The Matrix - Re-Evolution!!

SunFlower

Woo hoo! Won posh ergonomic stool for just under £15 instead of between £50 - £60!

Sometimes you gotta love Ebay!

clairewop

Good Morning

Am I the first one in today?

Dh sorted the toys in ds2 bedroom yesterday and the boxes under his bed. so we now have a wheelie bin crammed full with rubbish, more bags of rubbish in the front garden to get rid off, and 2 bags of board games to donate to the primary school that both boys went to for their xmas fair. Ds2 now has to sort his clothes out then we are sorted, then its ds1 room

I'm feeling very strange this morning, cannot put my finger on it, got like butterflies in my tummy and feeling quite panicky and shakey plus I still have a croaky voice that has turned into a cough through the night.

Never mind got to get on with it, so Dw been empties and supper dishes put in, TD emptied, clothes folded then refilled with clothes I put in WM before I went to bed, WM refilled, allthough not sure if I can sort that lot before I go up mums as the ones I put on rads last night are still wet.

Have to go up mums this morning to get her money out, as she has got visitors coming tomorrow and her leg is bad.

Memory_Girl

Been thinking about us feeling that we have somehow "lost" the person we used to be, how we go from conquering the world to living such little lives.

So I am spending today alternately reading some letters that were left to me after a dear friend died of HIV ( I received these letters ten years after his death) and building a future by cracking on with DS2's room.

I used to build sets that toured the world - now I am battling to build a room.
I used to go all over the world as a recognised expert and world champion - I go no-where at all now
I used to write books - and that is a number one dream for so many
I used to stand up and speak in front of huge groups - now I hide in my office.

What I need is a baby-steps programme that helps me find my "bravery Button" again .......... these should be the times of my life.

Off to ponder some more

MG

greenbee

On a related topic MG did you get the email I sent you a couple of weeks ago?

clairewop

Oh well another load of washing in machine, 1 load left to do now then I'm back up to date, the only thing when the boys rooms get cleaned properly I end up with a huge load of washing

Still cannot quite put my finger on why I'm feeling so strange might be cause I don't know what is happening with my mate and until I get told what is happening, I cannot do anything about it and am in limbo. Plus knowing I may have lost quite a bit of money, that could have gone on more useful stuff if I had known, plus being left with a lot of debt

groatie_queen

But when you did those things MG you weren't a single Mum and right now you have two beautiful boys you're giving a warm and loving childhood to

I have no doubt whatsoever that when the time is right, your life will take off in different directions again, but at present the love and devotion and values you're giving your boys is building their future lives. And what a great investment it is!

thriftyscotslass

Very, very interesting posts on "who we used to be". This has been playing ever such a lot on my mind just over the past week - here's a few of mine:

I fearlessly left home at 18 and never looked back.
I had a ferocious social conscience and acted with conviction on my beliefs.
I travelled throughout Europe.
I leapt into getting married, having a baby and buying a house without a thought to the future because it was what I wanted.
I started 3 self-employed businesses because I wanted to be at home with my baby.
I retrained at 40 in a profession I loved for my forever career.
I took my family not once but twice across the atlantic to America.

I did all these, I was the driving force that made them all happen, me not dh. So !!!!!! has happened, where has this fearless person gone, how has she become so ground down. The only answer I can come up with is that when ds was diagnosed I needed (and still need if truth be told) help but none was / is forthcoming, not from family, friends, state or charity and believe me, I have exhausted every possible available avenue. I keep trying to tap into the person I once was but she no longer seems to exist, I just need to find her again.

groatie_queen

Joni Mitchell had a great song about the fleetingness of youth and making the most of our time here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJZggGqLEd4

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/joni+mitchell/the+circle+game_20075378.html

greenbee

OH is driving me mad today. I have my pre-op assessment and need to decide on what treatment options I'd prefer for the different possible scenarios so they can deal with whatever they find. His answer to everything is "I want what's best for you." Which is really NOT helpful... And even if it is ultimately my choice, it would help me to talk to someone about them.

So if the problem is still there do I:

A. Give the aggressive treatment another go?
B. Opt for a hormonal coil (mirena) which is less aggressive?

If the problem is worse do I:

A. Have the whole lot taken out?
B. Have the aggressive treatment again and hope it works?

If the problem has gone do I:

A. Opt for a mirena to ensure it stays controlled?
B. Opt for attempting to control it through diet and exercise (this will be hard... And I will need to keep up the revolting shakes, although right now they are all I'm eating, so have their uses!)
C. Opt to for help with starting my cycle and hope that OH his act together and try to get pregnant?

And if he says he wants what's best for me, I'm pretty sure the
consultant reckons it's the last option :cool:

I really nned to think hard about this, and also work out whether there are any questions that I need to ask the consultant during the appointment, as next time I see him I'll be unconscious...

Memory_Girl

Greenbee - time for a walk, I find a long walk in the fresh air helps me find out what it is I want.

But ................... if you think that having a family will be important to you, then that is the deal breaker. Can I confess that I took a "risk" with DS2 that his Dad would head for the hills (and he did) - but I KNEW I would be OK on my own with my boys and those that know us as a family would agree. It was pants that he quit on us - but I do not regret my boys for a single minute. They are my joy, my strength and my inspiration.

Its never the RIGHT time - but in hindsight it was the PERFECT time IYSWIM?

So look into your heart - what is it that's sitting in a quiet corner in there?

MG