daughter traumatised after op

meritaten

I am saying that her DAD shouldnt have held her down - every pediatric nurse, doctor etc knows to get the parents out of the way and NOT to involved them in any procedure! Because the child remembers that Mum or Dad held them down and LET people hurt them! you have to realise that a child sees things very simply - If Mum or Dad let people hurt them then the child will remember that. and by what the OP says this child had a horrendous experience! you cant dismiss it with 'oh in a few days/weeks the kid wont remember.......she will! I can remember being in hospital at 18 months and getting injections - my mum confirms this, I can also remember some staff and doctors as I was there until I was two and half. I also remember the journey home. I can remember taking tablets which were like Maltesers and mum says I only took them until I was three - so dont underestimate childrens memories!

KiKi

savingmummy wrote: »

Thank you
At the time i was angry and petrified, was thinking it was all wrong, but now i totally understand it had to happen and quickly!!

I would have thought it really did have to be quick. Obviously I don't know the details of what happened, but when clots get into the blood stream they can kill - in minutes. If they're in the blood stream then it's surgery. But if that can be avoided it should.

Because General Anaesthetics are so common these days, we tend to think they're safe. They're actually not as safe as most people would probably like to believe - esp on the young and elderly. Her doctors may have had concerns from the op itself, seeing how she reacted and how she came round. They would have needed an anaesthetist *immediately*, the meds drawn up, the theatre to do it in and then the prep time. I imagine, from what you say, there was certainly no time for all that.

It's horrid for your daughter, and what she experienced - but their quick diagnosis and action probably did save her life, or saved her from some worse complications.

I think distraction is best and lots of reassurance i will keep at it!!
Being tired and worried dont help me i`m probably over reacting as it is very early days just so worried she will never believe me.

I have to say i am a very proud mummy and she knows i am.

Well, she might never believe you until she's old enough to understand! To this day, my eldest goddaughter (who is 7) believes I sent a dinosaur into her bedroom when I was babysitting her one evening. She refuses to believe anything else. I'm sure once she hits 11/12 she'll probably realise that I didn't just order up a brontosaurus.

The main thing is that your DD doesn't see your distress - just keep at it with the love and distraction. If she doesn't settle, or seems to be having some significant reactions (she may have some bad dreams for a bit, too), then perhaps call your GP, but I'd leave it a week or so. Being in hospital is scary enough for some 5 year olds.

I hope Minnie Mouse is better too!
KiKi

savingmummy

lolseh wrote: »

Does she ask you questions about it or do you bring it up with her? I was awake during something I shouldn't have been and I still remember everything, the pain etc and it's put me off going into hospital for surgery or anything but I found not talking about it easier. People kept asking me about it and brining it up so I kept having to relive it. I know not talking about it and trying to deal with it yourself might not work for a 5 year old. Apart from that I would just keep trying to keep her cheered up and take her mind off of it.

I was asking her what was wrong and she said about the dr taking her tonsils out and she was awake and i said no you were asleep!!
I tried explaining to her she was awake when he cleaned her mouth but she said no he took my tonsils out - probably because he had instrument in her mouth she assumed he was removing her tonsils

I have not brought it up it was her who told me when asked why she was so sad - i was ruling out pain etc.

MUST ADD - she was awake the second time so it wasn`t a failed anasethetic! BUT they didnt operate as she thinks!

gunsandbanjos

meritaten wrote: »

I am saying that her DAD shouldnt have held her down - every pediatric nurse, doctor etc knows to get the parents out of the way and NOT to involved them in any procedure! Because the child remembers that Mum or Dad held them down and LET people hurt them! you have to realise that a child sees things very simply -

Sorry missed that in the OP, thought you meant he shouldnt have been in the anaesthetic room!

I've held DD down when she was younger for a few things, sometimes needs must, and while not ideal if the issue is time critical and docs dont have enough hands on deck sometimes parents need to step up.

gunsandbanjos

savingmummy wrote: »

Your right 100% i`m totally useless i admit that.
I have certainly learnt a lesson from being a panicky OTT mum, sating that i was fine untilk the complication occured as was she

My DS is going in soon for a tonsilectomy so i will need to shape up for round 2!!
I admire you and others who have poorly children having major surgery.
Hope all goes well with your DD in 2 weeks time - speedy recovery too!!

No, you are most certainly not useless. It is a very stressful situation to be in and you dont know how you will react until presented with it. But now the most stressful bit is done you need to control yourself and present calm, relaxed mummy to your DD. Even if you dont feel it! Good luck to your DS.

Thanks for the good wishes for DD, she is a little trooper:)

KiKi

meritaten wrote: »

I am saying that her DAD shouldnt have held her down - every pediatric nurse, doctor etc knows to get the parents out of the way and NOT to involved them in any procedure! Because the child remembers that Mum or Dad held them down and LET people hurt them! you have to realise that a child sees things very simply - If Mum or Dad let people hurt them then the child will remember that. and by what the OP says this child had a horrendous experience! you cant dismiss it with 'oh in a few days/weeks the kid wont remember.......she will! I can remember being in hospital at 18 months and getting injections - my mum confirms this, I can also remember some staff and doctors as I was there until I was two and half. I also remember the journey home. I can remember taking tablets which were like Maltesers and mum says I only took them until I was three - so dont underestimate childrens memories!

I agree that kids do see things simply - very black and white, bless 'em! And I'm sorry about your experience, it sounds nasty.

All I would add is that not all children react the same, though (obviously), so whilst of course it's not always a case of "she'll forget it", I think it's one of those things that mum and dad have to monitor and make a decision on. Hopefully, even if she remembers, she'll be okay with it, and there won't be any long-term effects. It sounds like you were in hospital for quite a long time, whereas at least the OP's DD was only in for a quick procedure. Hopefully she'll feel better soon.

KiKi

snugglepet20

I would go back to the hospital and ask for a full and detailed explanation of what happened. Then I would fully explain it to your daughter in language she understands. By explaining what happened and acknowledging it was traumatic your daughter will understand it was an unusual experience and be able to move on. Right now she probably feels that she has been lied to which is not good and allowing her to understand that what happened was a complication and express how she felt will allow her to move on. Producing gifts etc may seem like you are denying or minimising her pain in spite of your good intentions. Good luck, I hope she feels better soon.

Shepherd1

So sorry for what your little girl has gone through but please do not feel guilty at your involvement. My husband and I had to hold our daughter down for a procedure and while it was the most horrendous thing I have ever done I was glad we were there for her. I can't imagine anything worse for a child than to be all alone when something like that is happening, as long as you explain why you had to do it.

Best of luck to you all and a speedy recovery for your daughter.

savingmummy

snugglepet20 wrote: »

I would go back to the hospital and ask for a full and detailed explanation of what happened. Then I would fully explain it to your daughter in language she understands. By explaining what happened and acknowledging it was traumatic your daughter will understand it was an unusual experience and be able to move on. Right now she probably feels that she has been lied to which is not good and allowing her to understand that what happened was a complication and express how she felt will allow her to move on. Producing gifts etc may seem like you are denying or minimising her pain in spite of your good intentions. Good luck, I hope she feels better soon.

The consultant and anaesthetist both came round after and explained in full. The risk was as low as 1% and was actually explained befrore the op and in pre admission last week.

As for the gifts these were given as a `you`ve been a brave girl/get well soon` gift prior to this happening i had given them to her once she had the initial operation and was recovering on the ward.

Ames

Is she more upset about what happened, or because she thinks you 'lied' to her about being put to sleep for the op and that it didn't go how she'd expected it to?