Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

SingleSue

Thanks Lydia....it is a fine line as a divorced parent with children to tread, I don't know how much to tell the boys and what to protect them from as I don't want the accusation of turning them against their father.

The boys though are of sufficient intelligence and maturity to now see for themselves (and talk for themselves!) how bad their father really is. Eldest's response to the post tonight was "Ah, the father who didn't even have enough to pay £20 towards a school trip, who pleaded poverty goes on holiday...what a blooming surprise" In less charitable moments he calls his father a very naughty word indeed (but not the naughtiest).

Middle son is now standing up for himself a little more, he took his paternal grandmother to task a few weeks back when she stated that his father didn't get enough holiday to have them, he informed her that he had a statutory right to 4 weeks holiday a year (he may be aspergic but he is not daft....although the information was a little nugget from youngest who reads up on various weird and wonderful things for his future business).

He is also planning on changing his surname when he is old enough and that will really floor his father, the middle son was always his favourite.....strangely, youngest is not planning on a change of name and ex hubby really couldn't have cared less about him (at one point he offered to take eldest or middle but never youngest for a break and never together), they never got on.

But yes, middle son especially will take his frustration out on me and the other boys and that is the last thing we need right now.....we have our family break coming up soon too.

LydiaJ

SingleSue wrote: »

Thanks Lydia....it is a fine line as a divorced parent with children to tread, I don't know how much to tell the boys and what to protect them from as I don't want the accusation of turning them against their father.

The boys though are of sufficient intelligence and maturity to now see for themselves (and talk for themselves!) how bad their father really is.

I know. It's so hard when they're little, isn't it, and they ask questions to which the truthful answer would be something very derogatory against the other parent indeed. Mine asked all sorts of impossible questions when late-nearly-ex left.

But as you are finding, the problem of how much to tell sorts itself out as they get older; you don't need to tell them anything because they can work it out for themselves. You can have a clear conscience and know that you didn't turn them against him. Whether he and/or his mother will recognise that is another matter. The accusations may still come, but at least you will know that they are groundless.

The thing that gave me some relief from the "fine line" feeling was the discovery that I could explain to my kids, in simple terms, why I couldn't mediate between him and them, and why, if they wanted more attention than he was giving them, they would have even less chance of a positive response if I spoke to him on their behalf than if they spoke to him themselves. Oh, and it was a huge relief to discover that the best answer to "Why does Daddy....?" was "You'll have to ask him." Pity I can't use that one any more!

Generali

Well done PN. It sounds like things are starting to go in the right direction and well done viva for all her help. Hopefully you don't feel so much that it's only you now.

Congrats to fc and son too.

I find out today whether or not I get a job that I applied for.

PS My plums are always ready (sorry couldn't resist, I tried though I really did!)

PasturesNew

Kn4ckered... up most of the night, a Doc came... app set for Hosp this morning .... only the old was too unwell to travel and by just after 6 I had the 999 lot out, who carted the old off. Hoping it'll be an admission.... for days .... so tiring. Aggressive, 4rsey, vile to us when all we're trying to do is help/manage/sort out ... pander to 1001 requests and take all the !!!!!! that comes spewing forth every time they speak at you (not to, AT). It's quiet here now .... kn4ckered, but relieved, it's so peaceful and I will no longer be "wrong" all the time when trying to follow poorly worded orders.

If I get a call in 2 hours saying "come and collect..." I'll just hang up. They can keep the old.

lostinrates

Grrr lost a long post.

PN, in essence I was mainly saying not to worry about rude GP. Its usually their problem not yours. I'm weird about GPs anyway, but I have a couple of friends who have started to bring the attitude outside their professional life.....my ''phobia'' makes me hyper aware of it, but have told one I can'[t stand it. As I'm his girlfriends main line of defence from his mother he's pulled his horns in a bit. But he can't help it and bits of the attitude ooze out. Every now and then when we are talking I remind him he's not God else he wouldn't need to make referrals.

edit: just realise it was Old who was vile not GP. Oops....my own prejudices showing badly!

PasturesNew

Yes, the old
Soooooo utterly drained, kn4ckered. I don't think words exist to describe this feeling of utter release from being on-call/alert/aware and leaping to attendance.... it's like a wave of relief, yet I am too wiped out to embrace it.

And now.. I am looking at the clock and thinking about the tasks I have to undertake to keep everything else on track; in a perfect world I should be up/showered/dressed and about to go out on an errand.... but I am collapsed in a big old T shirt, breathing in the peace.

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

Yes, the old
Soooooo utterly drained, kn4ckered. I don't think words exist to describe this feeling of utter release from being on-call/alert/aware and leaping to attendance.... it's like a wave of relief, yet I am too wiped out to embrace it.

And now.. I am looking at the clock and thinking about the tasks I have to undertake to keep everything else on track; in a perfect world I should be up/showered/dressed and about to go out on an errand.... but I am collapsed in a big old T shirt, breathing in the peace.

Breaks are really important. Can you try and just get an hour asleep now?

Sounds a bit like it is during lambing/foaling or giant breed puppy breeding.

lostinrates

fc, I checked out you internet presense at big shop yesterday. I was a bit frustrated not to be able to see the back of the thing thats very unlike your other stuff on the 360 view. It might be just me, but it was jumping from one side to the other and wouldn't show me the back. Because you often have interesting backs this might frustrate people who are slim enough to wear it and buy it!

It all looks great though.

Hurrah to ds!!

PasturesNew

lostinrates wrote: »

Sounds a bit like it is during lambing/foaling or giant breed puppy breeding.

Except they're not fighting you every step of the way.... it's a constant battle; the old has always been a huge control freak, with bizarre behaviours, but now we're several marbles loose too + fear and stuff. I have no authority, or even opinion/say so.... old didn't want to go with the men in uniform.... I was packing the bag

Random outbursts of aggression, constant demands, unreasonable behaviour, complete 4rseyness/adamance and arrogance....

PasturesNew

I've stuff to do now ..... catch you all later.