Just how bad can parents get?

Tygermoth

lostinrates wrote: »

with that part I agree. And also that we should be looking out for the kids in our society, more readily stepping up and saying something or calling people with authority to make judgments.

However, there are possible explanations to what the OP saw, (as in many cases) and yet the worst conclusion is jumped too with no possibility for personal fallibility considered.

We need to feel able to express concern, we also need to know sometimes our concerns are not always valid.

A very balanced view.

Thinking about this a bit more…and jewels response.

I think its more someone has made a judgement of the mothers care for the child. NO ONE likes to be judged.

It does not matter if the situation is dire or not. The feeling of being 'cross' at the person mentioning something is someone rightly or wrongly has had a negative outlook on that individuals parenting.

No one likes snap judgments. that’s fair to say but sometimes it makes me a bit sad you feel you cant say anything for fear of giving offence even to the detriment of the health and wellbeing of a small child.

adouglasmhor

19lottie82 wrote: »

I was in the shopping centre next to where I work a few months ago and saw a child in a pram maybe aged 18 months and saw a young mum giving it a greggs sausage roll with the pastry removed (ie a bit of beige meat), and pouring a mcdonalds milkshake into its bottle! :mad:

I saw a mother giving red bull to her toddler. Stupid stupid woman.

onlyroz

19lottie82 wrote: »

I was in the shopping centre next to where I work a few months ago and saw a child in a pram maybe aged 18 months and saw a young mum giving it a greggs sausage roll with the pastry removed (ie a bit of beige meat), and pouring a mcdonalds milkshake into its bottle! :mad:

Oh the horror of giving a small child a sausage roll. How do you not know it was the once-weekly treat?

Seems like there are a lot of judgemental people on here - for the child being walked in the rain, how do you know they weren't just nipping down the road, and would only be outside for 2 minutes? I don't see how getting a bit wet in august will cause any permanent damage.

As for hats and wellies, my daughter loves them. She'll happily potter about the garden either in full winter get-up or in practically nothing with bare feet. I let her because I know if she was uncomfortable then she'd just come back inside.

pigpen

My mother and I saw a guy giving a tiny baby drags on his cigarette outside Chavsda.. and funnily enough.. so did the police officers we went over and told..

*Louise*

Tygermoth wrote: »

This is what I don't understand... why would you tell me to mind my on business? or anyone respond with venom?

I would only ever have the best interests of the child at heart... as would most people so I can not understand why such an aggressive response to a gentle enquiry.

Even it the person was a busy body a simple - everything is fine she has sun block on but thanks for asking.......

I think you were absolutely right to do what you did. As long as something is done in a polite, non accusatory way, where's the harm. Sometimes people don't learn they are doing something the wrong way until it is gently pointed out to them.

Too many people are worried about getting a violent reaction these daysso many minor cases of neglect/ stupidity go unchallenged.

Jewel wrote: »

I get your point, but again its all about what 'we' see as moral values, and then think we can tell others our opinions and concerns. For example, I wouldn't come up to you and say "excuse me, but those red trousers really don't go with that orange top and I'm worried you'll be made fun of". If you're happy with your dress sense, then so be it. Now, there's a limit of course. Sometimes there's proven concerns and your sun example is one of those grey areas. But to be honest, I'm not going to go into a well know burger bar and say "scuze me all you parents, I think your kids would prefer cucumber sandwiches".

And the rain example just doesn't make sense, it's as ridiculous as saying a child shouldn't eat ice-cream incase they catch a cold.

I just totally don't get how you can equate your example with the sun issue. What an adult wears is hardly going to cause a medical problem. (Hardly a moral value) When a child could be potentially sunburned then it is definitely time for somone to speak up and voice their concerns. If the child has sunblock on then all is well but at least someone cared enough to ask.

Jewel_2

Tygermoth wrote: »

A very balanced view.

Thinking about this a bit more…and jewels response.

I think its more someone has made a judgement of the mothers care for the child. NO ONE likes to be judged.

It does not matter if the situation is dire or not. The feeling of being 'cross' at the person mentioning something is someone rightly or wrongly has had a negative outlook on that individuals parenting.

No one likes snap judgments. that’s fair to say but sometimes it makes me a bit sad you feel you cant say anything for fear of giving offence even to the detriment of the health and wellbeing of a small child.

