How to sack a bridesmaid?

victory

have you told her yet? Keep us updated xxx

Dumyat

just say you have changed your mind. you want the sister inlaw and you hope she will understand. be honest...blunt if need be. its your wedding.

sportbeth

victory wrote:

have you told her yet? Keep us updated xxx

Nope, not yet. I've given up smoking for new year so I'm trying to get through the first few days unscathed first then I will try and broach it at the weekend.

Will definitely come back and update everyone, you've all been so helpful

xx

suekjw

Good Luck with it. At the end of the day, if your OH was earning a fortune, and you didn't have a mortgage, she is still rude turning up with absolutely nothing when she comes to see you. Even if I suspected my friend would pay for my outfit, I would still offer to pay myself.

It's a very difficult situation for you and it's a shame that you should be made to feel so uncomfortable for what should be one of the happiest times of your life.

Turning_into_scrooge

When i got married years ago someone said to me that there is always one person who will be offended over the arrangements made and to ignore it and get on with the planning and the day as its their problem. Make her the person who takes the offense then everyone else can relax and enjoy themselves. She's a taker not a giver get rid, I'm sure you have much nicer friends closer to home

moanymoany

Sportsbeth,
You may have resolved your problem by now, but if not:-

Write her a letter explaining exactly how you feel and without going into details then tell her that you have become very close to your sister-in-law and she will be your bridesmaid. No apologies just a nice letter.

If she wants to continue with the friendship she will understand. If not then better you know now. It is YOUR wedding and if this issue is giving you sleepless nights now it needs to be sorted for your own peace of mind. By doing it nicely you will always feel good about it.

chrispyphillips

Oh man, you should have come straight to me, I got some ideas for ya!!

1) Tell said BM that its probably best she doesnt attend the wedding, at least in BM form, as your OH has declared to you that he is a bit smitten with her, and her presence at the wedding may mean that his 'I Do' turns to an 'I do not'. As she is out of sight, then she is out of mind as far as said fella is concerned, but this 'appearance' may make him think twice and ruin the big day!!

2) Tell her said SIL is ill (let her make her own assumptions, but dont use the terms 'terminal' or 'dying') and it may be her only chance at being a BM (hey, it genuinly may if she has no other brothers/sisters etc) that way the 'best friend' will presume that SIL isnt gonna bea round too much longer, when she may only have a cold :dance:

3) Premeditate a falling out with her (as one other poster has said) that will ensure she wont want to appear in BM form. i.e make sure the colour dress is her least favourite (mock up a disgusting dress like that of Rachel in 'friends' - the pink bo-peep number) tell her she has to pay for hair/make up etc (although I agree with a previous poster about the dress, its your choice to have her as BM so she shouldnt have to pay for that) but you can work out a few issues this way, then reconcile before the big day, whlst informing her that since its been a few weeks (/months etc) you asked SIL to be BM.

4) Tell her that OH has lost job/been demoted/DOESNT EARN AS MUCH AS SHE THINKS and that you cant afford to have the wedding. It is at this news that you will learn her true feelings. If she believes this and stops calling/visiting and generally spunging off you, then you know that she's only using you for one thing and you wont feel guilty when you announce all is well again and the weddings back on track!!

You can pick from any one of these options (maybe mix and match a little!) but take heed, I will not be held responsible for any actions taken in retaliation at any mistruths/outright lies told by yourself in solving this problem. Personally, i'd go with the 'My fiance fancies you so much your being there might ruin the wedding, and my life' angle! that way, you can still be 'friends' but the chances are she'll visit (spunge) less then as well!!

Good luck with the big day!!

_party_

Fritha_2

Right, I'm in wedding hell myself at the moment but with different issues (my only bridesmaid is two so I'll only sack her if she carries on being so bloody cute!) I checked my book (how to survive your wedding) and it says that if you want to sack her you should sit her down and explain that she needs to start being supportive otherwise she'll be getting off the bus on the first stop before Bridesmaidsville (or words to that effect).

I vote for honesty is the best policy but not too bluntly! Good luck!

suekjw

Turning_into_scrooge wrote:

When i got married years ago someone said to me that there is always one person who will be offended over the arrangements made and to ignore it and get on with the planning and the day as its their problem.

What fantastic advice, and how true!

ailuro2

My ideas.

Ask how much she has saved for her accessories so far, because you thought you could come down to hers for a (freeloading) visit to help pick the dress out for her in the January sales.May as well get it all done at once,etc. and can you bring down the niece/nephew too and can they stay also??

Tell her that you have stopped smoking because you are so skint you couldn't afford to invite everyone on the original wedding list...yes, WE all know it's because your skin will look a lot more radiant on your big day, and that there's nothing worse than seeing a bride with a half smoked cigarette butt in her mouth. but your scrounger mate doesn't!



If all that fails, then don't tell her your hubby to be fancies her, tell her your sister in law has dropped hints that she has a bit of a thing for her, and that since she is the mother of the flower girl and page boy you simply don't want to tempt fate on your big day.You know she will understand. hehe!
Less likely to inspire any ideas in her head about stealing your super-rich fiance.:rolleyes: