Where do we stand

vroombroom

Why dont you and your son request a meeting with her dad and her? Do it by email, if you get no reply, knock round at the house? Obviously don't lose your temper but let them know you want to be involved - emotionally, not just financially - for the baby and the mother.

If the nicey nice approach doesnt work, perhaps then ask for a DNA test once the baby has arrived. Then get a solicitor involved x

It saddens me when women act like this, especially when I see the bond between my son and his dad

pigpen

She is young, pregnant, hormonal.. nodoubt hot and grumpy and tired too.

If he didn't want to be part of this he should have used a condom... it isn't like they aren't thrown at teens these days! Therefore YES he absolutely does have to pay... not until the baby is born though when he will spend the next 18-19 years paying maintenance. He doesn't NEED to have his name on the birth certificate though without he has no parental rights so he should have it on.

My baby is due October and is far from my first but if I could have everyone just leave me alone I would.. so I can see it from her POV.. she may aso be feeling fat, unattractive, invaded.. you've done this you know how it feels without the added pressure of a parent dragging you in one direction or another.

I'd leave well alone and see how it pans out.. this may be happening today but tomorrow may be a whole other ball game..

Any

Saying that he wanted to terminate and it was her decision not to and now he has to pay for it will get you nowhere and rightly so.

As much as I feel for the lad and you as a family, it is easy for man to say terminate, when it is not his body, his mind and his psychological state in risk!!!! This sooooo annoys me.

He should have used condom as well as pills then.

gingin_2

I think you need to concentrate on your son's and your long term relationship with the baby. Forget maintenance and birth certificates at the moment and concentrate on trying to develop an amicable relationship.

she sounds very immature, very unprepared and I expect when baby does come and the enormity of the commitment hits her, she might come calling for help. If she has only one parent ( who I assume is working?) she's going to have very little support, and the benefit of a father and doting grandparents might be too tempting for her to ignore.

I would remain cool and calm. Don't go giving in to her financial demands but let her know that you are there to support her if she needs. If you feel weak when she asks for unreasonable money maybe you can put some in a fund for baby that she is aware of but can't touch.

She sounds like a nightmare and I suspect if you act like a doormat, she will treat you like one. Try and explain that the financial responsibilty of the baby is down to her and your son but that you will be there to support her in other ways. I woud treat her like any willful child, which is with warmth but firmly and with boundaries.

I don't think you will have any results until after the baby is born and your son needs to accept this. Get him to be the proactive one, even if she is ignoring him. A text every week, even if it is ignored at least lets her know that he is going to persist.

I have no experience in this though!

euronorris

Does her father like your son, or has he always taken a disliking to him?

I am just wondering if she is constantly being told, by her Dad, that your son doesn't care and will leave as soon as the baby is born etc and so you need to get this, that and the other from him before that happens. He may have even advised her it would be better for her to break things off now etc.

I could be completely off the mark here, but it may be worth trying to connect with the girl and her father, to see if you can work things out amicably and assure them both that he does want to be there for her and the baby.

ViolaLass

You do all know that condoms aren't infallible, right? There's every chance the OP's son was irresponsible and didn't use any protection. And every chance that he was and it didn't work.

OP, given how young the children are, I would approach the girl's dad and try to talk to him. You two are the parents-to-be's support so you should be communicating.

puddy

and when OP gives us those details that will confirm that the boy was responsible, but she hasnt

Person_one

Try to remember that while it seems like this is happening to you, in fact it is mostly happening to a young school aged girl who is dealing with a huge emotional and physical upheaval, a sudden life changing circumstance and a complete readjustment of what her life is going to be from now on. Your son has it really really easy compared to this girl.

Your son's job is to offer his support, your job is to support your son.

His name should be on the birth certificate, he should pay towards the costs of looking after the baby as soon as he is able and its absolutely right that the mother of a child who is not in a relationship with the father gets to choose her child's name! Its a shame that she doesn't feel comfortable about him being there for the birth, but she's a young girl who will be in a very vulnerable position and she has the right to make that choice.

Its natural that you feel protective of your son, but its also natural that this girl's dad feels protective of her too. I agree with euronorris that the four of you sitting down and having a chat might be a good idea (just four, don't outnumber them) but you really need to approach it from a 'how can we best support the girl in having the baby' angle not a 'my son has rights' angle.

ViolaLass

puddy wrote: »

and when OP gives us those details that will confirm that the boy was responsible, but she hasn't

Innocent until proven guilty. Besides, she doesn't need to prove whether he was responsible or not, it's not relevant as either way, the girl is now pregnant.

Mrs._Doubtfire

Yes, they were apparently using condoms when this happened. Yes, he did think it was the best thing if they terminated the pregnancy - not just for him but for her also but has stood by her decision not to. He could have walked away from this but he hasn't and he doesn't want to.

I feel sorry for him that he won't get to witness his child being born. It is a magical thing that happens and for her not to allow him to witness this but to come back into his life once the baby is here is just not fair.

The dad appeared to like my son (as did the rest of the family) but once she found out she was pregnant, he turned around and said that they would probably break up anyway.

She has an older brother who has a child with his long term girlfriend and they have split up. They get to see the lad twice a week for the day, so maybe this is what they are used to doing.

She is 18 and he is 17.