Just how bad can parents get?

*Louise*

Jewel wrote: »

OK then, I'll use another example. What about a child eating a hot dog from a burger stand? Would you automatically assume that's all they are eating, or would you think that the parent had weighed up the odds and thought it OK? The reason I used the initial example was to point out that it is all opinion.

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I wouldn't draw any assumptions from something like that, and I doubt many people would tbh.

I feel that it stops being 'just an opinion' when someone can see a child clearly uncomfortable in their situation and starting to burn.:eek:

There is a clear difference between assuming something and something dangerous actually occurring in front of you. It's that latter times that I think more peope should be able to speak up, but unfortunately the fear of violence is always high.


Edited to add: I just remembered something one of my friends witnessed....change your hot dog to a baby bottle full of neat vodka. Would you say something then? My friend met a woman who took her 12month old to a party and fed her vodka to make her sleep so she could go and have fun. My friend told her straight she was wrong (just her opinion?) and phoned social services. Was she wrong to express her concern?

euronorris

Jewel wrote: »

Where do you stop though? Do you go up to adults drinking pints and say "excuse me, do you know you're killing yourself, you're a bit overweight, you know you're at high risk of having a heart attack". Most people would never voice these concerns, and they really may be doing something they think is in that person's interest and not wishing to call offence. For some reason, everyone thinks they can voice an opinion of the care of a child. I have no doubt whatsoever that there are cases with a big cause for concern - and we should all be vigilant. Yes, as someone said, too much sun causes cancer, but how many of us go up and down the beach pointing this out to everyone?

I had post natal depression for a while when my daughter was born, and, together with a lack of sleep, the majority of this was to do with books and others telling me how to be a good mum. My daughter's 12 now and I'm a brilliant mum . But no-one comes up to me and criticises if my daughter's in the sun. What's the difference (by the way, I hate the sun, I'm just using it as an example).

Of course I wouldn't go up to an adult and tell them that drinking alcohol can cause damage (well, if it was a friend/family member who was showing clear signs of alcohol abuse, then I would have a word). But that is because they are adults. They are a) sufficiently educated by that point, on the dangers of drinking and b) old enough to make the decision for themselves.

A child is neither of those things, and relies on the adult to make those decisions for them.

Why wouldn't we voice our opinion on the care of a child if we thought that the care (or lack of it), was causing the child serious harm? To use your example, and switch it around, where do draw the line at not saying something? When a child is clearly getting sunburnt and sunstroke, when the child is being hit, or do we wait until they are in A&E?

I'm sure you are a brilliant Mum, and I'm also sure you ensure that your daughter applies sun cream before going out to play in the sun and because she wouldn't be turning red, or crying with discomfort, no one would have any cause for concern, would they? And at 12, you've probably educated her on the damaging effects of the sun and asked her to come back for reapplications every now and then.

I must admit also, I have pointed out the dangers of burning to adults refusing to use sunblock (or only using oil!!!!:eek:), and also to the parents of a child. It was in Eqypt, 40 degree heat and they'd only put sun cream on the child once, in the morning. It was now well into midday, the child was visibly bright red and still in the pool. So I tried to politely point out that the child was quite red and maybe it would be a good idea to reapply the cream and or wear a t-shirt and sit in the shade for a while. I received a tirade of abuse. The next day, that poor child was in a t-shirt and absolutly caked in suncream, but I could still see the blisters from the day before! The parents wouldn't even look at me after that.

I wasn't trying to say 'hey you're awful parents you are'. More a case of, 'maybe you haven't noticed, as you have sunglasses on and have more than one child to keep an eye on, but that one's looking a little burnt.'.

19lottie82

No I didn’t say anything. But I thought it was pretty disgusting that someone would give a toddler, whose milk teeth are coming through, prob the most sugary drink you can buy, in a bottle! Those milkshakes have about 600 calories of pure sugar in them and anyone who would give them to a child that young is an IDIOT !

Am I not allowed to have an opinion?

Jewel_2

Tygermoth wrote: »

The key word here is adult. A small child can not defend themselves or make these lifestyle choices they are at the mercy of their parents good or bad. As such they sometimes may need championing.

I am not getting at you btw or rubbishing your opinions, at all.

I know you're not

Parents, though, are there to parent their children. To the same extent that adults are there to look after themselves. In extreme cases there needs to be intervention, of course, just as some adults are rubbish. But these are only opinions. I agree, it's dangerous to put a child in the sun, without sunblock, when they will burn. But there are also millions of other things we do with kids that are dangerous, all day, every day. We just have different opinions on what are priorities, and unless that baby is in danger (which in your case you thought it was) we should keep our opinions to ourselves.

I still think that the op needs to consider what she thinks of christenings where they wet the baby's head ...

