Real Life MMD: What should I do about the bridemaid's weight?

TallyHo

I have to say it sounds like it could have been planned a little better, with the bridesmaid(s) being more involved with the initial purchase of the dresses. Sizes are totally meaningless half the time anyway and I have to agree its likely that the other bridesmaid might not fit in their dresses properly. But we don't really have enough detail from the OP.

When I asked my friend to be bridesmaid, she had just announced she was pregnant - with my wedding date being about 5 or 6 months after the due date. As she had absolutely no idea what kind of size she'd be by then, we found a lovely floaty dress in Debenhams, reduced to a bargain price, that to be honest we could have afforded to bin it if she had ended up vastly larger or smaller. As it turned out, we were able to get it taken in a little and she looked lovely - I just wanted her to feel comfortable in the dress, not self conscious.

All these jibes about just stick her on a diet are cruel and unnecessary. If she's a real friend it won't matter if she's wearing something slightly different - especially if you get yourselves down the department stores now - all the sales are on! You might even be able to kit out all your bridesmaids for less than the cost of one replacement! If the OP is more bothered about the dress than the friend, perhaps the friend would be well advised to reconsider the friendship, never mind the wedding.

I'm sure you can some to some agreement.

WhyIsSavingSoHard

gizzie121 wrote: »

I've never heard such nonsense. Healthy food is far more expensive than fattening food. 2 pink lady apples is about £1. For that you can get 6 packets of crisps or a large packet of biscuits. 1 punnet of strawberries is at least £2, you can get multipacks of croissants for that. I could go on, but it is far more expensive, to eat healthily than it is to eat badly. And don't get me started on the cost of corn on the cob!

What about buying frozen veg including corn on the cob? Much healthier than fresh as all the nutritients (sp?) are in there rather than being lost due to sitting in boxes and on shelves and the price isn't bad either. Plus there's value ranges of some fresh fruit, veg and salad. I buy the value apples all the time as I would much rather have some basic fresh bits than none. What you often get in the value ranges are the "not quite the right size or shape" items. 5-6 apples in a bag today for 90p. It's about being clever about what you spend your money on and those apples won't get eaten as quickly as 6 packets of crisps or a packet of biscuits would.

As for the original question, I would have shown my bridesmaids the dresses as soon as I got them not waited until now. But to answer the question - In my opinion because you got them and sat on them early then it's your fault I'm afraid. It's up to you to do something about it to make it right. You knew what size dress you had bought for your friend and you must have seen her putting on weight so why wait until now to want to do something about it? Show her the dress, ask if she feels she wants to and can slim down to get into it and if the answer if no because of not enough time/medical condition/pregnancy then the least you can do is offer to have it taken out at your expense or if that's not an option then you need to buy a new one if you want her as your bridesmaid. And if that means buying new dresses for all the girls and selling the others, then so be it and let it be a lesson to us all.

cathye555

i have a question - what would you if you was thought this was about you? would you confront the bride or wait to see if she has the courage to speak to you?

WhyIsSavingSoHard

If I felt I could, I would show her this thread and say something along the lines of "Wonder what the bride to be will do now? What would you do if you were her?" Start a conversation where she can tell you if she is in that dilemma.

Another suggestion would be to approach the bride to be, get talking about the wedding and say something like "I hope we can find a dress to suit me now cos I know I've put on a little weight these last months". Watch her face and see what happens.

vikki_louise

cathye555 wrote: »

i have a question - what would you if you was thought this was about you? would you confront the bride or wait to see if she has the courage to speak to you?

As your a newbie and your first post is this question, I really hope I'm wrong in thinking you think it might be about you?

I'm not sure if I would confront her or not ut am sure I would spend weeks crying (both at the fact the friend posted this) and at some of the replies. I certainly wouldnt feel like being a bridesmaid to a 'friend' who posted that question up for debate

SJ1

This actually happened to me, the bridesmaid dress did not fit with two days to go until the wedding, my bridesmaid had put on weight and no one had realised as she had been sized for the dress a couple of months earlier.

The seamstress, bless her, fixed it and worked through the night to do so. I am not sure that my bridesmaid ever really realised that she had to work through the night to do so. It all worked out ok and we had a lovely day but it was stressful at the time! Sort it out now and be brave enough to talk to your bridesmaid about it, the longer you leave it the less time you will have to sort it out. In my case we got lucky that we had a couple of days and I was pleased that we had insisted that my bridesmaid came for the fitting earlier than the day before final fitting that she had planned....

SJ

no_control

I have struggled with eating disorders and my weight all my life and some of the horrible, unkind replies on this thread have upset me so much tonight.

WhyIsSavingSoHard

don't let them get to you. I've struggled since forever too. The only thing that matters is that your friends and family love you for who you are not what you are. People who don't know what a struggle it all is, cannot begin to understand that it's as hard for us as it is for someone who's struggling with alcohol or drugs

WhyIsSavingSoHard

I think it makes you sad and makes me wonder why I bothered to send you a nice PM

Editing to add that this reply was wrong as I misread user names. Please see my public apology on post #107 Sorry no_control

no_control

WhyIsSavingSoHard wrote: »

I think it makes you sad and makes me wonder why I bothered to send you a nice PM

Your nice PM meant a lot to me.

I didn't write the horrible reply above - my user name is no_control. If you check again you will see that this unkind comment was written by no_choice_now - another forum member.

How could you think I could post that after what I wrote?