Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

lostinrates

Treliac, I'm sorry to read you news. Though its very good to hear from you.


for pn and fc...we had no idea how bad my granny was until her husband died. They seem to do a lot these secret carers! We think in retrospect she probably had been suffering for over a decade (maybe even most of my lifetime)...but that together they'd concealed it quite well. Plus the shock of being first with out him and then taken from familiar suroundings. e.g. she never could remember where her kitchen was in the new flat.....she'd not once forgotton that I saw in her house. Also, my aunt sort of took over, and whereas I asked my granny things like what colour she'd like the walls painted, my aunt just came in and did it...so my granny didn't have any need or emotional ability to engage or take any control.

silvercar

Can I add to the misery?

6 weeks age, one healthy and active parent suddenly feels tired all the time, loses a bit of weight. Goes to doctors, blood tests, scans, biopsy.......last week diagnosed with secondary liver cancer.:(
Still no other symptons.
He's resiliant, just wants some treatment then he'll be fine.

She is in pieces, keeps watching him breathe almost.

Talk to them individually and you'd think they are describing different people. He is up for treatment and is sure he can beat this. She is afraid treatment won't work and will make him suffer for no good.
He's more worried about her than the illness. Can't get more than snippets of second hand info. Can't talk to their doctors and not allowed to accompany them to appointments.



In the meantime, still waiting for primary to be identified, then what treatment they can do

PasturesNew

You do feel helpless and left out silvercar.... last night I discovered the website of the place where my old's been attending for appointments.... and it speaks of things that I've not experienced... like support and support for families. Yet we've not been involved and have no idea of the processes or what to expect. I am going into the next appointment, it wasn't an offer/option before, but we've found out that I can - and how I can achieve it. It's a lot of monkeying around though. You'd have thought "they" would have tried to involve at least one family member at some point. The Hospital i somewhere you go to be dropped off and picked up; you attend and leave. All very clinical and remote, unlike what the website indicates.

Maybe these things are only inclusive for people "in the system" that know how it works and stuff. Like benefits, but for ill people

GDB2222

PasturesNew wrote: »

You do feel helpless and left out silvercar.... last night I discovered the website of the place where my old's been attending for appointments.... and it speaks of things that I've not experienced... like support and support for families. Yet we've not been involved and have no idea of the processes or what to expect. I am going into the next appointment, it wasn't an offer/option before, but we've found out that I can - and how I can achieve it. It's a lot of monkeying around though. You'd have thought "they" would have tried to involve at least one family member at some point. The Hospital i somewhere you go to be dropped off and picked up; you attend and leave. All very clinical and remote, unlike what the website indicates.

Maybe these things are only inclusive for people "in the system" that know how it works and stuff. Like benefits, but for ill people

If it's any comfort at all, I think there's a fog of confusion that surrounds patients, doctors, and the family. MIL (who you may remember fractured her shoulder whilst running for a bus) was told definitively by the neurological surgeon that she needed a replacement shoulder joint as an emergency. On attending the orthopaedic surgeon's clinic, she was told that she definitely did not need a new shoulder. Well, both surgeons can't be right, and I for sure have no idea.

LydiaJ

Hugs to Pastures, silvercar and Treliac (and a big "lovely to have you back on the thread" to Treliac too).

My mum continues her gradual deterioration both with her dementia and her Parkinsonism. My dad is amazing at caring for her, but our familiy's latest complication is finding a temporary care home place for her so he can get his second knee replacement op done. He had the first knee done a few months ago, and one of my brothers was able to take a few weeks off work and go and care for mum, but this time she'll have to go into a home. None of my brothers can get that amount of time off, and although I've got school holidays, I can't be the sole carer for mum and both kids all by myself - their needs are just too incompatible.

GDB2222

LydiaJ wrote: »

None of my brothers can get that amount of time off, and although I've got school holidays, I can't be the sole carer for mum and both kids all by myself - their needs are just too incompatible.

I think you are absolutely right Lydia. You need to put yourself and your children very, very high up the priority list. Otherwise, the needs of the elderly can become overwhelming. I was talking yesterday to a friend whose father is 104. Caring for him is a full-time job, and to be frank she looks exhausted and is angry about the position she finds herself in.

lemonjelly

Holy cr4p!:eek:

Just dropping by (will try & catch up later). Just wanted to share with you the fact that I just did a car insurance search (owing to a :mad: quote from the rip off halifax!) online using "a well known comparison site".

Within 1 minute of getting the results up on the screen, I got a telephone call from one of the providers!:eek: Talk about pushy! That surely is too much!

I am now dreading being spammed to high heaven.:(

lemonjelly

vivatifosi wrote: »

Lj, sorry you have been feeling a bit rough. Did you get a chance to see Dynamo's new show on Watch? I'd never heard of him but really enjoyed it.

Seen the ads Viva, but don't have that channel I'm afraid.

We're a freeview only household ever since illness hit the household a few years ago.:o

Did watch the GP this weekend - which is a rare occurrence for me. Picked a decent race to watch too!:T

lemonjelly

Wheezy wrote: »

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}



Woohoo! At this rate, you'll still have fresh toms around Christmas.

I can but dream. Stuffed toms for christmas dinner! My pease have really suffered, but the bean plants are ok, & the first 2-3 fruits are there. A fair few flowers too.

All of a sudden have a fair few very small toms appearing. I am cautiously optimistic for a decent, but very late crop this year.

Davesnave wrote: »

The thing is, if you've had a permanent address, steady job etc for a reasonable time, there's usually enough of an electronic footprint for banks to check your ID. If you're like my DW was, with only a small presence in databases, it can be harder.

My DW had a Ruffler Bank account which was fine for a few years. Good interest rate too. They even sent her little gifts; an umbrella being one of them. Then, Ruffler was taken over by Aldermore, who soon started asking DW to prove who she was. When DW didn't respond, they got quite stroppy. DW sent them the required docs and pointed out she'd had money in there for years....and where was the Aldermore umbrella? Never got an answer to that. :rotfl:

Ha-ha!
I agree, and you've hit on how some of the more vulnerable can be very adversely affected by some of this.

In example, I have a friend who fled a DV situation years ago. Obviously as part of the rebuilding life situ, there was a time of flux, followed by a time of resettling in social housing. This friend has utilities on meters. Mobile is payg. Bank account is a passbook (as this was all that was available at the time). Children are now over 18 (so no benefits) which always leads to the problem of ID for all sorts, like bank accounts. It was even a major issue providing details for a CRB check for work.:eek:

Wheezy_2

lemonjelly wrote: »

Did watch the GP this weekend - which is a rare occurrence for me. Picked a decent race to watch too!:T

I loved the move Hamilton did on Alonso when the latter just came out of the pits, probably viva didn't It's good to see Vettel being challenged, hopefully Ferrari and McLaren can keep up this form for the rest of the season.

And I wish PN, silvercar and treliac all the strength and courage they need in these difficult times.