The Matrix - Re-Evolution!!

fantasia322

SunFlower wrote: »

And the rest of you, you are sounding a bit too near to old hags feeling sorry for themselves for my liking: yes, like ain't quite how we would like it for most of us at the minute (me included!), but heads can't turn two ways at once and if they are looking backwards, they sure as hell can't be looking forwards.

.

Well now Sunflower my little chickadee, i aint posted for ages but I read a lot, and gain a lot and still consider myself a member of the Matrix, I stopped posting because it seemed like all I ever posted about was the bad things that were happening in my life, and while I had the support of my Matrix sisters, I didnt want to drag the thread down with my eternal doldrums.

I have to tell you that the statement that I have quoted, even though it was meant in a light-hearted way to gee people up, has failed miserably, and I would advise you to retract it and reword it and apologise profusely to the ladies you have hurt (myself included). Or some swift cyber bahookie kicking will be coming in your direction from me.

How very dare you.
If being 53 makes me a hag, so be it, but I have body piercings, tatoos, and scarlet red hair at the moment. I can still party with the best, I've raised 5 kids, for the most part on my own (they all have the same father in case you wonder), and I think that us 'hags' are entitled to look back fondly on our achievements sometimes. And also to feel a little sorry for ourselves occasionally.

You read us all wrong you know and you have deeply hurt Thrifty and I think Groatie, who are gentle souls, who do nothing but good in their lives, and did nothing to deserve your scorn.

Sort it out woman, cos if Thrify leaves because of what you said, the Matrix will never be the same again.

girlwiththesuninherhead

Hi,

I am re-introducing myself.

I have been a long standing member of the Matrix on this side and t'other.

Unfortunately due to circumstances arising where my anonymity was at threat of being discovered (Blimey - who am I like???!!) I have had to re-register with a completely new identity, to which I am not very happy as you can well image. I had built up a very good reputation from initially registering on MSE during 2005.

So I will make my new identity known on the other side soon.

I have a lot of not too good things happening in my work life at the moment and this is linked to the new identity and also my lack of commitment to my moneysaving ways and keeping up with a few diaries, as well as my own.

So, onwards and upwards.... little baby steps.... keep focussed and in control and away I should go again.

I hope the issues that rose during some previous posts this afternoon sort themselves out. I hate to see people upset (whether in reality or virtually) and I am more than sure this was a complete misunderstanding and no upset was meant.

Anyway enough of these ramblings, it's good to be back. Keep smiling ladies!

girlwiththesuninherhead

robsmum_2

SunFlower wrote: »

And the rest of you, you are sounding a bit too near to old hags feeling sorry for themselves for my liking: yes, like ain't quite how we would like it for most of us at the minute (me included!), but heads can't turn two ways at once and if they are looking backwards, they sure as hell can't be looking forwards.

.

I would also like to say that I felt the above quote, although I belive meant as a flippant jplly along remark - failed miserably and has offended.
This is a fast moving thread, full of support and encouragment, that many people benefit from even though they don't post.

I am deeply saddened that Thrifty felt she had to leave and agree with Groaties post.
I am a 55 year old and have grown in confidence, self belief and general self worth, not to mention saving money, sice discovering these threads and the amazing support and kindness from these people.

groatie_queen

Thank you Fantasia! (great to see you again my friend).

I should add that my sorrow at the H word (hag) is that I don't think it's respectful of ANY woman, not necessarily me. It's revealing of an unconscious attitude towards older women in general that definitely needs reconsideration! I'm trying to think of an equally pejorative term for an older man and I can't think of one.... says it all really.

We ALL have a valid history. Some have family situations like Thrifty's which we can all empathise with, and we can only authentically support each other when people have the courage to reveal more of themselves, and we learn how we've each got to where we are today, and what our unique challenges are. Then the Matrix magic can happen!

robsmum_2

groatie_queen wrote: »

Thank you Fantasia! (great to see you again my friend).

I should add that my sorrow at the H word (hag) is that I don't think it's respectful of ANY woman, not necessarily me. It's revealing of an unconscious attitude towards older women in general that definitely needs reconsideration! I'm trying to think of an equally pejorative term for an older man and I can't think of one.... says it all really.

