The Matrix - Re-Evolution!!

thriftyscotslass

Hey MG. Mentors & Matrix

Here is one for you..... What is the purpose of denial? Why do we deny?

So far I have come up with:
To avoid pain - this seems to me to be the first, the simplest and most obvious reason.

That's not the whole story tho', it's more complicated so I have also come up with:
To avoid accepting a reality that you don't want
or:
To keep you in a certain place until you are strong enough to deal with an unwanted reality

But still that's not the whole story for I have found that you swing back and forth between denial and acceptance - why do we do that?

I think I have accepted my unwanted reality but if I am not careful denial will weave it's magic taking me back again to a more wanted reality which is not good because then you have to face the head / heart pain of loss again.

I am hoping that someone will have experience of what I am wittering on about and may be able to advise, Thriftyxxx

Alisonpennypincher

thriftyscotslass wrote: »

But still that's not the whole story for I have found that you swing back and forth between denial and acceptance - why do we do that?

I find that when i do this it is because i am trying to convince myself that the "reality" may not be that bad after all, but then the other side of me says "yes it will be that bad" and then i go back and forth between the two.....can you tell i talk to myself quite often!:rotfl:

Memory_Girl

B****y Hell Thrifty - its Friday night!!:rotfl:

And FW is on her holibobs

And you raise the tough questions.

I think its a protection mechanism a bit too. But I understand the wavering. Hiding your head in the sand and not accepting your reality can stray into delusional, but sometimes that's where we need to party.

What you need is good friends who will either gently steer you on track again - or be stronger about pointing it out if its needed, otherwise I find I get stuck in the "I don't want it. I'm not having it,it's not happening to me" way of dealing with stuff - only its not really dealing with stuff is it?

I do know that if something is raising these kind of questions in your life then it is something you need to pay attention to because its important. Its VERY important.

MG

greenbee

Thrifty - this might help

http://www.changecycle.com/changecycle.htm

Great to see you back Dusty. Glad you had fun.

Picked up my prescription today, and get my pills tomorrow. My GP is concerned about how I'm going to cope with the pills , but as I said to her, what choice do I have? I'm scared though. I know the worst case has been ruled out, but I know this is going to be tough.

I'm also very grubby after a week with no bathroom however, the bath is now functional, even if the loo, basin, shower, towel rail, plastering, cabinet, mirror etc still need to be fitted. I suppose I should go and give the bath, and then myself, a clean!

groatie_queen

Enjoy christening your new bath, Greenbee! My mother had a new bath installed when we were kids, and we all celebrated the new bath, only to find the plumber had forgotten to connect the waste pipe and unbenkown to us several bathfuls of water emptied into the larder which was directly underneath! I hope your plumber has been a bit more connected up, so to speak!

Belated Happy Birthday to MG's DS1

I had to switch the light on to type this - daylight is beginning to shorten again - I enjoy the changing of the seasons, and this week bought yarn to knit small Christmas presents - sorry to mention that word but I have a few people to knit for and will need all my time! :rotfl::rotfl:

Also with C in mind, I bought reduced price olive oil a few months ago and also found organic coconut oil reduced to a bargainous 49p a jar. I've cashed in long-saved Sainsb points for a stick blender. Now all I need is a few other ingredients and I'll be able to get cracking to make soap. As a soap rookie I'm a wee bittie nervous but also quite excited at the creativity and practicality of it. Can anyone reassure me it is easy to do?! If I can find some cheap loofahs I quite fancy making soap-filled loofah chunks. Paired with a knitted soft cotton facecloth, wrapped in florist's cellophane with a snazzy bow, would be good.

Like MG I'm looking to simplify and save wherever I can, and so this year's gifts will all be home-made and simple - something knitted/something foodie/something soapy. Once I've established the tradition, I can just keep going from one Christmas to the next - oh it's Groatie's soap/face cloth/scarf/biscotti :rotfl::rotfl:.

If anyone's interested, there's a great version of a Christmas chutney which is no-cook. Saves on electricity/gas, and means little people can help with making it. If you would like the recipe just holler. It needs a few weeks/months to mature.

Dustykitten

Thrifty with grief I found that the brain is very clever at only allowing you to deal with what you can at anyone stage. It sort of chunks up the reality so that consciously you know what has happened but to allow you to function parts of your brain seem oblivious to the enormity of the situation. Does that make sense at all? So the question is are you choosing to be in denial or is your brain protecting you somehow?

Greenbee a moth question. Do you think I should get somebody in to do something chemical? With a fair size house and so many beds/curtains/wardrobes etc the thought of hot washing/freezing everything is so daunting and will take a good while, what if I miss something will the whole thing have been a waste of time?

