daughter traumatised after op

RazWaz

Nicki wrote: »

I don't. I think you and particularly Meritaten are being deeply unpleasant and judgmental to a mum who has been through a terribly traumatic experience.

The fact of the matter is that OP's child suffered a medical emergency which had to be treated immediately otherwise her child could have died and her child had to be kept still to do so. One way or another she had got to be pinned down. Now this could either have been done by complete strangers, or with the aid of the two people she loves most in the world who were no doubt talking to her and reassuring her at the same time. Either way it was going to be distressing for the child but less so if there was someone familiar there.

I've had to help restrain my DD who has learning difficulties more times than I can count for medical procedures, even if just to enable them to put the needle in to sedate her before they do something more invasive. I don't like doing it, find it upsetting, but its better than an stranger doing it, and she NEEDS to have the medical procedures for her own well being. Sometimes being a parent is hard, and more so if a grown adult still bears a grudge for you doing something for their own benefit.

:T :T:T to OP. You probably saved your daughter's life. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about that in the slightest. I can completely understand it was traumatic in the extreme. Have you got a RL friend you could unload on? I am sure your DD will feel better in a few days, and it sounds like she is well on the way already. Don't forget that one of the side effects of a general anaesthetic on a small child is to make them weepy and clingy for a few days afterwards.

I wasn't trying to make anyone feel bad, I was just explaining how a similar situation affected me and why it did, so she will be able to understand her daughter and fix things.

If a child feels their trust in their parents is gone, the parents need to know that, or how can they ever rebuild that trust. Hugs and sympathy have their place, but there is no point hiding the truth when doing so could simply cause more damage.

The reason it took me a long time to forgive my mother was that when I asked her why she let it happen, she told me I was being silly. For a long time I was scared to be seen as acting silly, as I thought it was some sort of punishment, and it changed me from being a quite outgoing child to a very very withdrawn quiet one. If the OP knows this is how the child could be feeling, she can talk things through now and let the child know that it wasn't their fault.

savingmummy

euronorris wrote: »

I'm not sure how much you have explained to her already, but maybe it is the whole 'cleaning' thing which is confusing her (as we don't usually have mental instruments stuck in our mouths for that).

So, I think having a hygeine visit at the dentist, for her to see you do it, might be reassuring. But maybe wait a while first, and don't make it a thing about her, just say you have to have a checkup and as you're looking after her that day, she has to come with you.

Also, IF she asks about it again, maybe just expand on the cleaning thing and say it was a little it tough for the doctor, so he had to use a special instrument to do it.

Very good point! The dr was telling her he had to remove blood that was making her poorly and she was freaked out by that. So much so her jaws locked and she refused to open her mouth so i used the word `clean` instead of `remove` and didnt mention the blood - spur of the moment thing couldnt think of anything else LOL!

She hasnt asked anymore and has been very bright and bubbly today.
I will definately be going to the dentist with her and will arrange for me to be checked prior to her (i`m not due for a check but will do it anyway).

savingmummy

Nicki thank you
I feel fine myself, I probably wont forget it in a hurry but i don`t feel bad now as i know it had to happen.
IF anything i`m maybe annoyed i wasn`t strong or may have upset her more by being an emotion wreck!

I had a good chat afterwards with the nurse and the ward sister. My mum was also called and i uploaded on her and i do feel fine.
Just was so shocked when DD said she thought they had removed her tonsils - poor lass must of been petrified.
It could well be the GA has made her a bit confused, and she is still suffering side effects from it.

Razwaz - i totally see where your coming from and agree she may well of been thinking how on earth could mummy and daddy have let them do that!!
I have told her that we were with her when they `cleaned` her throat because it had to be done to make her better, she seems happy with the explanation.

Molly41

Really pleased that things are more settled now. What a difference a day makes and kids are just so resilient. It took me weeks to get over having my tonsils removed. Just a comment that a GA would have been difficult and dangerous to administer as your child had been eating and drinking so it really does sound like this was the only option.

polkadot

My DS1 fell in the bath when he was about 13 months old and cracked a tooth-his only one.Did A&E and told not to worry,being a baby one it would fall out and all was well.

A year later and about 5 stays in peads with varioius tummy bugs and issues (that caused huge eating traumas too) a nurse noticed the tooth and asked about it.She got someone in to look and we discovered the crack had gone to the root and each time he was eating stuff was getting stuck-he had a huge abcess at the root so they needed to yank it...but they dont put them to sleep at that age unless for emergencies.

He was given a medication that tthey said would "cause amnesia after the fact" and it took about 45 minutes from start to finish.He does remember being in the hospital and being scared but not why-so we have always told him the truth about it.At 5,his tooth has not yet grown back-and none of his other babies have fallen out...but everytime someone notices and asks him about it he relates the story as if it happened yesterday and loves all the clucks of "WOW!What a brave boy you are!"

viktory

meritaten wrote: »

DONT lie to her - explain what happened as simply as you can. then go back to gp and demand counselling for her! I had an experience after giving birth where I was awake and aware for what should have been a surgical procedure. I understand where your daughter is coming from............its terrifying - and your DH shouldnt have been part of it - sorry, but your daughter may remember him as part of that and thats what is causing the problems. Your daughter needs specialist counselling I think - and the hospital needs a kick up the arris! that shouldnt have happened!

What an utterly, utterly ridiculous post. Talk about scaremongering! Sometimes, things happen in a hospital that are beyond the surgeons control. This was clearly one of those occasions. It happened, they dealt with it. And what is all that bollox about the OP's husband not being part of it?? He went with his child while she had an anesthetic! Was the child supposed to be completely alone?? Have you completely taken leave of your senses??


Counselling indeed!

savingmummy

polkadot wrote: »

My DS1 fell in the bath when he was about 13 months old and cracked a tooth-his only one.Did A&E and told not to worry,being a baby one it would fall out and all was well.

A year later and about 5 stays in peads with varioius tummy bugs and issues (that caused huge eating traumas too) a nurse noticed the tooth and asked about it.She got someone in to look and we discovered the crack had gone to the root and each time he was eating stuff was getting stuck-he had a huge abcess at the root so they needed to yank it...but they dont put them to sleep at that age unless for emergencies.

He was given a medication that tthey said would "cause amnesia after the fact" and it took about 45 minutes from start to finish.He does remember being in the hospital and being scared but not why-so we have always told him the truth about it.At 5,his tooth has not yet grown back-and none of his other babies have fallen out...but everytime someone notices and asks him about it he relates the story as if it happened yesterday and loves all the clucks of "WOW!What a brave boy you are!"

:eek:Poor mite
Lovely to hear that although he remembers bits it hasn`t effected him! How brave indeed.

savingmummy

Just to update - DD is now letting us look at her `magic plaster`:T

First time ever she has opened her mouth! She has been brushing her teeth with her mouth sealed as shut as she could

LadyMorticia

Poor thing. When I was in hospital two years ago when I had a Quinsy, the doctor wanted to drain it with a needle which really freaked me out and traumatised me. I managed to persuade the doctor to wait 24 hours and luckily the antibiotics kicked in. What made it hard was that my throat was so swollen that I literally couldn't open my mouth but the pressure I was under and seeing this needle coming towards me was horrible. I'm 24 and that traumatised me so I can only imagine how hard it must be for a 5 year old.

I know that your DD had a different procedure but it's still in a similar realm of things.

patchwork_cat

Reading through this I was thinking they should have sedated her and then Jesswithwings came and said exactly what I was thinking.