How to sack a bridesmaid?

melancholly

perhaps you could say that you are now only having a 'matron of honour' (clearly your SIL would have to be that as familiy must be involed - or something like that ) and no bridesmaids.... splitting hairs i know, but it may distract her so that she doesn't realise she's been replaced, just exluded!? (*clutches wildly at straws*!!)

milkydrink

Jamz wrote:

You've got my point there, You as the mom expect to help which is fine and if and when i have kids I will help out too, but does your daughter expect you to help financially?

Yes.
My daughter expects us to pay for it all, but I've told her that will depend on finances at the time & the sort of wedding planned, but that's my daughter, she's a bit indulged:o

*Louise*

sportbeth wrote:

Traditionally it is the father of the bride's family that pay for everything. I know tradition has worn off now that weddings are so darn expensive

And din't my dad heave a HUGE sigh of relief that that particular tradition has gone!!!:rotfl:

With 3 daughters - I think he was a bit worried...:D

Bargain_Rzl

chrispyphillips wrote:

1) Tell said BM that its probably best she doesnt attend the wedding, at least in BM form, as your OH has declared to you that he is a bit smitten with her, and her presence at the wedding may mean that his 'I Do' turns to an 'I do not'. As she is out of sight, then she is out of mind as far as said fella is concerned, but this 'appearance' may make him think twice and ruin the big day!!

...

3) Premeditate a falling out with her (as one other poster has said) that will ensure she wont want to appear in BM form. i.e make sure the colour dress is her least favourite (mock up a disgusting dress like that of Rachel in 'friends' - the pink bo-peep number)

I reckon you got point (1) from Friends too Didn't Monica and Chandler use that one TWICE on Janice? (once to stop her coming to the wedding, and once to stop her buying the house next door to them?) :rotfl:

Frightening how well one ends up knowing that show when there are repeats on several times a day

SusanCarter

sportbeth wrote:

Yeah, thats a thing, isn't it sometimes the norm to pay for your dress as a bridesmaid sometimes? I had to for my brothers wedding. £150 and it's only good for ebay now!

I haven't discussed that with her yet so maybe I'll just throw that into the conversation

When I was getting married, a wedding book I read said that if the bridesmaid won't be able to use the dress again then you should pay for it otherwise they should pay for it. We actually ended up using a dress my bridesmaid had already as we couldn't find one we liked but if we'd bought one we probably would have ended up going halves due to the fact that I would have wanted to pay because she was fairly skint and she would have wanted to pay because she is very honest and doesn't like to take anything for nothing.

If the issue is just the money then I would suggest sitting down and discussing exactly how much it is going to cost for her to be bridesmaid and get it clear excatly who is paying for what. Perhaps you could draw up a proposed bridesmaid budget which shows how much you expect things to cost and who you expect will pay for what?

If the issue is that you aren't as close now than you were than again talk to her about it but I wouldn't bring the money into it as that would just cause unecessary upset.

*Louise*

SusanCarter wrote:

When I was getting married, a wedding book I read said that if the bridesmaid won't be able to use the dress again then you should pay for it otherwise they should pay for it.

I think that is a very fair way to decide things.

mrsS_2

I was wondering- does the potential BM have a boyfriend?

If she is travelling a good distance and doesnt know many people at the wedding-could you use the excuse that boyfriend would be all alone if she was on the top table, and you really want them both to come so think it is better if she enjoys herself as a normal member of the wedding?

I dont think the issue is really about money-if you pay £100 for a dress and she goes off with it then it is not much more than hiring one for the day. It is not the end of the world. It is because your friendship has changed.

cantcope

I think if your friend is causing you more stress than helping out you should point it out to her.

I was a bridesmaid a few years ago and helped my friend choose her dress (her mum lives in spain), her flowers, we went for hair appointments to find one we liked, chose the bridesmaid dresses (these were from house of fraser and cost about £125), shoes etc....

I learnt how to tie her dress at the back and arranged a few girly treats for the night before her wedding...pink champagne, chocolates and chick flick dvds.

She paid for everything and i did feel a bit guilty but she explained that had i not been there she would have had to do this on her own.

She had picked another bridesmaid who she'd known for 10 years longer than me. She never came to even see the dresses as she didnt have time, she saw it a week before the wedding to make sure it fitted. She couldnt be bothered to get her hair done and wore her own shoes.

When it came to the ceremony i was called up as a witness, something my friend had forgotten to tell me. I was elated that she thought that much of me.

ANyway, throughout the whole day the other bridesmaid jsut got drunk and showed herself up. Had my friend had the courage to tell her where to go before the wedding it would have saved her money and embarrassment.

Be honest with your "friend" and find yourself a perfect bridesmaid.

Tom_Saunders

i have two boy, the female parents MUST pay !!!

sexy_fufu

lol tom thats funny