Council Tax arrears from ex threatening my marriage

monstersmum_2

For the next 1 year and roughly 8 months we will remain paying off a council tax bill for a house that my husband never even set foot in, knowing that in the meantime my ex (whose paid nothing) will continuously remain unscathed by the effect it has on me and my family.. a council tax bill that yes i was named jointly on and yes i am held accountable for it yet so is he.. just because he moved to the RoI why should he be exempt in any way of paying what HE also owes to HM?

monstersmum_2

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

But your ex isn't joining in, is he? You need to play the cards you are dealt!

You are facing a difficult set of circumstances I accept that and don't want to sound harsh but I do think you need to be realistic about what you are facing.

If you have no easy legal recourse to get money from your ex then you need to face up to that and move on.

Staying bitter is not healthy and is spoiling your life - please try to look forward and not to the past. Your ex is a special piece of work - accept it and move on.

So why should i give him the honour of playing part time dad? Promises of treats for my daughter when she see's him, constantly trying to buy her affection because he can afford to because he doesn't pay for any tax arrears or maintenance? :mad:

Tiddlywinks

monstersmum wrote: »

So why should i give him the honour of playing part time dad? Promises of treats for my daughter when she see's him, constantly trying to buy her affection because he can afford to because he doesn't pay for any tax arrears or maintenance? :mad:

For your daughter's sake - she should be able to maintain a relationship with her father.

You can continue to be bitter and bang on about all that is wrong or you can just get on with living your life.

monstersmum_2

My ex is all there when he wants to dictate to me how i should bring her up, he's all there when he found out she made friends with her half sister and brother and he didn't want her to have anything to do with them, yet he doesn't even know his daughter, i took her to a JLS concert and she was buzzing, she told her dad and he said 'yeah well i met (some famous ex pro footballer i don't even remember the name because it was just so typically him trying to upstage everyone else) at the airport today'.. OMG??!!

Tiddlywinks

monstersmum wrote: »

My ex is all there when he wants to dictate to me how i should bring her up, he's all there when he found out she made friends with her half sister and brother and he didn't want her to have anything to do with them, yet he doesn't even know his daughter, i took her to a JLS concert and she was buzzing, she told her dad and he said 'yeah well i met (some famous ex pro footballer i don't even remember the name because it was just so typically him trying to upstage everyone else) at the airport today'.. OMG??!!

This isn't just about YOU, it is also about your daughter and your wider family.

Do you allow this anger to spill out at home? That can't be a healthy atmosphere for anyone. I really think you should consider counselling to deal with these issues.

monstersmum_2

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

For your daughter's sake - she should be able to maintain a relationship with her father.

You can continue to be bitter and bang on about all that is wrong or you can just get on with living your life.

He has no values, he has no morals.. his whole life is about him, he thinks he can buy his daughter with naff gifts and chavvy jog suits.. we live our life but we live it so much better when her dad is out the picture :think: and when you get mail like i did on ya door mat it makes you think if maybe you gave someone too many opportunities to basically take the pee x

monstersmum_2

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

This isn't just about YOU, it is also about your daughter and your wider family.

Do you allow this anger to spill out at home? That can't be a healthy atmosphere for anyone. I really think you should consider counselling to deal with these issues.

Anger?? I'm not angry.. i'm annoyed, i'm frustrated, i'm trying to deal with my situation, unless you are in a similar situation i imagine it would be difficult to understand, having lived with an egotistical, manipultive, self centered man for 5 years and having a brilliant, well centered, innovative daughter as a result of that, why would i want to throw her into the lair of a wolf? i know her dad better than anyone, i know his ways, i know his tricks, i know exactly how his deceitful mind works.

Tiddlywinks

monstersmum wrote: »

He has no values, he has no morals.. his whole life is about him, he thinks he can buy his daughter with naff gifts and chavvy jog suits.. we live our life but we live it so much better when her dad is out the picture :think: and when you get mail like i did on ya door mat it makes you think if maybe you gave someone too many opportunities to basically take the pee x

Still fixating on the problem and not on possible solutions - you are clearly bitter and I'm sure you have a hundred and one stories to tell us about how bad your ex is and how great you have been BUT that is not going to help you deal with the problem is it?

How are you going to get the money to pay the debt that is causing a rift with your husband?

Try to answer without using another "he done me wrong" example as this will just, yet again, be backward facing and will not help.

monstersmum_2

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Still fixating on the problem and not on possible solutions - you are clearly bitter and I'm sure you have a hundred and one stories to tell us about how bad your ex is and how great you have been BUT that is not going to help you deal with the problem is it?

How are you going to get the money to pay the debt that is causing a rift with your husband?

Try to answer without using another "he done me wrong" example as this will just, yet again, be backward facing and will not help.

Sorry Tiddlywinks :rotfl: I do like to harp on about what a 'piece of work' my ex IS, and i do feel he done me wrong which does make me bitter.. we pay 10GBP weekly, we can't afford to pay anymore at present, but i've asked the council to look into where the arrears actually arose because for over a year we have paid everyweek, not missed a single payment.. i don't understand why at this point they would threaten me with a commital to prison if the arrangement hasn't been broken, i pay the money directly to the tax office through a standing order so i know the money is paid every week?!

cte1111

I really don't think you are helping Tiddlywinks. Endless sanctimonious lectures is not helping the OP deal with her situation.

Monstermum - you have my sympathy, but sadly it does sound like you are stuck with this debt. I would be mad as heck about it too. It is incredibly hard dealing with an ex who deserves nothing.

Can't imagine my husband's response if someone suggested my daughter's father stayed in our house to save on hotel bills! Think he would be ill just at the thought. Can people who have never been in this situation please give over in telling the OP to be a saintly doormat. She is a person too and deserves some peace of mind.