Council Tax arrears from ex threatening my marriage

monstersmum_2

Both myself and my husband are aware that the debt needs repaying, our financial position at the moment doesn't allow us to pay anymore than we are currently paying off the arrears (citizens advise offered to write to them to reduce the payments but i told them that wouldn't be necessary because we want to get the arrears paid off as quickly as possible), my husband was declared bankrupt in 2009 and we nearly lost the house due to his redundancy, so we have a repossesion order on our house until arrears are cleared, so any spare cash we have goes towards the mortgage, it just pains me when my ex announces to his daughter he won't be ringing her next week because he's going to be on holiday abroad, yet my husband is working all hours god sent just to keep a roof over our heads x

tod123

it just pains me when my ex announces to his daughter he won't be ringing her next week because he's going to be on holiday abroad, yet my husband is working all hours god sent just to keep a roof over our heads x

I am very empathetic to that view, but I also understand, that when a man takes on a woman who has children by a previous relationship , then he simply must understand that he has commitments that go with you.

pinkshoes

monstersmum wrote: »

My ex is planning to come to England in August and take my daughter to the RoI for a few days before they start back at school in September but i am tempted to tell him that this will not happen unless he starts paying what is owed to me and my husband.

Why don't you offer to put him up at your house for free for a couple of nights while he sees his daughter, then he can give you the money he saved on not having to pay your daughters travel costs towards the council tax?

Alternatively (or also...) could you not take a job when your husband is at home to look after the kids? i.e. if he works days, then could you not get a job a couple of evenings a week?

I can see why your husband lost the plot about this...

monstersmum_2

My husband has bought her up as his own for 6 years now, she calls him dad, which her biological father disagrees with and insists that she must stop calling him dad otherwise he won't pay any maintenance (that was one of his stipulations when we discussed maintenance that and me providing him with receipts for everything we spend the maintenance money on), as you can imagine it seems my ex is always calling the shots and my husband feels like a spare part, my ex wants parental responsibility for my daughter and threatened that when he gets it he will stop my daughter from seeing my husbands family (my husbands brother has a criminal record and served time in prison for assault some years ago, however i'm pleased to say he's now a hard working father to a beautiful little man)

tod123

My goodness, it certainly sounds like a rum do.

monstersmum_2

pinkshoes wrote: »

Why don't you offer to put him up at your house for free for a couple of nights while he sees his daughter, then he can give you the money he saved on not having to pay your daughters travel costs towards the council tax?

Alternatively (or also...) could you not take a job when your husband is at home to look after the kids? i.e. if he works days, then could you not get a job a couple of evenings a week?

I can see why your husband lost the plot about this...

My husband works away all week so the only time he is at home is weekends and then it's family time, so i can't even work evenings lol

as for having the ex staying at my house.. i may tempted to set the dog on him

Tiddlywinks

monstersmum wrote: »

My husband works away all week so the only time he is at home is weekends and then it's family time, so i can't even work evenings lol

You have to face facts....

Your ex will stay in your life until your daughter is an adult and old enough to make her own choices.

You resent your ex for his lifestyle choices - fair enough - but, regardless of those feelings, you just need to suck it up.

The debt from your previous relationship must be paid - it doesn't seem fair but that is the way it is and you just have to get on with it.

You need to raise more income to make it easier to repay the debt - you may need to consider weekend evening work or a Saturday overnighter at the local supermarket or burger bar.

Sorry to sound harsh BUT sometimes life is cruddy - you can keep dwelling on how unfair everything is or get a plan together to deal with it. Your ex is not going to change is he? So, you need to deal with this realistically and have some honest and frank discussions with your husband on how to make the situation easier to live with.

monstersmum_2

Because i have done the right thing by both my daughter and my ex (allowing him access whenever for however long he wants) i get penalised both financially and emotionally by someone who, unfortunately, will be involved in my daughters life until she is old enough to take her own sway on things, i could have left him and moved in with my husband not even telling him where i was going but no we invited him round, showed him the area, decorated and kitted her bedroom out before she moved in, so her dad would know that she would be well provided for and what environment she would be living in. We used to drive to his house and drop my daughter off at the weekend when he still lived in the UK, then pick her up afterwards, when he first moved to the RoI we used to pick HIM up from the airport and drop him and my daughter off at his house so she could spend the weekends with him, we went above and beyond what would be expected from anyone, yet i can't get anything from him to financially support my daughter?

I always told my ex if we ever did split up i wouldn't stop him from seeing my daughter, which i haven't. My husband and i have looked down every avenue with regards to work, but without a family network to support me it means we would incur childcare costs which basically wouldn't cover what i could earn, we considered moving to the area where my family live however due to arrears i am blacklisted from their council tenancy list and wouldn't be able to afford privately rented accommodation in that area.

monstersmum_2

Parenting isn't the job of just one person if both parents are involved, it may be my "job" as her mum to do well by my daughter, however it would surely be expected of the father to do the same thing??

Tiddlywinks

monstersmum wrote: »

Parenting isn't the job of just one person if both parents are involved, it may be my "job" as her mum to do well by my daughter, however it would surely be expected of the father to do the same thing??

But your ex isn't joining in, is he? You need to play the cards you are dealt!

You are facing a difficult set of circumstances I accept that and don't want to sound harsh but I do think you need to be realistic about what you are facing.

If you have no easy legal recourse to get money from your ex then you need to face up to that and move on.

Staying bitter is not healthy and is spoiling your life - please try to look forward and not to the past. Your ex is a special piece of work - accept it and move on.