📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

How to sack a bridesmaid?

Options
2456717

Comments

  • looby75
    looby75 Posts: 23,387 Forumite
    sportbeth wrote:
    The middle idea would have been perfect but it's my brother's wife so I'm still the bad guy!

    My other half did say though that he strongly suspects that after the wedding I won't see her for dust, also if I tell her in the wrong (or right) way then she will also not be seen for dust and for someone that I only see twice a year and who freeloads regularly that's no huge deal in my opinion as a moneysaver!

    has your hubby to be got a female family member he is close to, that you could use as your excuse? Chances are after she's had her nose put out of joint you won't see her for dust anyway so she will never know it's your SIL who did end up as bridesmaid ;)
  • sportbeth
    sportbeth Posts: 621 Forumite
    jmarko wrote:
    pm me her email address, I'll do it for you! :D

    jmarko

    Yep, I bet that will be really delicately put.

    "dear bridesmaid,

    Sportbeth says you are a freeloading pants mate and you are officially sacked as her bridesmaid!

    Lots of love,

    jmarko"
  • sportbeth
    sportbeth Posts: 621 Forumite
    coolio wrote:
    Say to her 'have you bought your dress yet'. Im sure shell soon back out when she realises she has to pay

    Yeah, thats a thing, isn't it sometimes the norm to pay for your dress as a bridesmaid sometimes? I had to for my brothers wedding. £150 and it's only good for ebay now!

    I haven't discussed that with her yet so maybe I'll just throw that into the conversation
  • sportbeth
    sportbeth Posts: 621 Forumite
    looby75 wrote:
    has your hubby to be got a female family member he is close to, that you could use as your excuse? Chances are after she's had her nose put out of joint you won't see her for dust anyway so she will never know it's your SIL who did end up as bridesmaid ;)

    Ah, cunning
  • Woby_Tide
    Woby_Tide Posts: 5,344 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Mrs Tide worked herself up over something similar before our wedding. She merely rang up and said that it was a cost issue and ever so sorry and sure she'll understand. Then choose whether to send a wedding invite. It's normally no great loss by the sounds of it. If she can't accept your decision about who YOU wnat as bridesmaids at YOUR own wedding then evidently YOU'VE made the right decision. If she says she will pay for all her stuff then maybe you have a dilemma, but it sounds like that won't rear it's head
  • jobbingmusician
    jobbingmusician Posts: 20,347 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    I think you need to sit your friend down and tell her you are upset and that you think she may have got the wrong end of the stick (based on your intended's job title). Explain to her, as you have to us, that the title does NOT mean he is rich, and that your mortgage is crippling you. I can see how easy it would be for her to fantasise that you are in fact rolling in it! If she doesn't understand when you have explained it in words of one syllable then you do indeed need to sack her - maybe saying something like 'I will understand that of course you don't want to officiate at such a low key wedding, and our friendship has had to cool off because of (physical) distance'. Leave her a getout so she can walk away feeling good (even if her conscience is telling her something else, underneath!) Whatever you do, don't back her into a corner so her conscience shouts at her and tells her she HAS to be your bridesmaid, or you'll never get rid of her even if she realises she has to pay for herself!!!!
    Ex board guide. Signature now changed (if you know, you know).
  • kathyd_2
    kathyd_2 Posts: 529 Forumite
    Could you tell her that when you got engaged you were 'caught up' in the excitement of it all. You now realise that you would like your SIL to be your bridesmaid as she has been so helpful with the wedding plans but your budget won't run to an extra bridesmaid. Maybe try and convince your friend she will enjoy the day more as a guest rather than a bridesmaid. Best of luck Beth.
  • lottee
    lottee Posts: 1,389 Forumite
    sportbeth wrote:
    Yeah, thats a thing, isn't it sometimes the norm to pay for your dress as a bridesmaid sometimes? I had to for my brothers wedding. £150 and it's only good for ebay now!

    I haven't discussed that with her yet so maybe I'll just throw that into the conversation

    Either as above, or doesn't the bridesmaid usually pay for everything else apart from the dress?
    Hope someone else done this, as that's what happened at my wedding, and also my sisters!!!
    My mate who was one of my bridesmaids (only had 2 anyway), was a 'little' tight at my wedding. We bought her dress, and all I wanted her to do was pay for her hair, makeup & nails to be done. Well, she ended up doing her own makeup, painting her own nails & a family friend who is a hairdresser done our hair as part of our wedding present (gutted, I wanted my mate to pay !!! lol) I tried to drop a few hints about shoes, but she was havin' none of it!
    At my sisters, she bought our dress, shoes & jewellery. We paid for everything else - make up, hair, hotel, flights to Australia !!!! How tight was she!
    Just remember it's your special day, & don't let anyone cause you any extra stress, worry or money - than you will already have.
    :D I am in the future you know...
    ...9 hours ahead to be exact !:D
  • looby75
    looby75 Posts: 23,387 Forumite
    lottee wrote:
    Either as above, or doesn't the bridesmaid usually pay for everything else apart from the dress?
    Hope someone else done this, as that's what happened at my wedding, and also my sisters!!!
    My mate who was one of my bridesmaids (only had 2 anyway), was a 'little' tight at my wedding. We bought her dress, and all I wanted her to do was pay for her hair, makeup & nails to be done. Well, she ended up doing her own makeup, painting her own nails & a family friend who is a hairdresser done our hair as part of our wedding present (gutted, I wanted my mate to pay !!! lol) I tried to drop a few hints about shoes, but she was havin' none of it!
    At my sisters, she bought our dress, shoes & jewellery. We paid for everything else - make up, hair, hotel, flights to Australia !!!! How tight was she!
    Maybe I'm being tight but why should someone pay to be bridesmaid? If you ask someone to be part of your wedding party surly it's up to you to pay for them?

    That's not saying that as in OP's case the bridesmaid gets to dictate what they want to wear etc, but I don't think a bridesmaid should be expected to pay for your wedding and what YOU want them to wear/look like.

    to me it sounds as though your friend didn't have much money to spare and even tried to help you out by getting a friend to do hair for you all. why was it so important to you that your friend pay:confused:
  • Eels100
    Eels100 Posts: 984 Forumite
    Poor you ... but I did giggle when I read the title of this thread!

    What about telling her you're in a really awkward position because you'd asked your brother's wife to be bridesmaid ages ago (possibly adding a white lie about keeping the family peace or something?) and after some number crunching (and paying for all those nice treats for your freeloading friend... :rolleyes: ) you have had to sadly accept that you can't possibly afford two ... as she's SUCH a special friend you just KNEW she'd be understanding about it. Very unlikely that she's going to spring forward with a wad of cash to contribute, and you can invite her along as a guest. That way she doesn't cost you any more than she already has and if you never see her after the wedding then good riddance. If she takes enough of a huff not to turn up in the first place then even better (can I have her cake?).

    Alternatively, if your gut feeling is that she'll definitely bunk after the big day, then why wear kid gloves? Tell her it like you told it to us - she's been taking the p*ss and been very assumptive about your income and it's ruined your friendship. There's an argument that you're more likely to salvage something of your friendship that way, as she might just realise her misdemeanours. Don't reward any remorse with a big frock and a posh 'do though - definitely keep SIL on board for that!
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 351.1K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 453.6K Spending & Discounts
  • 244.1K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 599K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 177K Life & Family
  • 257.4K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.