Just checked our latest gas/electric bill and we are just about even in terms of payments which will put us in a good position when we need to switch before the 1st of Novemeber.

thriftyscotslass

Welcome back to Dustykitten - glad you had a good holiday.

Greenbee - (((hugs))). Remember, we will all be here to support you, you are a strong lassie and will get through this

Memory_Girl wrote: »

B****y Hell Thrifty - its Friday night!!:rotfl:

And FW is on her holibobs

And you raise the tough questions.

I think its a protection mechanism a bit too. But I understand the wavering. Hiding your head in the sand and not accepting your reality can stray into delusional, but sometimes that's where we need to party.

What you need is good friends who will either gently steer you on track again - or be stronger about pointing it out if its needed, otherwise I find I get stuck in the "I don't want it. I'm not having it,it's not happening to me" way of dealing with stuff - only its not really dealing with stuff is it?

I do know that if something is raising these kind of questions in your life then it is something you need to pay attention to because its important. Its VERY important.

MG

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:It's the pint of Friday night cider that's loosening up the brain cells don't you know :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It's nothing new, what it is, is that I was going through ds's disability living allowance form today - 3rd time of doing it. Only this time I was "really" seeing clearly for the first time what I was writing and fully taking ownership of it. It's only taken 2 1/2 years to get to the point where I am starting to accept the loss / integrate the change... which in turn got me to musing... that's one h*ll of a long period of denial / protective mechanism - so what was its purpose.

Okay - going to stop there as dh has poured me another cider :eek: and I will stop being coherent soon

Eta: DK I think it's definitely been my brain protecting me which is why it kind of took me by surprise today. I was able (perhaps for the first time) to look at ds's DLA and think oh my f***ing god, this is serious, it's real and it's happening to you but... I didn't fall apart, I didn't deny it and it didn't hurt, just a sense of pure amazement which I guess shows I'm okay to accept it now iykwim.

clairewop

Good evening

I have been spoilt today I have had 4 yes 4!! new dresses biugh me :eek:

http://www.janenorman.co.uk/fcp/product/buy-fashion-look-fabulous/Sale/floral-print-prom-dress/11789

the other ones I cannot find

MrsMoo2U

thriftyscotslass wrote: »

Hey MG. Mentors & Matrix

Here is one for you..... What is the purpose of denial? Why do we deny?

So far I have come up with:
To avoid pain - this seems to me to be the first, the simplest and most obvious reason.

That's not the whole story tho', it's more complicated so I have also come up with:
To avoid accepting a reality that you don't want
or:
To keep you in a certain place until you are strong enough to deal with an unwanted reality

But still that's not the whole story for I have found that you swing back and forth between denial and acceptance - why do we do that?

I think I have accepted my unwanted reality but if I am not careful denial will weave it's magic taking me back again to a more wanted reality which is not good because then you have to face the head / heart pain of loss again.

I am hoping that someone will have experience of what I am wittering on about and may be able to advise, Thriftyxxx

Ooo, just back home from a lovely day out after a bit of a melt down this morning. This is something for me to ponder and come back to. I like Greenbees link regarding the change cycle. I have an exercise that I refer to when implementing change in work which is Kubler Ross change curve although personal changes for me can be very different reactions. http://www.exeter.ac.uk/media/universityofexeter/humanresources/documents/learningdevelopment/the_change_curve.pdf

All I will say is that twice in my life I have remained in denial until such time I had enough strength to face up to the reality and deal with it. Sometimes it is not denial that you are in, it is acceptance but with a hold off clause attached if you understand what I am trying to say

greenbee

GQ - they tested the waste pipe several time while they were here, so hopefully it is still working!

Dustykitten wrote: »

Greenbee a moth question. Do you think I should get somebody in to do something chemical? With a fair size house and so many beds/curtains/wardrobes etc the thought of hot washing/freezing everything is so daunting and will take a good while, what if I miss something will the whole thing have been a waste of time?.

I could have sent you my mother... She will hunt them down and destroy them I'd avoid the chemicals if you can as they are noxious. Do you think you have them everywhere? It might be worth getting pest control out to look and see where the problem is. Do some online research too. My parents house is full of pheromone traps which she gets from someone who supplies them to museums and places like the V&A that have valuable historic costumes.

thriftyscotslass wrote: »

Greenbee - (((hugs))). Remember, we will all be here to support you, you are a strong lassie and will get through this





:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:It's the pint of Friday night cider that's loosening up the brain cells don't you know :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Thanks Thrifty... Is that a freudian slip or a deliberate mistake

clairewop wrote: »

Good evening

I have been spoilt today I have had 4 yes 4!! new dresses biugh me :eek:

http://www.janenorman.co.uk/fcp/product/buy-fashion-look-fabulous/Sale/floral-print-prom-dress/11789

the other ones I cannot find

lucky you. I LOVE that one