daughter traumatised after op

snookey

Hi Id ask for a meeting with those involved and ask them to explain to your little girl why they did this. Children dont forget and should be treated to the same respect thats afforded to adults. Women who go through traumatic childbirth can see a midwife who will go through her notes with her so those involved in your daughters case should offer this to your daughter.

puddy

theres a combination of stuff happening here

she is naturally distressed at the second procedure
she is picking up of your distress, you sound like you find it difficult to deal with stuff like this so she doesnt feel reassured when you worry
she feels that someone promised her she would be asleep and thinks that she wasnt
she is struggling to process all of the information, emotion, physical pain and discomfort she has experienced

so in the light of all that, its entirely natural she should be upset, confused, grumpy etc etc

please dont medicalise her distress, its a natural thing she needs to go through to process her feelings and come to believe what you are saying

you just need to keep on telling her what you already have. you havent done anything wrong, but it will take more than a few days. answer her questions fully, dont become impatient or upset.

but i would say you need to focus on staying calm in uncertain and anxious situations (easier said than done) because she'll have more scrapes than this in her life and she needs to see you as her comfort and protector. if you're too anxious and needy yourself, she will feel unsupported

marywooyeah

this does sound very traumatic, your daughter is asking/talking a lot about it cos its very recent so she's probably going round an round in her mind over it - sounds like it was horrible for you too I'm sorry you both had to go through that.

I would encourage talking about it so she can "get it out", keep explaining that they "cleaned" her throat as you are already doing and she hopefully should come round to that soon if it's continually being reinforced.
Are you able to spend a "special" day with her - take her to a rental shop and get her to choose a film she likes then have a duvet on the sofa and cuddle up with some ice cream - purely for her throat obviously lol and just have some time together. you'll feel relaxed, which will rub off on her too.
I completely understand your concerns and she probably will be affected a lot now, it will fade but as she is 5 will probably always remember it - but you could make that memory a happy one by spoiling her for a bit to comfort her which will hopefully overshadow the trauma.

meanwhile - how are you coping having seen all of that? must have been very hard for you x

Jesswithwings

Firstly, I'm sorry your little girl went through that. It was terrible practice on behalf of all the professionals involved. As a paediatric nurse, I would never have allowed a doctor to perform such a procedure on a 5 year old on the ward without adequate sedation at least. I strongly recommend that you get in touch with PALS and make a complaint. I appreciate they said to you the risks of repeated GA warrented them not taking her back to theatre, but she is now at risk of a hospital phobia due to her trauma. There is no reason they couldn't have sedated her if they thought that a general anaesthetic was too risky, but I suspect that the real reason was that it would have taken longer and the surgeon was in a hurry. :eek: terrible terrible practice and shame on the nurse for not being an advocate for your daughter.

WRT helping her recover from her ordeal, I think you are doing everything you can. Perhaps ask her if she wants to help you write a letter of complaint - she could write to the doctor herself (with help!) and tell him how scared he made her feel - it might have a lot of clout if it comes from a little girl. If you brush her feelings aside it may make her think that what she feels is unimportant. In addition use the tonsil fairy etc to reward her bravery.

If she has prolonged feelings of anxiety, a trip to a counselling service will be useful.

I hope she feels better very soon x

somethingsgottogive

Maybe she wants to talk about it, but after seeing you so terrified that you literally ran out of the room she doesn't want to mention it in case she upsets you? Is there anything you can do to convince her that you're not going to 'freak' if she talks about it?

If she's still acting strangely after trying everything people have suggested and after a few weeks, there are loads of great counselling services for kids that she might benefit from - and your local Surestart centre or health visitor should be able to signpost you x

Molly41

I had a similar situation with my DS3 when he had his tonsils out but his happened at home and was very frightening. I guess that because Im a midwife I knew that stuff had to happen quickly and reassured DS3 that this was necessary. However afterwards we were all shocked and this is entirely normal. Keep talking to your child about what happened and explaining the process. Reaffirm that she is safe at home and that things are returning to normal. She is bound to be withdrawn as she is still recovering from the procedure and the anaesthetic. Find things to do with her to take her mind off. We had a little holiday which was wonderful and really got us back on track. Your DD will be looking to you to provide reassurance. I remember sobbing my heart out to a midwife friend about how shocked I was but once i had done that I felt I could let it go. Is there anyone you could talk to in order to help you cope?

