Just how bad can parents get?

Jewel_2

euronorris wrote: »

I don't think it is though, and I think you may be a little sensitive about this subject and therefore see a slight where there isn't one. If someone points out an error in my work, or a better way to do something, I don't automatically assume that they are saying I am a rubbish employee. I think 'Oh yeah, whoops. Thanks for letting me know, I hadn't realised I'd missed it.', or 'Oh wow, that is much better/quicker, thanks!'.

The hat and sunglasses would also be in my concerns, but I accept that perhaps they have fallen off or the child keeps removing them (as most of my nieces used to do).

I think you are also confusing opinion with fact here. The damage that the sun can do is proven, scientifically. Whereas, as far as I am aware, dogs are very loving towards children, and protective even. SO long as they are trained properly. I would agree that having a poorly trained dog in the house, with little ones, isn't a good idea, particularly if it has shown agression.

If I saw someone with a dog showing agression, and they had a young child, I probably would say something or suggest a good dog trainer.

The damage the sun can do is long term, and without all the facts, it's judgemental of us in the same way as my interpretation of having animals. Here you've given your opinion on what you think dogs can do - I have had experience of a cousin being bitten by her dog so I have a different opinion, it's not going to change my mind.

I am probably even more concerned about the sun than you are, if I'm honest, I hate kids in the sun, I don't think kids like sun, and I would never go to a country that was 40 degrees, it would be just toooo hot. So i would go one step further and ban all children going out in the midday sun. Then I could go round policing those who are out

euronorris

Jewel wrote: »

I wouldn't even take a child to Egypt in 40 degree heat, actually, but I can't stop other people doing it.

If I went around telling people what they were doing wrong with their kids I would be there all day - I can people watch and have an opinion on everything. But its rare that I would actually say anything, unless I really thought, logically, that the child was in danger, because they're my opinions.

But that's just it. In the examples that Tygermouth and I have given, with over exposure to the sun, there was real danger to the child.

And in my case, I was proven right. That poor little girl will probably have scars for life from those blisters. It's on the same level of 2nd or 3rd degree burns in my opinion, and to sit and watch that happen without saying something is the same as sitting and watching someone poor boiling water over the child and not saying anything. Would any of us let that happen to a child without trying to stop it? I sincerely hope not.

Jewel_2

*Louise* wrote: »

So you would speak up if a child was in danger....that's the point I was trying to make. The difference between thoughtless parenting (hot dogs) and bad/dangerous parenting (sunburn)

What sunburn? No-one was aware of whether the child did indeed have sunblock on. In the same way that the parent may feed this child exactly the same food at every meal time.

Thoughtless parenting - what exactly do you mean by that? Is it based on what your opinions are of a good parent? I know some excellent parents who feed their children cr*p once a week. They're not thoughtless at all.

lostinrates

Jewel wrote: »

I wouldn't even take a child to Egypt in 40 degree heat, actually, but I can't stop other people doing it.

If I went around telling people what they were doing wrong with their kids I would be there all day - I can people watch and have an opinion on everything. But its rare that I would actually say anything, unless I really thought, logically, that the child was in danger, because they're my opinions.

And children are born in Egypt.


I've told this story a few times on MSE, but its often apt.

DH and I once collapsed into stifled giggles in Venice....one of the most amazing cities in the world, a working city behind the extreme tourism, and famous for...canals.

The English people we ended up walking behind were quite outraged ''It should all be fenced off, its so dangerous, people must die all the time''. They went on to wonder where all the children were, presuming them drowned in the water.....it was a school morning.

(mean while of course, the Italians are scowling at how underdressed the british kids are, and I'm wondering how the Italian kids aren't baked to death in their skisuits on warm spring days.

moomoomama27

I would have to say something if a child was in danger, I couldn't just tut and shake my head!

I got a mouthful the other day, a young couple with a toddler that live at the bottom of my road were screaming all the way up the road at their toddler for whinging, she was hot, she had on a jogging suit and it was about 28 degrees! She kept asking to take her top off and crying by the time they were by me (I was just leaving home, but had heard them all the way up the road)! They then whispered to each other, got down on her ear level, and counted 123 and BOTH shouted at the top of their lungs, actually screamed would be better SHUT UUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP in her ear! I couldn't help myself, but to say something, the child was grabbing her ears. All I got was an F off etc etc, but I callled SS and gave their address and name! It's not the first time, and after speaking to a neighbour who lives nearer to them, they said also they had huge concerns, so I prompted them to give SS a call too!

Yes I was a busy body, and I would think some would tell me to mind my own business! I certainly wouldn't judge a parent for food/drink, no shoes, too big for a buggy, because I've BTDT with my three and know how stubborn kids can be with shoes/hats/gloves! Know how looks can be decieving with re: to buggies and sizes, and don't know if food like milkshakes, sausage rolls, choc bars etc are just a one off!

euronorris

Jewel wrote: »

The damage the sun can do is long term, and without all the facts, it's judgemental of us in the same way as my interpretation of having animals. Here you've given your opinion on what you think dogs can do - I have had experience of a cousin being bitten by her dog so I have a different opinion, it's not going to change my mind.

