Where do we stand

scotty1971

when the baby is born,she will be laughing,plenty of tax credits,probably get a house paid for her,dictating to your son when he can see the baby(more than likely based on how much cash he is giving her) and be accused of not caring is she doesn't get enough.tell your son to hang on in there and be there for the baby no matter what she says.

red_devil

dosent help but i find it very depressing reading about all these young people up and down the country having babies without being together in a stable relationship and earning their own money etc.

I hope your son and you do get to see the baby as its only right you should do.

gratefulforhelp_2

Mrs._Doubtfire wrote: »

I feel sorry for him that he won't get to witness his child being born. It is a magical thing that happens and for her not to allow him to witness this but to come back into his life once the baby is here is just not fair.

This is a very selfish stance, it is up to her who she has present.

euronorris wrote: »

He may feel sad about missing out on the birth, but that is her choice! Even if they were still together, she could still choose not to have him there. Many women do, so I wouldn't focus on that.

Quite so.

RAS wrote: »

If she is breast feeding then generally, contact should be little and often, say an hour at a time.

If she is breastfeeding, she can insist that it is in her presence (I did).

Elle7

freda wrote: »

Have you seen her since 4 months pregnant? Why did she want everything bought before 4 months? I do hope I'm wrong, but you are sure she's really pregnant, are you?

I have to admit, this was my first thought too.

Mrs._Doubtfire

I know that the dad bought bits and bobs to start with and he also bought the cot but apart from that, I really don't know. I would expect so as I haven't bought anything else since she was 20 weeks pregnant.

I haven't seen her since she was 20 weeks pregnant. My son and her went for that scan and then she came around. A couple of days later she asked if I would give her money to buy some more baby items but I didn't answer her as I didn't think it was her place to ask for money - it should be her and my son discussing it and him asking. I then asked if she would like to come to a family 21st birthday party but she refused, then I asked if she would like to come to a family christening - again she refused. Then she seemed to stop coming to our house but would see my son in the local shopping centre. This happened about 4 times, then she decided she didn't want to see him until after baby was here.

I don't know why she wanted everything getting by 4 months. I would have preferred to have waited until baby was nearly here before paying and picking up the pram but I am just superstitious.

SomersetSaver

There was an earlier question about his rights as a father. Whilst CAB has been mentioned, the excellent Families Need Fathers (https://www.fnf.org.uk) will give you/your son information about where he stands.
HTH

FatVonD

I think in your situation I'd try killing her with kindness, say 'yes' to the new purchases but you're waiting for a new cashcard, 'shall we meet at Mothercare (or wherever) and you choose it and I'll put it on my credit card'. Don't pressure her but let her know that you want to be involved and aren't just her remote cash machine. Tell her how nice it is that you can all do this on an informal basis rather than having to go through CSA where she'd only get £5 per week and 'with us around you can still have some freedom as we'll always be happy to babysit when you're ready', etc.

FatVonD

I'd be tempted to tell her father much the same (in the nicest possible way) about how it's to his daughter's benefit to keep you all onside and ask for his help in keeping the lines of communication open whatever happens with their relationship. If he's not worked out for himself that she'd be shooting herself in the foot to distance herself from you all there's no harm in pointing it out to him (without making it sound like a threat!)

barbiedoll

Of course it is your son's responsibility to support his child (assuming that he IS the father) but it is nothing to do with you, at least financially. I think she has a real cheek asking you for money and to buy her things for the baby, whether or not you are happy to do so is irrelevant. Don't give her another penny, if you want to buy things for your grandchild, wait until it's born, all she needs is a car seat, cot/crib and a few clothes and nappies for when she gets home, everything else can wait.

It's strange that one minute they were besotted with each other and yet now, she can't bear to see him. It's possibly her father's influence, hormones may well be to blame too but anyone would think that she would be glad of her boyfriend's support at a time like this, I just think that it's odd that she would dump him now.

She may well change her mind about having him at the birth though, most women want their baby's father with them when the going gets tough so he may still get his chance to be there, tell him not to give up hope just yet! I don't mean to sound cynical, but experience tells me that it's highly unlikely that she'll breastfeed anyway (although I'd love to be proved wrong!) so I doubt that will be an issue with contact. He (and you) should really think about seeing CAB or a legal advisor, just to get contact and maintenance issues sorted, in case she is difficult later on. Try to speak to her and her dad if you can, a neutral venue is best, so is the softly-softly approach, much as it may stick in your throat. Good luck, I hope your son gets to be the father he wants to be, and that you get to build a relationship with your new grandchild.

abacus73

Is your son absolutely sure he is the father of the baby? Im sorry to ask this but some of the things you mentioned in your first post made me question this. Some of her behaviour goes way beyond just being hormonal.

I cant imagine anything worse than having my dad at the birth of my baby. Seems rather an odd choice.

Personally my first question wouldn't be can his name be on the birth certificate. It would be asking for a dna test.