Jewel_2

19lottie82 wrote: »

No I didn’t say anything. But I thought it was pretty disgusting that someone would give a toddler, whose milk teeth are coming through, prob the most sugary drink you can buy, in a bottle! Those milkshakes have about 600 calories of pure sugar in them and anyone who would give them to a child that young is an IDIOT !

Am I not allowed to have an opinion?

Yes of course you can have an opinion, I just wondered why you hadn't said all of that to the mum? If you were so concerned about the child ...

*Louise*

Tygermoth wrote: »

The key word here is adult. A small child can not defend themselves or make these lifestyle choices they are at the mercy of their parents good or bad. As such they sometimes may need championing.

I am not getting at you btw or rubbishing your opinions, at all.

Totally agree with this.

Some parents need a little guidance (I know I did when I had my first) and where will they get it if not from people politely offering advice if the situation warrants it?

19lottie82

Jewel wrote: »

Yes of course you can have an opinion, I just wondered why you hadn't said all of that to the mum? If you were so concerned about the child ...

Do you voice your opinion in front of strangers every time you have a concern, shoudl it be regarding a child, or otherwise?

euronorris

Jewel wrote: »

But it is a slight against someone's parenting skills, and its a questioning approach. The thing is, it's not even the sunblock, babies should be wearing sunglasses and hats, but because that may not feature in'your' concerns, it's not questioned.

I, for example, don't think you should keep dogs and cats as pets when you have little ones. My unpopular opinion I know, but I don't go round telling everyone else that I'm concerned their own children are going to get bitten.

I don't think it is though, and I think you may be a little sensitive about this subject and therefore see a slight where there isn't one. If someone points out an error in my work, or a better way to do something, I don't automatically assume that they are saying I am a rubbish employee. I think 'Oh yeah, whoops. Thanks for letting me know, I hadn't realised I'd missed it.', or 'Oh wow, that is much better/quicker, thanks!'.

The hat and sunglasses would also be in my concerns, but I accept that perhaps they have fallen off or the child keeps removing them (as most of my nieces used to do).

I think you are also confusing opinion with fact here. The damage that the sun can do is proven, scientifically. Whereas, as far as I am aware, dogs are very loving towards children, and protective even. SO long as they are trained properly. I would agree that having a poorly trained dog in the house, with little ones, isn't a good idea, particularly if it has shown agression.

If I saw someone with a dog showing agression, and they had a young child, I probably would say something or suggest a good dog trainer.

Jewel_2

euronorris wrote: »

Of course I wouldn't go up to an adult and tell them that drinking alcohol can cause damage (well, if it was a friend/family member who was showing clear signs of alcohol abuse, then I would have a word). But that is because they are adults. They are a) sufficiently educated by that point, on the dangers of drinking and b) old enough to make the decision for themselves.

A child is neither of those things, and relies on the adult to make those decisions for them.

Why wouldn't we voice our opinion on the care of a child if we thought that the care (or lack of it), was causing the child serious harm? To use your example, and switch it around, where do draw the line at not saying something? When a child is clearly getting sunburnt and sunstroke, when the child is being hit, or do we wait until they are in A&E?

I'm sure you are a brilliant Mum, and I'm also sure you ensure that your daughter applies sun cream before going out to play in the sun and because she wouldn't be turning red, or crying with discomfort, no one would have any cause for concern, would they? And at 12, you've probably educated her on the damaging effects of the sun and asked her to come back for reapplications every now and then.

I must admit also, I have pointed out the dangers of burning to adults refusing to use sunblock (or only using oil!!!!:eek:), and also to the parents of a child. It was in Eqypt, 40 degree heat and they'd only put sun cream on the child once, in the morning. It was now well into midday, the child was visibly bright red and still in the pool. So I tried to politely point out that the child was quite red and maybe it would be a good idea to reapply the cream and or wear a t-shirt and sit in the shade for a while. I received a tirade of abuse. The next day, that poor child was in a t-shirt and absolutly caked in suncream, but I could still see the blisters from the day before! The parents wouldn't even look at me after that.

I wasn't trying to say 'hey you're awful parents you are'. More a case of, 'maybe you haven't noticed, as you have sunglasses on and have more than one child to keep an eye on, but that one's looking a little burnt.'.

I wouldn't even take a child to Egypt in 40 degree heat, actually, but I can't stop other people doing it.

If I went around telling people what they were doing wrong with their kids I would be there all day - I can people watch and have an opinion on everything. But its rare that I would actually say anything, unless I really thought, logically, that the child was in danger, because they're my opinions.

*Louise*

Jewel wrote: »

But its rare that I would actually say anything, unless I really thought, logically, that the child was in danger, because they're my opinions.

So you would speak up if a child was in danger....that's the point I was trying to make. The difference between thoughtless parenting (hot dogs) and bad/dangerous parenting (sunburn)