We ALL have a valid history. Some have family situations like Thrifty's which we can all empathise with, and we can only authentically support each other when people have the courage to reveal more of themselves, and we learn how we've each got to where we are today, and what our unique challenges are. Then the Matrix magic can happen!

That is a brilliant post! The last paragraph sums up The Matrix.

fantasia322

Ditto GQ & Robsmum - totally.

Am deeply saddened by the use of the 'H' word. Its insulting and hurtful, and totally uncalled for. On re-reading Sunflowers post, its seems that we were being 'likened' to Hags, not actually called Hags, but all the same.
On Thrifty's behalf, I demand an apology and a retraction, Sunflower is obviously unaware of all the energy and empathy and support that Thrifty has put into the Matrix.

And, Sunflower it would be helpful if you tried to choose your words more carefully if future.

SunFlower

thriftyscotslass wrote: »

An old hag feeling sorry for myself - gee thanks Sunflower. Let's see:

An adult son diagnosed with Autism who will more than likely never leave home.
No help in any shape or form from anyone leaving me to care for him 24/7, 365 days a year.
Our family income halved with another reduction of 25% looming.
A house that takes 2/3 of our income and that we stand to lose if we can't maintain payments.
An oh whose work has just made yet another fresh round of redundancies with more on the cards.
A daughter who is officially being raised in poverty.
Me on antidepressants trying desperately to keep everything together.

Please forgive me if I am struggling and looking at the past me who could cope and wondering where she has gone.

I have been a member of the matrix for a year and I hope in that time I have provided support and empathy to others, rather than call someone an old hag who feels sorry for themselves. I think it is time for me to leave the Matrix and will let MrF know on the other side.

Thankyou to everyone who has kept me going over the past year, Thriftyxxx

*Picks jaw off floor*

Right, I would like to make it abundantly clear that my comment was not aimed at any particular individual, and were intended to act as a humorous pick-me-up. I seem to have failed miserably at that one, but I seem to remember a while back on the Matrix where we all went from a place of being collectively (not always individually) upbeat and positive – just after it was set up and MG in particular was doing amazing things and setting up her speaking - which, in turn lead all the others who weren’t feeling so upbeat and positive into realising that even though things were tough that we as a group of like-minded people who were able to do things could all do something positive with our lives, whatever stage we were at. And then, for some reason, it all – collectively – went flat for a bit. And I, at least, remember logging on and thinking ‘where did all that positive energy go?’ And there was a bit of a discussion and it picked up again, and it has always, collectively if not individually, been a pretty positive place ever since.

And this morning I log on and read some comments, and then I read a particular comment from one individual who has been and is moving mountains on a daily basis and wrote “Been thinking about us feeling that we have somehow "lost" the person we used to be, how we go from conquering the world to living such little lives.” (and here I *am* name checking you, MG! ), and I though ‘WOAH! Hold the horses! We do not lead little lives. Without exception, we lead big lives in sometimes little circumstances that are just itching for the opportunity to become big again.’ (And if MG in particular leads a ‘little life’, God help the majority of the rest of us – me included!)

Which is where I made my comment. Firstly, the hag image was meant to be funny – a world-weary old lady (with knitting needles a-bobbin’ in my image) is an attitude rather an age issue: I have had the pleasure of knowing many a young-minded older people, and a few scarily old-minded young people. From what I’ve seen age is a mental issue as much as, if not more than, a physical one in some cases, and while I can understand that when times are tough it is tempting for us all to look back to times when any or all us of felt more capable dealing with them or when we were younger and would have had more energy or any other reason why it would have been easier, we *will* find a way of coping with our circumstances, however challenging (and don’t think I have been granted some special grace meaning that I haven’t seen some of the tougher side of life in my time).

We are not hags, and I hope that we will never become hags: we collectively think positive whatever our age. We will not shrivel and become jaded easily, even in our 90s (when we get there), but when we start looking back to ‘the people we were’, it’s the start of a slippery – although understandable – slope that could lead to us all going ‘flat’ again, which was what I was trying to ward against.

