MSE Parent Club

Snaggles

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SusanC_2

MRS_TO_BE wrote: »

Does anyone have any recommendation on the best age gap to ahve between two children?

My son is almost 11 months and I would like another one. I work 4 days a week and pay out alot in childcare, I would rather be at home with 2 children for the next 3/4 years and enjoy it and have my family complete. Then i can return to work when youngest receives the 15hrs free childcare.

I think it's down to personal preference really. We're intending to have roughly a four year gap for a number of reasons:

• I was very ill when pregnant so we don't want our daughter to be very physically dependent on me when I am next pregnant in case I am ill again.
• It is easier to look after a baby if the previous child is more independent.
• It is easier on your body if it has a break between pregnancies.
• Anecdotal evidence suggests there is much less jealousy of the new baby with a larger age gap.
• I feel like I have time to relax and enjoy this child rather than focussing on when the next one will come.
• I won't need to buy two of anything or have to get a double pushchair (not that I used a pushchair but if I had two close together I'd probably need to).

I can also see advantages of having children closer together but for me the advantages of a larger gap are greater. I am also young enough to have the leisure to choose a larger gap.

purplepatch

MRS_TO_BE wrote: »

Does anyone have any recommendation on the best age gap to ahve between two children?

My son is almost 11 months and I would like another one. I work 4 days a week and pay out alot in childcare, I would rather be at home with 2 children for the next 3/4 years and enjoy it and have my family complete. Then i can return to work when youngest receives the 15hrs free childcare.

Well I like my 3 and a half year gap, the main reason is that the eldest is very independent and can entertain herself giving me my hands free to deal with the little one. Especially at this age of 5 and nearly 2 when the little ones are HARD WORK!!! I'd have struggled to cope with say a 2 and a 3 year old for example, I'm not a very patient person and those ages I found the hardest.

The larger gap also has it's downside when you walk into the living room finding your 5 year old giving your 2 year old a demonstration of the Olympic gymnastics on the arm of the settee. She tries to copy absolutely everything, which is a bit of a nightmare during the school holidays, I can tell you! :rotfl:

But as Susan says, we do get very very little jealousy and most of the time they get on brilliantly, it's obvious that they adore each other and the copying thing means that the eldest brings the younger child on with their development, speech, everything. The eldest is also able to help with tasks, like getting nappies, clothing etc from upstairs which can be a godsend

At the moment they are dancing and singing to the Mamma Mia soundtrack together and giggling like mad, it's very cute

So all in all I'm very glad that we left a largish gap between them. The only real disadvantage I've found is that due to me being a full time mum, not earning for such a long period of time has been hard. So much so that I'm having to go back to work in September which is a good year before I was really anticipating having to. Wasn't banking on the credit crunch though :rolleyes:

chocaholic110

I would say it's personal preference too. I have four and a half years between No. 1 and No. 2, mainly because I went to University and did my degree in the middle but it did have it's advantages in that DS wasn't ever jealous and could help out fetching nappies, playing with the baby etc. When they were younger (they're now 14 and 9) they did still play together.

It does have disadvantages too, for example finding activities they both enjoy when we're out and about - an example is when we go to a theme park until recently when DD reached all the height requirements we were like two families; I took DS on the "big" rides while OH took DD on the things she could go on.

My friend has two boys with only a year between them though and I can see the advantages in that too. Yes, it was hard to begin with but they now always have somene to play with and they will always be at a similar stage to do things together (unlike our family where DS had three years of swimming lessons then when he finished DD then had three years of swimming lessons - 6 years in total for us sitting watching lessons, whereas my friend would only need three years as the boys could do it together.)

On a further note - I now have a 9 year gap between DD and Baby No. 3 - reason being DD was such a difficult baby and toddler it took us that long to forget! BUT it's all come FLOODING back now!

SeptemberBaby_2

MRS_TO_BE wrote: »

Does anyone have any recommendation on the best age gap to ahve between two children?

My son is almost 11 months and I would like another one. I work 4 days a week and pay out alot in childcare, I would rather be at home with 2 children for the next 3/4 years and enjoy it and have my family complete. Then i can return to work when youngest receives the 15hrs free childcare.

Well, as soon as I had Poppy I knew I wanted another one quite quickly! and there will be a 14m age gap when her brother arrives. I really didn't want a few years between them as I wanted them to grow up together, just like I did with my sisters, and luckily thats the way it has happened. I won't be returning to work until they are at school and I have a really strong support network of family which I'm sure has been a deciding factor too. Plus I'll be 35 when my son arrives and I knew I would prefer Poppy not to be an only child so had to get my skates on! .

Good luck whatever you decide!


Thanks for the code, Lu!

Caz, we are looking at Phil & Teds but still can't decide :rolleyes:.

And well done, Snaggles! :j :beer:

x

Dormouse

Regarding age gaps, I agree it's down to each family and individual circumstances. Some are happy with 3 under threes, some want at least 5 years between kids. It's horses for courses really.

We have 4 years between DS1 and DS2 and it suits us perfectly. We don't have any family near us so all the childcare is down to me, and that's one reason why I wasn't ready to have another one too soon. But I don't think there's such a thing as an ideal age gap, it's whatever works for you.

MRS_TO_BE_2

Thank you for all the replys re age gaps. It shows there is no ideal as everyone views things differently. It was interesting to read all the various reasons and its given me and OH some things to think about.

carol9uk

hi, all. just a quick question to the mothers that are breast feeding when did you start expressing.

thanks

nadnad

i started expressing at 4 weeks. i did it so that my OH could help out with the feeding in the evening to give me a break. Initially our wee man took to the bottle no problems but after a few times he started to just play with it. He goes to bed at 7pm now so we've kinda given up on the bottle (cos i have my evenings back now anyway) although if i go out i take one with me just in case i can't feed him, and he does eventually take it if he's hungry. However I still express and am building up a good supply in the freezer and i figure if I don't use it then I'll give it to the milk bank.

Welshlassie

I Started expressing at around 4 or 5 days and DS took to the bottle no problem, not usually recommended, but I was so sore as I had thrush I had no choice.