Nice people thread part 4 - sugar and spice and all things

neverdespairgirl

PasturesNew wrote: »

No timescale.... I've been told nobody gives you a timescale.... which isn't helpful is it. There's stuff to plan. People would wish to do a last visit probably .... but they'd all want to know a timescale so it'd fit their other plans/stuff. Looks all right today though ... probably not going this week, or this month ..... but who knows.

I think the problem is that they can't give you a timescale - it's one of those things that's almost impossible to predict accurately, until very near the end.

PasturesNew

Until I've got past this week, with its meetings and assessments and hospital consultant chats and nurses and forms etc .... we might have a bit more meat on the bones. I think in 2-3 weeks' time we'll all have settled down and been able to get our heads round the situation, PLUS, I've engineered a brief 2 day window when all the siblings are together... so we can go down the pub for a big chat out of earshot, having all heard different versions and viewpoints of what the olds want ... and we can get out our secret stashes of brochures/whatever if we've got any. We can then thrash out questions/queries among ourselves, so when we sit down with the olds to find out what they want, we don't start disagreeing among ourselves, or questioning each other.... but can focus on what they think/want/fear.

At the moment everything's in a spin as it's a situation you suddenly find yourself in and there's so much to do on the ground, as well as trying to contact and bring in the correct resources (hitherto unknown) and do all the convincing to the olds that XYZ is a good idea.

Attendance allowance for one is being fast-tracked, but I don't think the M People even has the forms yet to fill in. Then there's the (late) realisation we had that the patient has been the secret carer of the other one for years.... even I didn't spot it!! I was doing stuff and not realising we were 'caring' and that the old was completely unable to anything more than get up and get dressed each day Once up they were catered for and waited on hand and foot ... and as they never asked for anything, we just gave, I really didn't see it.

Generali

fc123 wrote: »

The only other option I know of is MIL has very old step parents who have 'care workers' come in everyday.....but they do have to pay and I think it's pretty costly....but they are great. They supplement her own husbands 'popping in'.
Could that be a temporary solution?

If you can show medical need, the NHS will (or at least did) pay for some personal care in the home. My Dad used to get someone over in the mornings to wash him and give him brekkie before he went to the Alzheimer's day care centre.

Perhaps you could persuade them that your specialness prevents you from looking after him properly...?

PasturesNew wrote: »

At the moment everything's in a spin as it's a situation you suddenly find yourself in and there's so much to do on the ground, as well as trying to contact and bring in the correct resources (hitherto unknown) and do all the convincing to the olds that XYZ is a good idea.

You really should get in touch with the biggest charity that deals with the condition your Dad has and they will be able to guide you through. The systems are complex and without a guide you can end up getting stiffed by the system.

fc123

PasturesNew wrote: »

Until I've got past this week, with its meetings and assessments and hospital consultant chats and nurses and forms etc .... we might have a bit more meat on the bones. I think in 2-3 weeks' time we'll all have settled down and been able to get our heads round the situation, PLUS, I've engineered a brief 2 day window when all the siblings are together... so we can go down the pub for a big chat out of earshot, having all heard different versions and viewpoints of what the olds want ... and we can get out our secret stashes of brochures/whatever if we've got any. We can then thrash out questions/queries among ourselves, so when we sit down with the olds to find out what they want, we don't start disagreeing among ourselves, or questioning each other.... but can focus on what they think/want/fear.

At the moment everything's in a spin as it's a situation you suddenly find yourself in and there's so much to do on the ground, as well as trying to contact and bring in the correct resources (hitherto unknown) and do all the convincing to the olds that XYZ is a good idea.

Attendance allowance for one is being fast-tracked, but I don't think the M People even has the forms yet to fill in. Then there's the (late) realisation we had that the patient has been the secret carer of the other one for years.... even I didn't spot it!! I was doing stuff and not realising we were 'caring' and that the old was completely unable to anything more than get up and get dressed each day Once up they were catered for and waited on hand and foot ... and as they never asked for anything, we just gave, I really didn't see it.

Fab news about the siblings and the meeting.....and everyone will be wanting the same thing too.

Also good to read that you are getting some outside advice/help too (even if it sems a bit slow ).

The last para rings a bell with OH's grandfather as he seemed absolutely fine for many years after his wife passed away.
A bit forgetful sometimes and avoided going out and to events but OH's father didn't notice.

Then his neighbour died suddenly and it became clear she had cared for him for several years doing absolutely everything for him.
Unfortubately, he couldn't stay home alone after one bad incident but OH's father had the same thing that he hadn't really noticed how much care he had required as it was given by the neighbour.

It may have to be a step 1, step 2 and so on situation as too much change in one go could stress 'well old' out esp considering the circs right now.

treliac

This seems a suitable time to call in and say 'Hello'. I lost my mum a little while back. I'd been very involved in looking after her as well as running home, family and work, so hadn't had much time to keep up to date with everyone here.

As NOK, I will have lots to do for the foreseeable future. And, I'm finding it really hard to believe and deal with what has happened. Our experience of the NHS over the past few months has borne out all the awful things you hear and read about it.

But it's good to speak with the 'Nice People' again and to know that everything over here is still going on as it should.

treliac xx

PasturesNew

So, kids in bed, the holidaymakers have decided to get w4nkered in the poly-roofed cheap extension area, while listening to music... only two of them, but I could hear hollering ... so I cocked my ear and they're on the phone to some mates repeating over and over and over again: come on holiday, come on holiday, come now, now, come on holiday, now .... I can only pray that their friends realise they are being called by drunk w4nkers and hang up on them.

GDB2222

PasturesNew wrote: »

So, kids in bed, the holidaymakers have decided to get w4nkered in the poly-roofed cheap extension area, while listening to music... only two of them, but I could hear hollering ... so I cocked my ear and they're on the phone to some mates repeating over and over and over again: come on holiday, come on holiday, come now, now, come on holiday, now .... I can only pray that their friends realise they are being called by drunk w4nkers and hang up on them.

I hope you're an early riser, and maybe you need to do some noisy gardening in the morning? Surely you can borrow a petrol mower or leaf blower?

PasturesNew

GDB2222 wrote: »

I hope you're an early riser, and maybe you need to do some noisy gardening in the morning? Surely you can borrow a petrol mower or leaf blower?

Unfortunately not ... I have to tip toe about until the frail olds are up and about, which these days is 9-10am and not 6-8am. They need all the sleep they can get.

neverdespairgirl

treliac wrote: »

This seems a suitable time to call in and say 'Hello'. I lost my mum a little while back. I'd been very involved in looking after her as well as running home, family and work, so hadn't had much time to keep up to date with everyone here.

Sorry to hear that - hope you're surviving. <hugs>

Davesnave

treliac wrote: »

This seems a suitable time to call in and say 'Hello'.

I know they've missed you.

(I say 'they' because I'm not here much these days, but I try to read and keep up.)

Sorry about your Mum, and particularly about the circumstances. It's a lucky dip, or rather an unlucky dip for many. It shouldn't be like that, of course, but I wonder if the NHS was ever in its golden years. I remember my eye ops being cancelled, time & again... I was six.

Dealing with it is hard. I have no advice. Of course it does get easier. My Dad was a release, but I still feel guilty about Mum. Never even said goodbye. It was back in the days when you didn't necessarily tell them....and we didn't.