Where do you stop though? Do you go up to adults drinking pints and say "excuse me, do you know you're killing yourself, you're a bit overweight, you know you're at high risk of having a heart attack". Most people would never voice these concerns, and they really may be doing something they think is in that person's interest and not wishing to call offence. For some reason, everyone thinks they can voice an opinion of the care of a child. I have no doubt whatsoever that there are cases with a big cause for concern - and we should all be vigilant. Yes, as someone said, too much sun causes cancer, but how many of us go up and down the beach pointing this out to everyone?

I had post natal depression for a while when my daughter was born, and, together with a lack of sleep, the majority of this was to do with books and others telling me how to be a good mum. My daughter's 12 now and I'm a brilliant mum . But no-one comes up to me and criticises if my daughter's in the sun. What's the difference (by the way, I hate the sun, I'm just using it as an example).

Jewel_2

*Louise* wrote: »

I think you were absolutely right to do what you did. As long as something is done in a polite, non accusatory way, where's the harm. Sometimes people don't learn they are doing something the wrong way until it is gently pointed out to them.

Too many people are worried about getting a violent reaction these daysso many minor cases of neglect/ stupidity go unchallenged.



I just totally don't get how you can equate your example with the sun issue. What an adult wears is hardly going to cause a medical problem. (Hardly a moral value) When a child could be potentially sunburned then it is definitely time for somone to speak up and voice their concerns. If the child has sunblock on then all is well but at least someone cared enough to ask.

OK then, I'll use another example. What about a child eating a hot dog from a burger stand? Would you automatically assume that's all they are eating, or would you think that the parent had weighed up the odds and thought it OK? The reason I used the initial example was to point out that it is all opinion.

My daughter's stepmother only eats organic food and is a vegetarian. She swears by it, and thinks meat is bad for you (as bad as being in the sun). Would I be OK with her telling me that perhaps I should not be giving my child meat? No I wouldn't.

Jewel_2

onlyroz wrote: »

Oh the horror of giving a small child a sausage roll. How do you not know it was the once-weekly treat?

Seems like there are a lot of judgemental people on here - for the child being walked in the rain, how do you know they weren't just nipping down the road, and would only be outside for 2 minutes? I don't see how getting a bit wet in august will cause any permanent damage.

As for hats and wellies, my daughter loves them. She'll happily potter about the garden either in full winter get-up or in practically nothing with bare feet. I let her because I know if she was uncomfortable then she'd just come back inside.

Exactly. Funny though, you look back when they're teenagers and think about all the stuff you used to get hysterical about. I wish I had been more lighthearted when she was little because it would have made things much more enjoyable than trying to follow what *well known groups* think is right.

Tygermoth

Jewel wrote: »

Where do you stop though? Do you go up to adults drinking pints and say "excuse me, do you know you're killing yourself, you're a bit overweight, you know you're at high risk of having a heart attack". .

The key word here is adult. A small child can not defend themselves or make these lifestyle choices they are at the mercy of their parents good or bad. As such they sometimes may need championing.

I am not getting at you btw or rubbishing your opinions, at all.

Jewel_2

euronorris wrote: »

I actually feel that the sun example isn't a grey area. Too much Sun exposure can cause health problems, and the long term effects of sunburn, especially at such a young age, has the possibility to lead to skin cancer.

So, in that instance, I think it is a good idea to say something if you have concerns. And I think most parents should realise that isn't a slight against your parenting skills, just someone showing concern for your child which is a lovely thing. Of course, if sunblock is applied, that's great and the lady could've said that in response. But I also feel that, in that heat, exposure to direct sunlight should be limited to avoid sunstroke and dehydration.

A little bit of warm rain though, is no cause for concern. And even if it was, it would be better to say something to the mother than to moan about it on a forum. After all, what is this thread going to do? Nothing.

But it is a slight against someone's parenting skills, and its a questioning approach. The thing is, it's not even the sunblock, babies should be wearing sunglasses and hats, but because that may not feature in'your' concerns, it's not questioned.

I, for example, don't think you should keep dogs and cats as pets when you have little ones. My unpopular opinion I know, but I don't go round telling everyone else that I'm concerned their own children are going to get bitten.