How to sack a bridesmaid?

sportbeth

Hello all,

Bit of a dilemna. When I got engaged 18 months ago I instantly recruited my then best mate to be my chief bridesmaid.

Since then she has moved away to London, we see her twice a year (if that) and she has started to take the Mickey a lot with our hospitality when she visits. She gets the impression that my other half is loaded (because he has a good job but our mortgage cripples us!)and turns up empty handed and proceeds to drink us out of house and home and when we arranged to go to dinner a couple of months back she happily ordered everything and then sat and smiled at my OH when the £90 bill came over. (he of course paid the bill)

The straw that broke the camels back on her new found tightness is that on her birthday I sent her a bouquet of flowers to her office. For christmas she gave me what could only be described as a "recycled" gift that she had previously been given in exchange for my well thought out relatively expensive gift. She then proceeded to drink two bottles of wine and had arrived "swinging her arms" as my other friend described it.

Now she has got it into her head that we are having the wedding of the century and has started showing me bespoke dresses that she wants that start at £500. I also get the idea that she is expecting us to pay for her room, shoes, jewellry, haircut, you get the idea.

On thinking about booking the wedding the other night I realised I had been stupid in asking her so early when we never see each other any more and I feel that once the wedding is over we will rarely speak to each other again. I would much rather ask my sister in law as we are genuinely close and see each other once a month and speak on the phone all the time.

I know it shouldn't come down to what you have and your friends don't with friendship but there is a distinct impression there that she will take advantage of the situation and never be heard of ever again and my other half and i agree that the lack of thought or respect for us here is a big issue in when choosing your nearest and dearest to represent us on our big day.

The question is, how do you sack a bridesmaid nicely once you've asked her:o ?

Sooler

eMail her a link to this thread, job done.

dlb

You need to talk to her.
Tell her what dress and plans YOU have in mind, it maybe that you have got the wrong end of the stick so to speak, but if not and she says anything about the plan you tell her about, simply tell her its YOUR DAY and this is how it is going to be done, and if she isnt happy about it then you dont wish her to be part of the day.
If she is a true friend she will want to help you do it your way.

Rachie_B

she sounds like a great "friend" NOT!

cull her now,you dont need selfish spongers like that in your life let alone your wedding !

coolio_2

Say to her 'have you bought your dress yet'. Im sure shell soon back out when she realises she has to pay

looby75

it doesn't sound as though she is much of a friend anyway so I personally wouldn't be that bothered about falling out with her.

Maybe you could email her, tell her that you hubby to be really really wants his sister as bridesmaid and that you can only afford one, you are really sorry to let her down, but knowing what a fantastic friend (cough) she is that you are sure she will understand.

or pick the most hideous bridesmaid dress you can find and tell her that's what she is going to have to wear I'm sure she will soon run a mile

jmarko

pm me her email address, I'll do it for you!

jmarko

Dee123_2

Could you engineer a falling out?

For example, if she is genuinely this tight with her cash, find a really expensive hotel/hairdressers/dress or anything else you think she is expecting you to pay out for and ring her to say "I have found X...it cost £Y....wanted your approval as it's expensive and didnt want to spend your money for you?"

I suspect she'll run a mile.

sportbeth

coolio wrote:

Say to her 'have you bought your dress yet'. Im sure shell soon back out when she realises she has to pay

Ha, ha, ha, ha LMAO!!!

sportbeth

looby75 wrote:

it doesn't sound as though she is much of a friend anyway so I personally wouldn't be that bothered about falling out with her.

Maybe you could email her, tell her that you hubby to be really really wants his sister as bridesmaid and that you can only afford one, you are really sorry to let her down, but knowing what a fantastic friend (cough) she is that you are sure she will understand.

or pick the most hideous bridesmaid dress you can find and tell her that's what she is going to have to wear I'm sure she will soon run a mile

The middle idea would have been perfect but it's my brother's wife so I'm still the bad guy!

My other half did say though that he strongly suspects that after the wedding I won't see her for dust, also if I tell her in the wrong (or right) way then she will also not be seen for dust and for someone that I only see twice a year and who freeloads regularly that's no huge deal in my opinion as a moneysaver!

sportbeth

Rachie_B wrote:

she sounds like a great "friend" NOT!

cull her now,you dont need selfish spongers like that in your life let alone your wedding !

That's the annoying thing. And she really has got it into her head that we are millionaires or something. She's working on the basis of what my OH's title is alone, I've never talked about money at all to her, only about what I earn. I mean, you can be the MD of a company and earn £14k or £100k, all depends on the size of the company! She constantly comes out with "he can afford it". Erm, no, it's we now, and we have just paid through the nose for a house that will take 23 years to pay off! (don't worry, I do correct her on the "he can afford it" comment.)

When I lived on my own she always bought a bottle of wine with her when she came over, that's why it feels obvious now that she is freeloading a bit.