Council Tax arrears from ex threatening my marriage

monstersmum_2

Over six years ago i left my ex partner, i met someone new, myself and my daughter moved in with him and we got married in June this year, since 2006 my husband has been paying council tax arrears from when i was living with my ex, the arrears are in joint names (mine and my ex partners) at the time in 2007 i hadn't realised the extent of the arrears which totalled a whopping 2333.84 :-( it would seem that whilst my ex was working and i was not he had neglected to pay any council tax at two properties we had lived in over the 5 years we were together.. my husband has now paid over 1190 pound and we make regular payments every week, however my ex has not paid a penny towards any of the arrears. Today i received a letter from the council threatening me with imprisonment or bankruptcy because over a year ago (when my husband was laid off from work for 10 months) we missed some repayments, when i told my husband about this letter he flipped his lid (quite literally, ranting, raving and cursing me down the phone), you see his problem is that we are now paying for a council tax bill which isn't ours.. we have paid over half the arrears and my ex (who is also my eldest childs father) hasn't paid a cent, infact in the six years we have been seperated he has only made 2 voluntary child maintenance payments a total of 160 pound.. unfortunately he doesn't have to pay anything legally because he lives in the RoI, i have no leg to stand on if i do not make payments towards the arrears, i have seen citizens advice who have verified this for me and stated that even though it seems immoral there is nothing i can do except request payments from my ex for the sum of half the arrears which i have done but to no avail. My ex is planning to come to England in August and take my daughter to the RoI for a few days before they start back at school in September but i am tempted to tell him that this will not happen unless he starts paying what is owed to me and my husband. Hopefully someone will have some advice for me please, i am at a loss as to what i should do x

balletshoes

No matter how unfair this arrears situation is, unfortunately if you were jointly responsible for the council tax arrears, you are usually jointly and severally responsible ie if one of you doesn't pay, the other one is held responsible, and will be pursued, for the full debt.

As you've already been advised, you can't make your ex pay anything - you can ask him to, but thats as far as you can go.

Can you contact the council and discuss overpaying weekly on your arrears to catch up the period where your husband was unemployed and you didn't pay anything?

Access to your child together and money owed shouldn't be entwined at all, in my opinion. Wouldn't it just be punishing your daughter if you refuse to allow your ex access for the holidays?

Sorry, its a horrible situation you and your husband find yourselves in.

puddy

you cant use access to punish your ex

your ex will have presumably got the same letters as you anyway

why are they only just writing to you now if the late payments stem from last year?

no judge is going to imprison you or take you to bankruptcy if you show that you have been making payments and that any late payments was due to difficult circumstances like unemployment. if you can show that you have a plan which you have suggested to the LA (which is presumably with a debt collector now? the LA dont usually deal with debts at this level),, then the judge will simply agree with that payment schedule

lesson learned, always be aware of what shared responsiblities you have with someone and ensure you have a method of dealing with them. you owe this money from when you lived in the property, unfortunately your ex is next to useless which means if you want to protect your current financial and credit status, you have to pay it

clearingout

Google REMO and have a look on the child maintenance board on this site - if he's in Ireland, it should be possible to get maintenance payments started (assuming he's working?). Don't bring your child into it - she deserves a relationship with dad and can make her own mind up about him as time goes along.

monstersmum_2

I know what you mean which is why i have always allowed my ex access to my daughter even after he took the CSA to court to stop them taking payments off him unpaid for maintenance (he took great joy in telling me that he had won the court hearing and we wouldn't get a penny from him).. we had a big spat in June when he wanted to take my daughter out of school to visit him two weeks before the school holidays and i told him he couldn't because her education comes first, at that point he threatened to stop the child maintenance payments he was supposedly making if i didn't let her go and he threatened me with court action (i stood my ground and told him under no circumstances was i allowing her time out of school when the six weeks holidays were round the corner so he is planning a trip over in August).. my husband knows how wound up i get by him because he tries to manipulate even the most mundane of situations into a big thing.. how would my daughter feel if i was carted off to prison because her dad wouldn't put his hand in his pocket?

Tiddlywinks

Preventing your ex from seeing his daughter would be vindictive towards him and damaging for your daughter - if you use your DD to hurt him then you will end up hurting her too.

The fact that your current husband acted so aggressively over the phone is a bit of a worry - is he normally like this? I can see that he would be unhappy about paying off a debt that is nothing to do with him but you should both have anticipated that the councils would chase up missed payments.

