daughter traumatised after op

savingmummy

Thank you all.

My DD freaks at blood so i had to lie and say they took her back to `clean her mouth` if i had said to remove a blood clot and stop you bleeding she`d be in hysterics.

It was horrific and both me and my DH were forced to be there while they did it - neither chose to be there. I refused and stayed on the ward but they come and got me 10mins later after my DH couldnt be there on his own and DD was asking for me.
I begged for them to put her to sleep but they said it was dangerous and then gave me the third degree about how dangerous general anesthetic is etc. At one point the dr got an implement stuck which caused her to choke then vomit - that was when i ran out the room and refused for them to carry on - but they did continue and after a huge fight they did their job, as they said they had to do it or she could possible bleed badly and die

GlasweJen

Asking for counselling would be totally pointless, by the time the OPs daughter got to the front of the queue the op will just be a distant memory.

OP just reassure her, be strong around her and don't give any indication that anything went wrong or that you were ever afraid that anything could have went wrong during her hospital stay. I like the idea of explaining it by saying the doctor forgot to put the plaster on, that's close enough to the truth I expect for a 5 year old. Just explain that her tonsils were out during the magic sleep so of course she wont remember but the only part she was awake for was the magic plaster going on and only really big brave girls could handle something like that. Leave it there and don't bring it up unless she does. Again try not to get emotional.

When I was about 8 I got a heart valve replacement and I was aware under anaesthetic. The doctors didn't believe me until I told them all about the conversations they were having above me and the songs that were playing on the radio station. It was terrifying at the time but my mum reassured me that I just went into a different type of sleep by accident and that it was all ok. Thankfully I couldn't feel anything but I was gobsmacked when I read about it in a tabloid magazine years later and it was described as being some horrendous event.

gunsandbanjos

meritaten wrote: »

DONT lie to her - explain what happened as simply as you can. then go back to gp and demand counselling for her! I had an experience after giving birth where I was awake and aware for what should have been a surgical procedure. I understand where your daughter is coming from............its terrifying - and your DH shouldnt have been part of it - sorry, but your daughter may remember him as part of that and thats what is causing the problems. Your daughter needs specialist counselling I think - and the hospital needs a kick up the arris! that shouldnt have happened!

Why should her dad not have been with her in the anaesthetic room? I go into the anaesthetic room every time my DD has surgery.

Dont understand this bit? Complications happen despite best intentions

savingmummy

KiKi wrote: »

I don't think she needs specialist counselling...it's only been two days. She may well settle and forget it so I'd give it some time. I also don't think anyone can say 'it shouldn't have happened' - sometimes there are emergencies where there's no time to put a child under, and this may have been one of them. Probably best not to judge the hospital without knowing all the facts. Clots are serious, and have to be dealt with immediately. However, I do agree that I wouldn't lie to her, and just tell her that there was a problem and the doctor had to make it better immediately.

OP, it has only been a couple of days, and just being in hospital may have been enough to freak her out - she may have reacted like this regardless of the clot, but you'll never know. Give her lots of cuddles and reassurance, and keep telling her the second thing wasn't her tonsils being removed. She might not believe you yet, but hopefully it will sink in. The only proactive thing I can suggest is distracting her with things to do and her favourite toys and games.

I hope things get better for you very soon.
KiKi

Thank you
At the time i was angry and petrified, was thinking it was all wrong, but now i totally understand it had to happen and quickly!!

I think distraction is best and lots of reassurance i will keep at it!!
Being tired and worried dont help me i`m probably over reacting as it is very early days just so worried she will never believe me.

I have to say i am a very proud mummy and she knows i am.

savingmummy

GlasweJen wrote: »

Asking for counselling would be totally pointless, by the time the OPs daughter got to the front of the queue the op will just be a distant memory.

OP just reassure her, be strong around her and don't give any indication that anything went wrong or that you were ever afraid that anything could have went wrong during her hospital stay. I like the idea of explaining it by saying the doctor forgot to put the plaster on, that's close enough to the truth I expect for a 5 year old. Just explain that her tonsils were out during the magic sleep so of course she wont remember but the only part she was awake for was the magic plaster going on and only really big brave girls could handle something like that. Leave it there and don't bring it up unless she does. Again try not to get emotional.

