Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Taadaa

I'm not down on men, for the record.

I'm just not living in a fairytale relationship. Then again I don't think it's my job to rock the baby so perhaps I expect too much :-)

Good luck to PTN as well....you have caused quite a stir on here ;-)

Wickedkitten

euronorris wrote: »

A friend's Dad recently died, after saving his wife when their boat capsized on holiday. He managed to get her out, but then got stuck himself. :(:(:(

Very sad, but shows that (at least some) men will protect their women, their families, even if it means they may die themselves.

When I spoke to OH about it, his reaction was that it was sad, but that he'd do the same thing. He feels it's his role to protect me in such situations.

One of the reasons he was so pleased with me taking up Qi Kwan Do too, as I am learning to protect myself in certain situations, so he feels he doesn't have to worry so much about the 'what if she gets attacked' scenarios.

I don't know why he worries about me so much. Maybe because he's brought up to think that way, maybe it's his genetics. It has absolutely nothing to do with my clumsiness and ability to hurt myself at least once a day around the house!

Heh, I'm usually the one that tries to protect my OH if anything, if he is out with his workmates and I know he is going to be drinking I'll walk to meet him and then escort him back. :rotfl:

Welshwoofs

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Rocking the baby is the womans job, or do you want men to be a protector and rock the baby, while you go out for the night necking shots with your mates.

Whoa there - it's a woman's job to rock the baby? It takes 2 people to conceive a baby and ideally 2 people to raise it. It's both people's job to rock the baby.

Why would a woman need a protector? I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm certainly not some helpless little female who needs looking after and protecting from harm. I don't need a man to supply me with protection or any other practical thing in life; I'd rather have a man who was an equal and that we faced problems jointly.

Taadaa

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Whoa there - it's a woman's job to rock the baby? It takes 2 people to conceive a baby and ideally 2 people to raise it. It's both people's job to rock the baby.

Why would a woman need a protector? I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm certainly not some helpless little female who needs looking after and protecting from harm. I don't need a man to supply me with protection or any other practical thing in life; I'd rather have a man who was an equal and that we faced problems jointly.

Totally agree.

I'm fiercely independant and neither want nor expect anything from a man in terms of practicality. Its about feeling equal and keeping things balanced. 'I want to protect him, he wants to protect me'. Putting an equal amount of effort into a relationship. Facing things together, good or bad. All that jazz.

Lotus-eater

Taadaa wrote: »

Can you see me then?? Freaky!!

Rocking the baby is the woman's job. Rocking the baby is the woman's job? Now that is the silliest thing I have ever read, period.

Yes, sometimes I would expect the man to rock the baby while I go out and 'neck shots' as you put it. Because even the most saintly of mothers needs a break sometimes.

I was only going by your avatar. If it isn't you and you are a much older lady, then it may be false advertising.

You want the man to be the protector, the big man, old fashioned love. Yet you don't want the traditional role for women, it that not a bit double standards? You want to be equal, yet when push comes to the shove, you want men to be the ones that makes the ultimate sacrifice.

All the men I know well enough to have a pint with, would undoubtedly die for their families, without a thought.

Ahh here's WW's wading in. I wasn't the one to bring up a man dying for his woman. Speak to Taadaa about that.

Welshwoofs

Lotus-eater wrote: »

You want the man to be the protector, the big man, old fashioned love. Yet you don't want the traditional role for women, it that not a bit double standards? You want to be equal, yet when push comes to the shove, you want men to be the ones that makes the ultimate sacrifice

I don't see that gender has any bearing on 'making the ultimate sacrifice' - most people, regardless of gender, would risk their own lives to save a loved one in trouble.

Desiring a partner to feel so deeply they'd lay down their lives for you does not equate to wanting a traditional 1950s style relationship where the man's role is to be the protector and provider and the woman's job is to cook, clean, bring up baby and look pretty for when he gets home.

By the way, for my part I don't want to be equal - I AM equal

Lotus-eater

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I don't see that gender has any bearing on 'making the ultimate sacrifice' - most people, regardless of gender, would risk their own lives to save a loved one in trouble.

Desiring a partner to feel so deeply they'd lay down their lives for you does not equate to wanting a traditional 1950s style relationship where the man's role is to be the protector and provider and the woman's job is to cook, clean, bring up baby and look pretty for when he gets home.

By the way, for my part I don't want to be equal - I AM equal

Please debate this with Taadaa, who said.
"There aren't many men married or not that would walk through hell to protect their life partner. Maybe if more men did, their wives wouldn't be off looking for something else :eek: you can't beat a bit of old fashioned lovin' "

Now you're moaning at me, for being something another woman wants.

euronorris

lostinrates wrote: »

I think mine would say much the same. The main reason he's not really enjoying current posting is he worries what would happen if I need help...he doesn't like not being able to ''get to me'' if I need him or want him. In fact, under the duress he's under right now I think he's opt for walking over coals rather than going to work :rotfl: Lots of women are very down on ''men'' as a sex, but I know some lovely genuine men, who I'm sure would go above and beyond for their partners and families.

Oh, I was in a lot of pain a few weeks after having an IUD inserted. My Manager got me a local doc's appt, took me there, and he sent me to the hospital to get scanned etc.

I didn't tell OH at the time, as I wasn't sure if there was really anything to worry about, or if I just had a UTI, or if it was just normal 'settling in' stuff etc.

Thankfully, all was fine, and it was just the IUD settling after first AF. But then I called OH to tell him as I was leaving the hospital. He was not happy with me for not telling him earlier, as he felt he should've been there to support me. So now I make sure I tell him about anything and everything like that. I'm just used to dealing with things like that myself I guess.

euronorris

Taadaa wrote: »

I'm fiercely independant and neither want nor expect anything from a man in terms of practicality. Its about feeling equal and keeping things balanced. 'I want to protect him, he wants to protect me'. Putting an equal amount of effort into a relationship. Facing things together, good or bad. All that jazz.

I agree, in principle, but in our relationship my OH is simply better at the manual, more physical stuff. So, for example, he will always insist that he moves heavy stuff.

And I am better at the emotional side of things, and supporting him with that, getting him to open up, talk it through, and claming him down.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and I feel it is beneficial for us both to use our strengths to support each others weaker areas.

God, did that come out right? I know what I'm trying to say, but I don't think I'm explaining it very well! :rotfl:

Taadaa

Lotus eater, it works both ways.

I didn't say that I wouldn't walk through fire for my partner. If you give it, you should expect it back. Everyone is equal, and there should be no expectations based on gender alone. Obv. I wasn't clear about that at the beginning as it was rather late when I posted it. I wasn't trying to infer there should be gender roles, so if you have taken it that way I apologise for my ambiguity.