I still 100% stand by what I said about heads not being able to look in two directions at once. We have always collectively looked to the future and the positive, however hard it has been, and it would be a pity to stop now. At some point we were all thinner/prettier/younger/more full of energy, but we will take what we’ve got now and use it to devastating effect, even if we can't at this exact moment in time, but just by being around other positive people, it will help us to do so in the (hopefully near) future. Cos that’s what The Matrix does.

I think from the rest it is pretty much evident that I was trying to be jovially chivvysome (in a good way), although it evidently has not come across in that way.

I hope that has cleared things up.

And Thrifty? Your ‘I’? You never lost her. We never lost them. She is still there fighting for you. They are still there, fighting for us. Sometimes our ‘I’s just get covered up with life circumstances and much like the sun behind a cloud, are waiting for the chance to shine again. If you managed to do all this (and here I am quoting you ‘I fearlessly left home at 18 and never looked back. I had a ferocious social conscience and acted with conviction on my beliefs. I travelled throughout Europe. I leapt into getting married, having a baby and buying a house without a thought to the future because it was what I wanted. I started 3 self-employed businesses because I wanted to be at home with my baby. I retrained at 40 in a profession I loved for my forever career. I took my family not once but twice across the atlantic to America.’) then you will get through your horrible circumstances (and they really are pretty damn horrible). We will help. But don’t ever think I was having a go at you, because that was the last thing on my mind.

freshair_2

I lurk a lot as many of you have probably noticed, the support is generally fantastic towards and between each other. Please don't let one minor mishap in communication have a detrimental effect on either the thread or anyone of you as an individual.

Everyone is here to achieve their end goal be this finacial, ergonomic or any other, some may take different routes but everyone will end up there eventually. Everyone lives their lives differently and we should not judge, but accept. Everyone has flaws nobody is perfect, and mistakes can happen, miscommunication is a mistake, and while i do not agree with the wording I personally think that it should be a miscommunication.

Sorry if that is not clear, not having a great day myself so finding it difficult to express myself without being too personal.

This may no longer be relevant as crossed posted.

fantasia322

Lets hope that Thrifty comes back to read that Sunflower, sometimes when people get to feeling really low though, it just takes something unintentional and off the cuff to push them. I can only ask again that you chose your words a little carefully sometimes. Its often hard on an open forum to interpret the written word, there is no facial expression to see, or body language to read. IYSWIM,.
Am now going to stop my excessively active fingers from commenting on the subject, as far as I am concerned it is closed.

thriftyscotslass

Firstly, I would like to apologise to MG for all the upset and furore that I have caused on her thread and within the Matrix.

Secondly, I would like to thank all you lovely, lovely people for all your support and Sunflower for her reply.

The Matrix is a wonderful place and it has been so good for me - I have learnt to find the positive in each day - the teeniest, weeniest positive is always there if you look hard enough. It has been humbling to see what other folks are dealing with on a daily basis and empowering to realise that you are not on your own. So thank you to MG for hosting this marvellous place and to Mr & Mrs FW for the other side.

However, I would like to add that as we know things are rough in the real world - very, very rough. Dh has just arrived home to say that a third of his company have been made redundant - he still has a job until the next round at the end of February next year. Bearing in mind that if he is made redundant this will be the fourth time that it has happened to him in his 25 year working career (I have also been made redundant when I was younger) so we are old hands at this and we know how it pans out - the stress, strain, anxiety, anger, fear, debt so on and so forth.

The point I am trying to make (although not very well) is this - we, like other people out here are sinking, we are at breaking point as a family and when you are in this position it is not helpful to be told that you are moaning and feeling sorry for yourself especially when you are hanging on by your fingernails trying to cope. So please, please, even if you have the best intentions in the world, think before you type.

I do not want to leave the Matrix in a flounce but it is certainly the right time for me to take a back seat when throwaway comments push me over the edge. I will keep reading along so that I don't lose touch. Thankyou once again, Thriftyxxx