How to sack a bridesmaid?

across

i would just ignore her intentions to spend more of your money than necessary and carry on as normal with what is affordable as you are the bride you are in control with the groom of what is spent where then if she doesnt like it well it's tough and no loss to you even if she decides shes not being one anymore because the idea is to be supportive of the bride and not to take over and spoil things you have enough stress organising the wedding she is only a very small piece of the jigsaw who may fancy catching your boquet so she may be a big jigsaw piece one day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(probably not the gold digger!!!)

Lady_E

Unless I have missed it when is the wedding date set for ?

I would be inclined to tell her in a very nice way that sadly due to financial worries you have had to scale down the size of the wedding and that OH has insisted that "less is more" so a bridesamid will have to go .You are sure she will understand as the travelling involved to come for fittings and styling etc etc would be so much for her , and you know how strapped she is for cash since she is now paying rent , as you have the samew problems as you have a mortgage crippling you. If all else fails,tell her that you have found some designs for a bridesmaid dress and you dont think they would do justice to her figure , as as a good friend you would not do that to her. (Hint ....rewatch part 2 of the Vicar of Dibley Xmas run .....lol)

sportbeth

Lady_E wrote:

Unless I have missed it when is the wedding date set for ?

I would be inclined to tell her in a very nice way that sadly due to financial worries you have had to scale down the size of the wedding and that OH has insisted that "less is more" so a bridesamid will have to go .You are sure she will understand as the travelling involved to come for fittings and styling etc etc would be so much for her , and you know how strapped she is for cash since she is now paying rent , as you have the samew problems as you have a mortgage crippling you. If all else fails,tell her that you have found some designs for a bridesmaid dress and you dont think they would do justice to her figure , as as a good friend you would not do that to her. (Hint ....rewatch part 2 of the Vicar of Dibley Xmas run .....lol)

We are off to see two venues tomorrow for the wedding which should be set for End November this year. Hence this is all coming to a head - the number crunching is starting and we still haven't had "That" conversation with the parents yet, but we're not expecting them to input greatly.

Jamz

sportbeth wrote:

We are off to see two venues tomorrow for the wedding which should be set for End November this year. Hence this is all coming to a head - the number crunching is starting and we still haven't had "That" conversation with the parents yet, but we're not expecting them to input greatly.

I can't belive you are expecting them to put anything and i think asking them to is a major cheek.

My partner and i have been saving hard for the last 15 months for our wedding and never mentioned wanting money off anyone, but as it happens my future in laws are actually helping us out with some money now but it's only come about the last month or so and we get married in March.

melancholly

i always thought a bridesmaid should be someone who helped out with a bit of the planning and then dealt with any unexpected stuff on the day so that the bride stays (relatively) stress free! if your 'friend' isn't going to be there in the run up for emotional support at the very least, then you should feel no guilt about not asking her to be the bridesmaid. any chance you send in mutual friends to have a chat with her?

in terms of cost, when OH was an usher i'm not sure whether he paid for his outfit or not, but we paid for accommodation ourselves and all other costs associated us being there on the day. a few friends have paid for their own bridesmaids dresses - one good option is to get a bodice and skirt so that you then have 2 things you can wear to other occasions.

the wedding day is for you two - and someone who is off picking a dress without thinking of whether you'd like it (i know some brides who have had very clear colour scheme ideas!) and assuming that you'll pay any price for it isn't being fair. if my OH ever proposes, we're eloping to avoid it all!!!

milkydrink

Jamz wrote:

I can't belive you are expecting them to put anything and i think asking them to is a major cheek.

My partner and i have been saving hard for the last 15 months for our wedding and never mentioned wanting money off anyone, but as it happens my future in laws are actually helping us out with some money now but it's only come about the last month or so and we get married in March.

I think thats a bit harsh.
When my daughter gets married I would expect to help her out with the wedding to the best of my abilities. Most kids would expect their parents to help as much as they could & most parents would want too.
Nothing cheeky about it.

bluenose1

Well I think it is your big day so it is up to you who to have as Bridesmaid. As others have said the best course of action would be to say to her that you are so sorry but when you have worked out all the costs you just can't afford the expense of having too many bridesmaids and that as you see a lot more of your other bridesmaids you have decided it would be more appropriate if it was them.
ok you are bound to feel dreadful having that conversation with her but I would do it sooner rather than late.
Good luck

Jamz

kimevans wrote:

I think thats a bit harsh.
When my daughter gets married I would expect to help her out with the wedding to the best of my abilities. Most kids would expect their parents to help as much as they could & most parents would want too.
Nothing cheeky about it.

You've got my point there, You as the mom expect to help which is fine and if and when i have kids I will help out too, but does your daughter expect you to help financially?

sportbeth

kimevans wrote:

I think thats a bit harsh.
When my daughter gets married I would expect to help her out with the wedding to the best of my abilities. Most kids would expect their parents to help as much as they could & most parents would want too.
Nothing cheeky about it.

That's what I thought - my dad contributed towards my stepsister's wedding a year ago but I don't know how much and he always joked to me a few years back "don't get married yet, I can't afford it!"

I'm not expecting anything but I think it would be a nice gesture if he paid for my dress.

Traditionally it is the father of the bride's family that pay for everything. I know tradition has worn off now that weddings are so darn expensive

sportbeth

melancholly wrote:

i always thought a bridesmaid should be someone who helped out with a bit of the planning and then dealt with any unexpected stuff on the day so that the bride stays (relatively) stress free! if your 'friend' isn't going to be there in the run up for emotional support at the very least, then you should feel no guilt about not asking her to be the bridesmaid. any chance you send in mutual friends to have a chat with her?

in terms of cost, when OH was an usher i'm not sure whether he paid for his outfit or not, but we paid for accommodation ourselves and all other costs associated us being there on the day. a few friends have paid for their own bridesmaids dresses - one good option is to get a bodice and skirt so that you then have 2 things you can wear to other occasions.

the wedding day is for you two - and someone who is off picking a dress without thinking of whether you'd like it (i know some brides who have had very clear colour scheme ideas!) and assuming that you'll pay any price for it isn't being fair. if my OH ever proposes, we're eloping to avoid it all!!!

My point exactly - I think her impression is that she will turn up, wear the dress and then walk off with it. There has been no mention of helping with anything, although my sis in law is offering to help out with all sorts of stuff as her kids are page boy and bridesmaid too.