pmlindyloo

Jesswithwings wrote: »

Firstly, I'm sorry your little girl went through that. It was terrible practice on behalf of all the professionals involved. As a paediatric nurse, I would never have allowed a doctor to perform such a procedure on a 5 year old on the ward without adequate sedation at least. I strongly recommend that you get in touch with PALS and make a complaint. I appreciate they said to you the risks of repeated GA warrented them not taking her back to theatre, but she is now at risk of a hospital phobia due to her trauma. There is no reason they couldn't have sedated her if they thought that a general anaesthetic was too risky, but I suspect that the real reason was that it would have taken longer and the surgeon was in a hurry. :eek: terrible terrible practice and shame on the nurse for not being an advocate for your daughter.

WRT helping her recover from her ordeal, I think you are doing everything you can. Perhaps ask her if she wants to help you write a letter of complaint - she could write to the doctor herself (with help!) and tell him how scared he made her feel - it might have a lot of clout if it comes from a little girl. If you brush her feelings aside it may make her think that what she feels is unimportant. In addition use the tonsil fairy etc to reward her bravery.

If she has prolonged feelings of anxiety, a trip to a counselling service will be useful.

I hope she feels better very soon x

I really have to comment on this.

Whilst I respect the views of a nurse involved with children and making a complaint is something you may want to think about, I am totally against involving your child.

As a parent whose son went through some ghastly experiences when he was young (from 4 yrs onwards) my feelings are that you have to be very matter of fact and calm, despite feeling quite different inside.

I am not saying that you should tell lies but to explain thing in a simple way, answer any questions and then move on. (distract or whatever)

If you decide to make a complaint then that's up to you but making a huge thing of it and getting the child to 'help' you will, in my opinion, prolong the agony (so to speak).

When these things happen it is very distressing, you feel guilty etc etc. I know this all too well, but please try to separate your and OH's feelings and put them to one side while you are with your daughter.

I wish you and yours all the best.

Molly41

Jesswithwings wrote: »

Firstly, I'm sorry your little girl went through that. It was terrible practice on behalf of all the professionals involved. As a paediatric nurse, I would never have allowed a doctor to perform such a procedure on a 5 year old on the ward without adequate sedation at least. I strongly recommend that you get in touch with PALS and make a complaint. I appreciate they said to you the risks of repeated GA warrented them not taking her back to theatre, but she is now at risk of a hospital phobia due to her trauma. There is no reason they couldn't have sedated her if they thought that a general anaesthetic was too risky, but I suspect that the real reason was that it would have taken longer and the surgeon was in a hurry. :eek: terrible terrible practice and shame on the nurse for not being an advocate for your daughter.

WRT helping her recover from her ordeal, I think you are doing everything you can. Perhaps ask her if she wants to help you write a letter of complaint - she could write to the doctor herself (with help!) and tell him how scared he made her feel - it might have a lot of clout if it comes from a little girl. If you brush her feelings aside it may make her think that what she feels is unimportant. In addition use the tonsil fairy etc to reward her bravery.

If she has prolonged feelings of anxiety, a trip to a counselling service will be useful.

I hope she feels better very soon x

Sorry but I do disagree with you here. If it's an emergency then procedures have to happen quickly. It might be worth asking for an explanation if it helps to put it in context but it sounds to me like this was an emergency and as you are aware then people have to act accordingly.

Lil_Me_2

Can you liken the experience to a visit to the dentist? You've told her they cleaned her mouth and that's what dentists do. You could even go as far as booking yourself in with a hygienist and take her with you to watch. Then she would see you awake with someone using similar looking machines. Try to make it seem as normal as possible.

Jesswithwings

Molly41 wrote: »

Sorry but I do disagree with you here. If it's an emergency then procedures have to happen quickly. It might be worth asking for an explanation if it helps to put it in context but it sounds to me like this was an emergency and as you are aware then people have to act accordingly.

I agree that in an emergency its all hands to the deck... but I read that as it was the final examination prior to discharge that this was noticed. As I read it I assumed the patient was about to be discharged - might be wrong.... often am! We've had patients who have had post-tonsillectomy bleeds and clots forming and we take the patient back to theatre so the vessels can be cauterized properly. We have done unpleasant things to patient's who's life was in iminant danger (on the ward) in peri-arrest situations but I didnt get from the OP that this was one of those cases.