I am probably even more concerned about the sun than you are, if I'm honest, I hate kids in the sun, I don't think kids like sun, and I would never go to a country that was 40 degrees, it would be just toooo hot. So i would go one step further and ban all children going out in the midday sun. Then I could go round policing those who are out

I'm not sure how saying 'oh, she's looking a little red. Perhaps you should reapply the suncream or sit in the shade.' is judgemental? I'm not saying 'you clearly haven't put any cream on that child! Do it now!'.

Sometimes things escape our attention. H'll, I'm very careful in the sun as I burn so easily, but even I've not noticed myself getting burnt until someone else has pointed it out before. I was grateful. I didn't think 'you're so judgemental!', or 'she thinks I can't look after myself.'.

It's a shame your basing your opinion of dogs on one experience alone. Have you ever watched the Dog Whisperer? I've seen episodes where he's completely rehabilitated biting dogs. A dog's behaviour is largely dependant on it's owner. It's an eye opener, and well worth a watch (even if only for seeing a dog that was making it's way through rugs, cos it had an itchy mouth! lol Poor thing was allergic to chicken!).

I was always kept out of the sun at midday. That is the advice for everyone though, isn't it?

Oh, and 40 degree heat is just too much. I was glad to get home. It didn't drop below 30, even at night! :eek:

euronorris

Jewel wrote: »

What sunburn? No-one was aware of whether the child did indeed have sunblock on. In the same way that the parent may feed this child exactly the same food at every meal time.

Her arms had turned pink already, which is a good indication of sunburn. By that point, if the child had sunblock on or not is irrelevant. The damage has been done, and the child's arms should be covered to prevent any further burning.

adouglasmhor

Jewel wrote: »

But it is a slight against someone's parenting skills, and its a questioning approach.

That's just nonsense - sometimes you have to step in and as for being a slight against someones parenting skills - so what? If they had decent parenting skills you would not have to say anything.

ticklepenny_2

I get sick to the back teeth with people interfering with my parenting skills I really do feel like offering thema chance to try their luck with my 2 year old.
"she should wear a hat/socks/Gloves/shoes/coat" Good luck she left the house wearing them.

"I wouldnt let a child of mine throw a tantrum like that" Bully for you, my kid tantrums big style once a day like clockwork and is amazing the rest of the day.

My 2 year old says please, thank you, excuse me, pardon me, sorry, I love you amongst many other things. She is polite, headstrong, loving and healthy.

When people feel the need to interject with some "helpful" advice I will tell them to leave me alone as so far in the last 2 years none of it has been helpful and all of the situations have been taken out of context. Only if you spend all day with my child and I, will I then pay any attention as you may have a clue what you are talking about.

Its like one of my work colleagues saying that anyone sat at home on a week day is workshy, its a load of tosh but then I suppose that is their opinion.

Jewel_2

ticklepenny wrote: »

I get sick to the back teeth with people interfering with my parenting skills I really do feel like offering thema chance to try their luck with my 2 year old.
"she should wear a hat/socks/Gloves/shoes/coat" Good luck she left the house wearing them.

"I wouldnt let a child of mine throw a tantrum like that" Bully for you, my kid tantrums big style once a day like clockwork and is amazing the rest of the day.

My 2 year old says please, thank you, excuse me, pardon me, sorry, I love you amongst many other things. She is polite, headstrong, loving and healthy.

When people feel the need to interject with some "helpful" advice I will tell them to leave me alone as so far in the last 2 years none of it has been helpful and all of the situations have been taken out of context. Only if you spend all day with my child and I, will I then pay any attention as you may have a clue what you are talking about.

Its like one of my work colleagues saying that anyone sat at home on a week day is workshy, its a load of tosh but then I suppose that is their opinion.

You've put it much better than me. It's like people taking a 'snapshot' and then thinking they know better than the parent. My friend has a little boy with Autism and when he was little he was forever bashing her over the head when he had a tantrum. The looks she used to get at the swimming pool from others (usually other mothers who thought they were better, and older people who should actually know better) was amazing. One even went over, gave the little one a sweet and said "there, that's better. Now you can be nice to your mummy!" How uneducated and patronising is that.

When my daughter was six weeks old I was asked to go to the GP with her to talk to mums to be to tell them what it was like (a kind of presentation thingy). The one piece of 'advice' I gave them was to gen up on everything, and then make a calculated decision for yourself. Even at that point, I had people telling me to donate milk, breastfeed, bottlefeed, don't bathe baby every day, bathe baby every day, put them in your room, keep them in their own room, don't use a dummy, do use a dummy, ignore their crying, wake them up for a feed, nursery's good, nursery's bad, working mum huh ... stay at home mum huh ... she needs solids, she needs to stay on milk. Then later .... do give them this to eat, make a pretty dinner but don't worry what they eat of it, give them what they want to eat. Honestly I could go on for ever.

Now she stuffs her face with pizza, will not get up in the morning, walks round like Kevin on Harry Enfield. But she still wears suncream:D