Where do we stand

mrs_marty

I feel for you, as you sound like you are trying to your level best.

Can you not speak to her father? She is young, and no doubt scared too. (Im sure your son is too) All you can do is try and continue softly until baby is born, maybe when reality hits the girl she will understand the need for all the support she can get and Im not just talking finances.

If not then as others suggest, make it a legal issue, your son does has rights regardless if he wanted a termination at the start, he cant be punished for it.

As for others going on about contraception, he has sperm she had eggs; cant have a baby without either one, if neither one wanted a baby then both parties should have taken precautions - just saying :cool:

Person_one

Mrs._Doubtfire wrote: »

Yes, they were apparently using condoms when this happened. Yes, he did think it was the best thing if they terminated the pregnancy - not just for him but for her also but has stood by her decision not to. He could have walked away from this but he hasn't and he doesn't want to.

I feel sorry for him that he won't get to witness his child being born. It is a magical thing that happens and for her not to allow him to witness this but to come back into his life once the baby is here is just not fair.

The dad appeared to like my son (as did the rest of the family) but once she found out she was pregnant, he turned around and said that they would probably break up anyway.

She has an older brother who has a child with his long term girlfriend and they have split up. They get to see the lad twice a week for the day, so maybe this is what they are used to doing.

She is 18 and he is 17.

Fathers do not have an inalienable right to see their children born.

You're expecting an 18 year old to let her 17 year old ex boyfriend be in the room while she goes through a drawn out, painful, incredibly personal experience, for most of which she'll be naked and exposed and vulnerable. She shouldn't have to have anyone there who she isn't entirely comfortable with.

puddy

ViolaLass wrote: »

Innocent until proven guilty. Besides, she doesn't need to prove whether he was responsible or not, it's not relevant as either way, the girl is now pregnant.

innocent until proven guilty except where this girl is concerned. somehow its all her fault that theres a child going to be bought into the world. give her a break

euronorris

He may feel sad about missing out on the birth, but that is her choice! Even if they were still together, she could still choose not to have him there. Many women do, so I wouldn't focus on that.

I am strongly getting the impression that the father has seen so many young couples go through this, and seen the father b'gger off, so he is expecting it of your son too. He is probably trying to protect his daughter from future hurt. So, I really think that the best thing your son can do is to show them both exactly how much he wants to be there, and start asking how he can best support her, letting them both know also that he has your support too.

j.e.j.

If she is 18 she is an adult, albeit a young one. She is old enough to take responsibility for herself and her child. It sounds to me like she's leading your son up the garden path..

I hope things change and that they can work something out between them. As his parent I don't know if there's much you can do except maybe try to reason with the girl and her family?

Person_one

euronorris wrote: »

He may feel sad about missing out on the birth, but that is her choice! Even if they were still together, she could still choose not to have him there. Many women do, so I wouldn't focus on that.

I am strongly getting the impression that the father has seen so many young couples go through this, and seen the father b'gger off, so he is expecting it of your son too. He is probably trying to protect his daughter from future hurt. So, I really think that the best thing your son can do is to show them both exactly how much he wants to be there, and start asking how he can best support her, letting them both know also that he has your support too.

Also, let's face it, most relationships between people of this age do break up, very few of us end up with the person we were with at 17!

Its pretty sensible for her to be making plans that aren't based on the assumption of them being together forever as a happy little family. That way lies bitter disappointment for many teenage parents.

gonzo127

puddy wrote: »

innocent until proven guilty except where this girl is concerned. somehow its all her fault that theres a child going to be bought into the world. give her a break

i really cant see any blame apportioned in the comment you quoted, actually more a case of someone trying to say no matter if they used no protection or used every protection they could get their hands on, the girl is now pregnant and that is the situation that needs working through not the hows and whys and whos fault it is

puddy

the OP posted some while back that she felt her son had been used as she thought that the girl had got pregnant on purpose with the intention of dumping the son later (or words to that effect) that is what im referring to

peachyprice

puddy wrote: »

and when OP gives us those details that will confirm that the boy was responsible, but she hasnt

I don't quite get what point you're trying to make TBH, these children have gone way past the blame-game, he wants to stand by her and wants to be part of the baby's life, she's the one blocking him out, what does it matter now whether he/she/they used protection?

puddy

i had been responding to the comment by OP that somehow this is all the doings of the girl. she said that she thinks the girl had planned to have a baby all along. i didnt start the blame game and was trying to balance out that a baby takes two people