MSE Parent Club

Scottish-Diva

Well Im already a mum and now a mum to be again!!!!!

I have no items left from my last little ones arrival so it means we are starting from scratch, but this time around Im going to be realistic and not o overboard buying things we will never use:rotfl: thats what I say just now anyway....

Anyone have any advice on how to handle questions from older children about a new arrival and also how to get them involved?
I want to make sure this goes as smoothly as possible.

Thanks

Becles

Congratulations :beer:

How old are the older children?

My sons were 9 and 7 when I fell pregnant with Charlotte. They asked questions and I told them as much as they wanted to know.

The 7 year old got obsessed with pregnancy and read a Miriam Stoppard book from cover to cover, which I let him do as he hates reading and it was a shock to see him want to read a book! He knows everything about pregnancy and then shocked his teacher. They had to design a cover for a non-fiction book, so he called his "in the womb" and drew a cross section of a pregnant lady and labelled all the bits correctly with words such as "umbilical cord", "cervix" "placenta" etc :eek: :rotfl:

I got both boys involved by helping to pick the stuff for her room, clothes etc. They also donated some teddies that they had grown out of, and I let them put them in her room. Out of all her toys, Charlotte loves a second hand Andrex puppy best! He lives next to her changing mat and she gives him a cuddle at every nappy change.

Lu_T

I heard a radio interview with Tanya Byron (of Tiny Tearaways fame) talking about this. She recommended a book called "mummy laid an egg" or something similar, which takes children through it. Not sure if this would be too young for your kid(s). She was basically recommending letting them use the correct language for 'bits' and having a basic understanding of the process (daddy's sperm/seed join with mummy's egg etc).

A friend of mine waited quite a long time before saying anything to her 3 yr old. The theory was that at that age they don't have a good concept of time, so telling them before the 7-ish month mark means they drive themselves (and you) crazy wondering when the baby is coming. Tragicially this was a good decision as she gave birth at 26 weeks with an incompetant cervix and the baby only lived 29 days. It's a bit strange they've been through so much and their little boy has no idea, but at least they've been able to save him the pain. He just knew mummy's tummy was getting bigger and then it got small again.

Not sure if this is any help?

More firsts today. I was greeted by Imogen stood up in her cot this morning (not amused that I had taken a shower when she was awake!). They're coming thick and fast.

Merry Christmas to everyone. Hope it's magical for you all.

Lu T

SusanCarter

On the subject of older children noticing what the baby gets for Christmas, I can't say I can remember ever taking any interest in what my younger brothers got for Christmas or how much they got when we were very young. We were far too interested in our own presents to take any notice of each others. (Having said that my first brother is only two years younger and once the other two came along we had enough presents between us that you wouldn't really notice how much anyone got anyway so it may be different with a larger gap and just two children.) Also the chances are that relatives would give similar quantities to each child so the difference overall will probably not be so significant as when you just look at what you are giving.

Dormouse

I'm glad you all said other babies are not getting shedloads of pressies. I was panicking as I'd only got Alex two presents, and some clothes and stocking fillers, whereas his big brother is getting quite a few big presents (thank goodness for Amazon vouchers from various surveys! :money:).

It is so much easier buying stuff for a 4-year-old, and you could easily go way overboard, but what do you buy for a 4-month-old who has a sibling, so is sorted for baby toys, clothes and all baby paraphernalia? So Alex is having fewer things - not that he's going to mind! It's my DH who, for some reason, feels guilty for not getting him as much stuff as for DS1. Me, on the other hand, I'm a true MSEr so don't mind at all :money:

It's the same with my two nieces: one's 6 and the other one's 16 months, they're sisters so the youngest has all the big sis's stuff so I've struggled with ideas for presents for her too. Especially when the siblings are the same sex, it's tricky as chances are they'll be into same stuff.

Re: nappies, we use a mixture of Huggies, Pampers and Tesco's own (i.e. whatever I get extra points for, I'm not fussy, lol! ). I've found them all pretty much equally good, although perhaps Pampers Baby Dry are marginally better at staying dry at night. It's definitely a case of finding what suits each baby though, they're all different.