The debt is a joint one (you and your ex) and the councils can chase either or both of you until it is entirely paid - are you able to get a part time job / additional work so that your husband can see that you are doing your bit?

balletshoes

monstersmum wrote: »

I know what you mean which is why i have always allowed my ex access to my daughter even after he took the CSA to court to stop them taking payments off him unpaid for maintenance (he took great joy in telling me that he had won the court hearing and we wouldn't get a penny from him).. we had a big spat in June when he wanted to take my daughter out of school to visit him two weeks before the school holidays and i told him he couldn't because her education comes first, at that point he threatened to stop the child maintenance payments he was supposedly making if i didn't let her go and he threatened me with court action (i stood my ground and told him under no circumstances was i allowing her time out of school when the six weeks holidays were round the corner so he is planning a trip over in August).. my husband knows how wound up i get by him because he tries to manipulate even the most mundane of situations into a big thing.. how would my daughter feel if i was carted off to prison because her dad wouldn't put his hand in his pocket?[/QUOTE]

I seriously hope you're not even subconciously thinking of ever saying anything like that to your daughter :eek:. You are not going to prison, you are not going to be made bankrupt (unless you stop paying as well), over what is less than £1100 now in council tax arrears.

Have a rant about it here by all means, but just because you have paid half, don't think you won't have to pay the other half too. Instead of thinking how your ex is laughing at you about this because he won't pay, and "getting away with it", think instead how much he is missing out on by not having you and his daughter in his life all the time.

Tiddlywinks

monstersmum wrote: »

......how would my daughter feel if i was carted off to prison because her dad wouldn't put his hand in his pocket?

You are clearly unhappy about how your ex has acted BUT please do not let any bitterness creep into your conversations with your daughter about this - that would not be fair. She has the right to love him and make up her own mind when she is old enough to assess things for herself.

Put your energies into finding a way to pay that old debt off as quickly as possible as it is acting as a negative tug back to unhappy times and is preventing you from having a fresh outlook with your new husband.

monstersmum_2

puddy wrote: »

your ex will have presumably got the same letters as you anyway

why are they only just writing to you now if the late payments stem from last year?

lesson learned, always be aware of what shared responsiblities you have with someone and ensure you have a method of dealing with them. you owe this money from when you lived in the property, unfortunately your ex is next to useless which means if you want to protect your current financial and credit status, you have to pay it

The ex hasn't had any letters from them since they tried to apply for an attachment of earning but failed due to him been in RoI

The payments that were missed amount to roughly 50GBP however they can't tell me when i missed the payments so i have them looking into the situation, i have checked bank statements from June 2010 and know that we have not missed a single payment since then

Having had a child with my ex i would assume that he also has responsibility for her not just emotionally but also financially? He doesn't have PR in the legal sense because she was born in 2001.

monstersmum_2

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Preventing your ex from seeing his daughter would be vindictive towards him and damaging for your daughter - if you use your DD to hurt him then you will end up hurting her too.

The fact that your current husband acted so aggressively over the phone is a bit of a worry - is he normally like this? I can see that he would be unhappy about paying off a debt that is nothing to do with him but you should both have anticipated that the councils would chase up missed payments.

The debt is a joint one (you and your ex) and the councils can chase either or both of you until it is entirely paid - are you able to get a part time job / additional work so that your husband can see that you are doing your bit?

My daughter is a very bright and switched on pre-teen bless her, since me and her step dad got married she insists on calling herself by my married name as opposed to her biological fathers name (her decision entirely) and has requested that we change her name by deedpoll (we have not gone ahead and done this due to complications it may cause with my ex), my ex has two other children in the UK who he hasn't seen since they were 5 years old, they are both now 13, i made contact with them over a year ago and my daughter is now in touch with her half brother and half sister yet my ex requested her to stop any contact with them.

My husband is not usually aggressive in that way but with all the problems we have had with my ex recently he is getting increasingly peeved, he feels that i am bowing to my exes every whim whilst ignoring his feelings, my husband works exceptionally hard, goes to work on a monday and doesnt get home again till friday.

We have two other children one 4 and one 3 and even though i would love to go back to work it wouldn't be financially possible with the cost of childcare etc (it is an option i am looking at constantly and without any family support in the area it is made increasingly difficult)

tod123

monster mum, explain to hubby , that you are jointly responsible for the debt with your ex, and it simply must be paid. Tell him, thats its no use grumbling about it, that will get him nowhere.