When I was about 8 I got a heart valve replacement and I was aware under anaesthetic. The doctors didn't believe me until I told them all about the conversations they were having above me and the songs that were playing on the radio station. It was terrifying at the time but my mum reassured me that I just went into a different type of sleep by accident and that it was all ok. Thankfully I couldn't feel anything but I was gobsmacked when I read about it in a tabloid magazine years later and it was described as being some horrendous event.

Thank you
I will definately give it a go and be strong - she may well remember me being so stressed in the room - i couldnt bear it and got a good telling off from the dr LOL!

That happens, glad you didnt feel a thing. Do you remember that happening now?

GlasweJen

Oh and my dolly got heart surgery too, we had matching iodine stained dressings (dolly never had scars though lol). It was good having that, looking after my doll distracted away from everything else for a bit.

ETA yeah I still remember it, mostly remember that the drifters came on the radio at some point because I loved the song at the time (my mum never let us listen to chart music). I don't remember it as being a bad thing, all the bad feeling I have about it came from reading that magazine article some 10 years later.

gunsandbanjos

savingmummy wrote: »

Thank you
At the time i was angry and petrified, was thinking it was all wrong, but now i totally understand it had to happen and quickly!!

I think distraction is best and lots of reassurance i will keep at it!!
Being tired and worried dont help me i`m probably over reacting as it is very early days just so worried she will never believe me.

I have to say i am a very proud mummy and she knows i am.

You're right it is early days, you need to distract her and just get on with day to day life. If she wants to talk, let her. If not, let it lie.

You also need to get a handle on your emotions because she will definitely be picking up on them. You may think i'm being flippant but trust me i'm not. I have been through many operations and emergency situations with my 7 year old since she has been a baby. It is often commented on by medics how calm she, she is actually excited to have spinal surgery in 2 weeks time!!! That is because my husband and i are very relaxed and calm about the hospital situations. We dont make a massive deal about it, we calmly support her through the many unpleasant and painful procedures she has to endure.

Finally, have a big hug:A It is stressful seeing your little one in pain and distressed, it takes its toll on you too.

gunsandbanjos

GlasweJen wrote: »

Oh and my dolly got heart surgery too, we had matching iodine stained dressings (dolly never had scars though lol). It was good having that, looking after my doll distracted away from everything else for a bit.

lol, most of DDs cuddly toys have name tags and bandages.

lolseh

Does she ask you questions about it or do you bring it up with her? I was awake during something I shouldn't have been and I still remember everything, the pain etc and it's put me off going into hospital for surgery or anything but I found not talking about it easier. People kept asking me about it and brining it up so I kept having to relive it. I know not talking about it and trying to deal with it yourself might not work for a 5 year old. Apart from that I would just keep trying to keep her cheered up and take her mind off of it.

savingmummy

gunsandbanjos wrote: »

You're right it is early days, you need to distract her and just get on with day to day life. If she wants to talk, let her. If not, let it lie.

You also need to get a handle on your emotions because she will definitely be picking up on them. You may think i'm being flippant but trust me i'm not. I have been through many operations and emergency situations with my 7 year old since she has been a baby. It is often commented on by medics how calm she, she is actually excited to have spinal surgery in 2 weeks time!!! That is because my husband and i are very relaxed and calm about the hospital situations. We dont make a massive deal about it, we calmly support her through the many unpleasant and painful procedures she has to endure.

Finally, have a big hug:A It is stressful seeing your little one in pain and distressed, it takes its toll on you too.

Your right 100% i`m totally useless i admit that.
I have certainly learnt a lesson from being a panicky OTT mum, sating that i was fine untilk the complication occured as was she

My DS is going in soon for a tonsilectomy so i will need to shape up for round 2!!
I admire you and others who have poorly children having major surgery.
Hope all goes well with your DD in 2 weeks time - speedy recovery too!!