Real Life MMD: What should I do about the bridemaid's weight?

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Former_MSE_Lee
Former_MSE_Lee Posts: 343 Forumite
edited 13 July 2011 at 11:02AM in MoneySaving polls
Money Moral Dilemma: What should I do about the bridemaid's weight?

I bought some bridesmaid dresses some time ago at a good price. One bridesmaid has always had yo-yo weight but is normally a 14ish. Since I asked her to be a bridesmaid she has been on and on about how she'll diet to look good in the photos (no prompting by me). I got her dress in a 16 so it could be taken in if needs be. I recently saw her and she is bigger than ever. Close to an 18 at least. There are about 6 weeks to the wedding and the dress is no longer in stock to get it in a bigger size. I don't want to offend her and ask if she'll be able to fit into the dress, but if I put her in a different one that will be like making her chief bridesmaid when she isn't. What should I do?
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  • Pee
    Pee Posts: 3,826 Forumite
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    It doesn't sound like you have shown her the dress. I think she should have been consulted at the time and then it would now be her problem, but if she doesn't know what size the dress is, then I don't see how she can be expected to fit in it...

    If it's a matter of a few pounds to make it fit better, then I think now is the time for a dress rehersal. It sounds like it is more than that. You say that her weight fluctuates a lot and presuambly she is a really good friend of yours for you to have chosen her as bridesmaid, in which case maybe she could lose the weight? You'd have a better idea of that than I would, but I do know it wouldn't happen with the two people I would probably pick to be bridesmaids... and although if I was your friend I would try very hard to fit into the dress, it probably wouldn't happen with me.
  • Techno
    Techno Posts: 1,169 Forumite
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    Sorry Pee I think we were posting at the same time :D
    Have you had a trying on session with your bridesmaids yet - maybe you could invite her round (on her own) for a glass of wine and a trying on session - if she can see it's going to be too tight, 6 weeks is enough time to lose a healthy 12 pounds (or unhealthily much more) and may be the push she needs to start to lose weight. She might need a bit of support though so could anyone join a slimming club with her (if this is the route she wants to go down) or could you and all the bridesmaids start going to the gym, zumba, cycling to 'get fit' for the wedding?
    ;) If you think you are too small to make a difference, try getting in bed with a mosquito!
  • sysky
    sysky Posts: 87 Forumite
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    if it was me id ask for a dress rehearsal and give 3 options if it doesnt fit, a) she can pay for the alteration herself, b) loose the weight, c) not be a bridesmaid at all. may seem harsh but someone who has so little self controll to balloon like that in such a short time I'm afraid I have no sympathy or patience with.
  • currantbun
    currantbun Posts: 148 Forumite
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    I agree with the two previos posters - get her to try the dress on with you there. If it fits then fine, if its too small then the onus is on her to slim into it!!!
  • leabrook
    leabrook Posts: 5 Forumite
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    Yea give her the dress to try on. then she might starve herself to fit in it, if not drop her as bridesmaid.
  • jax1305
    jax1305 Posts: 47 Forumite
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    wow, some way harsh comments! why not really pile on the pressure - that'll really help with dieting. mmm, maybe a little more supportive attitude might help. i know it's the brides day etc but if she was a real friend, she'd be trying to help rather than getting stressed and compounding the problem. think the comments about not being the chief bridesmaid seems to suggest that maybe the OP is having issues with her choice of attendants and looking for a way out. I'm with techno on this - be supportive, get all the girls (and guys?) to the gym for some body combat, spin, zumba, whatever. and weightwatchers - but realise that if she is overweight she might feel uncomfortable about it. There are probably some very good seamstresses who will be able to expand the dress if needs be - if you really are a good friend then you'll want your mate there as bridesmaid and do what you can to have her there feeling comfortable. if you're not, then it's not your friends weight that's the problem here!
  • robynprincess
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    wow yes, very harsh comments, we dont know the bridesmaid's reason for weight gain. I would ask her to try the dress on and then if/when it doesnt fit, let HER come up with a solution?
  • Fujiko
    Fujiko Posts: 150 Forumite
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    Six weeks to the wedding and the bridesmaids still haven't tried on their dresses? How do you know any of them will fit? The difference between sizes for different makes is well-known, sometimes as much as two inches, so you could be facing alteration problems not just for the overweight girl. Taking a garment in can also be a problem depending on the design, but letting out is nearly always impossiblre given the meagre seam allowances on most bought garments.
    My advice - a mass trying on session without further delay. There is no grreater spur to losing weight than seeing other girls fitting into dresses when you can't even do up the zip!
  • MadamMim2013
    MadamMim2013 Posts: 887 Forumite
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    foxy54 wrote: »
    "we don't know the reason for the weight gain"
    Sounds to me like she might have been over eating .

    Hmm, how nice! I wouldn't want to be bridesmaid to someone so shallow.. no thanks!
    "There's a little witch in all of us"🥰
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  • Jaynne
    Jaynne Posts: 552 Forumite
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    wow yes, very harsh comments, we dont know the bridesmaid's reason for weight gain.

    In all but a minority of cases, such as people with a medical problem such as hypothyroidism, weight gain is caused because calories in > calories out.
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