that may interest me (something will have had to inspire me to go to a place in the first place), but there won't necessarily be a regimented itinery until we're there. I'll know that I have £X per day (total spends divided by number of days), and will monitor over/underspends daily so I know how much I have left for the following days (going by my some of my friends' reactions, even that is considered a bit OCD!). But other than that I'd tend to play it by ear.

It sounds to me like you're in a difficult position with your daughter, in many ways you still maintain a parent/infant relationship (eg attending the bank with her, like she's not capable), and it's fair to say that she's perhaps over-reliant on your support. However, she is an adult, and as such, only wants to accept/tolerate your involvement when it suits her, and will rebel by doing things such as booking a holiday. The parents of a regular 21 year old would have no business inteferring, but you feel compelled to because in other areas of her life she behaves like a child and requires (and actively seeks) your support?

And yes, as you say, it probably is at least partly due to the way you've raised her. But my parents have a similar problem with my sister (she'll think she's grown up enough to book a holiday then come begging when she can't afford to pay the balance - IMO their mistake is paying rather than making her learn an expensive lesson!), whereas I'm very independent - so I think it's quite possible that it's also just a result of the kind of person she is pre-disposed to be, your second daughter may turn out to be completely different!

I really would advise you to leave them to it. It's not like they're going to a third world country or the other side of the world. Best case scenario; they have a brilliant time and prove themselves entirely capable, allowing you to feel happy letting go a bit more. Worst case scenario; they mess up as you've predicted, they run out of money and you have to shell out £500 for flights which you make them pay back!

poet123

All my sons have been raised the same way and all are completely different. In general though most people of 21 are adult enough to plan a holiday, and if they make a mistake, they learn from it. It is hard as a parent to stand by and watch but if I have learned anything from doing it 4 times it is that if you cushion them too much they will never move forward, most of us only learn from mistakes we make, not from those of others.