Re: older siblings, I've actually been meaning to ask about this too. My DS1 had just turned 4 when DS2 was born. We didn't get any interrogations when I was pregnant, DS1 just seemed to naturally accept that there was a baby in my tum and that was that. However, it's in the last month or so that he's been interested in the facts of life - eek! :eek: The first conversation went somethig like this:

DS1: Mummy... When Alex was in your tummy, and I was in your tummy... did you eat us? :eek:

Me: (trying not to giggle) Er, no, darling, no I didn't eat you.

DS1: So how did we get there?

Me: Well, er, Mummy and Daddy put you there. Together.

DS1: How?

Me: (think think think) Well, Daddy gave Mummy a special seed and then it grew into a baby in my tummy.

DS1: But how did the seed get into your tummy? Did you eat it? (Cue lots of giggling and winking from DH :rolleyes: :rotfl: )

Me: No darling, no I didn't eat it. (desperate for the questions to stop now!!!!)

DS1: Well how? How how how?

:eek: :eek: :eek:
Argh, I really didn't know what to say! I somehow managed to switch the subject to something else, but he has asked similar stuff again later. I mean, I want to be open with my kids and don't want to lie, and want them to feel comfortable talking to us about this stuff when they're older (my parents never talked to me about sex, and I feel that was one of the reasons why I couldn't talk to them about a lot of other stuff too - still can't even now ). But how on earth do you explain these things to a 4-year-old? Anyone, any ideas?

Js_Other_Half

I came across this book for soon to be older siblings - there's even pages for scan pics etc

http://www.kipskabin.co.uk/product_info.php?cPath=29&products_id=562

Js_Other_Half

Hi Snaggles, I'm with MDW on this one - don't tell her miracle stories - it doesn't help. Take your lead from her.

One of my best friends (now godmother to DS) told me she was pg just after we'd been told we'd need IVF. Her DD was born just as we were awaiting the results from the IVF - it wasn't easy but I wanted to be involved and not have her afraid/worried about sharing things with me.

SeptemberBaby_2

Well, my baby has her first cough and cold! Poor little thing....its awful watching her sneeze and cough....she must be wondering what on earth is going on! I hope its all over before xmas (and I have my fingers x'd that neither DH or I catch it!). Anyone know how long it will last - or is that like asking how long is a piece of string?! Dr just said it has to run its course and to give her Calpol...

We have only bought Poppy a Bumbo and a huge 'Guess How Much I Love You' book (I saw that book years ago and promised to buy it when I had a child!). Thats it really as her nursery is full of gifts from when she was born and she really doesn't need anything at the moment. All my family and friends and giving her John Lewis vouchers for xmas so we can buy things like a highchair, etc, later in the year.

jo_b_2

Dormouse wrote: »

I've got something to share: Alex had his first baby rice today! (I weaned DS1 at 17 weeks, as per the guidelines back then, so am doing the same this time round. :cool: ) He absolutely loved it, wolfed it down and wanted more! :eek: :rotfl:

I can't believe it, he's growing up too fast.

Just spotted this Dormouse! :j

Ben's a really good eater. He's picked up the whole eating concept a lot quicker than his brother (maybe because he's the second child?) He's already on finger food and lumpy food!

He'll hold half a banana and eat it himself. He looks so cute chewing it with just his gums! :rotfl:

As for Christmas presents... Our eldest has got loads (No one big present though) and the baby has just got one new toy from Boots and that was bought with Advantage points!! He'll be none the wiser though and isn't short of anything. (Actually, we have splashed out on a new pushchair and we're counting that as an xmas present even though we've already started using it!) :rolleyes:

Becles

Charlotte isn't keen on finger foods. I keep trying her on bits of cooked veg or soft fruit, but she just sucks or licks things then feeds them to the dog :rolleyes:

Even if I put the dog out, she sits and shouts for him. She can't say his name, but she has a certain sound that he now recognises as being his name! There's some weird connection between Charlotte and the dog, as she sits babbling on to him and he responds with gentle woofs and growly noises. I sometimes wonder what they are plotting :rotfl:

Got masses to do before Christmas and don't know how I'm going to be ready in time. I'm starting to regret inviting a houseful for Christmas Day and another lot on Boxing Day