Real Life MMD: What should I do about the bridemaid's weight?

cazpost

Speaking as someone who is fat, for a number of reasons including eating too much, some of the posters here really do make me despair.
First and foremost, the OP should have taken all the bridesmaids to try the dresses on when she bought them,not just to check sizes,but also styles. Not everyone looks good in certain styles, fat or thin.
Having bought the dress did she tell her friend what size she was expecting her to be?
Why leave it until now to start thinking about it?

Very silly woman

M3NDEREZ

innerpeas wrote: »

Would you be thinking of treating this person in this way is she were a man? Seriously, think about it. If you would treat a man with compassion in such a situation, that's great, but you have double standards. If you would treat a man better than a woman you need to look at yourself - don't shy away from this because it is important. Your attitudes are your responsibility, and you may want to think twice before passing them onto your children.

Yes, I would treat a man differently. I'd point blank tell him that he'd gotten fat, and that he owed me for the suit hire or he could eat less lard, the tubby beggar! And you know what? He'd take it on the chin, because we men are far more rational about such things.. A woman I'd have exactly the same viewpoint with, but would approach somewhat more cautiously.. So obviously, I have double standards..

Personally I don't see what the issue is with telling the little heffer she needs to slim down or not be a bridesmaid.. After all, you're buying the dress, surely she has to accept a little responsibility for her own size? Entirely different matter if she was buying the dress herself; Okay, so you might be a little disappointed that Shamoo was in your wedding photo's, but as a friend, you'd let it slide.. However, a wedding takes a load of planning, and untold expense, so you're just being sensible buying the dresses in advance etc.. If you've told her you'll provide the dress, she has an obligation to stay at a reasonable size..

All personal opinion of course, feel free to tell me what an absolute scumbag I am, ladies.

trinacraig

Hi
I have to say there are some serious bride zillas out there what a scary thought! There are such things as sewing machines and the dress can be altered at hardly any cost if you do it through a Taylor ,this girl could have medical issues or even just has quite low self esteem but if she's a good friend to you be a good friend back and think outside the box. You never know you may be in a similar situation one day!:A

harpyemma

Firstly, as most people have advised, you need to take this women and all your other bridesmaids to a fitting. You may find that the dress can be altered to fit. You may discover that the dress does, in fact, fit as it is. You may find that the dress not fitting is the catalyst to spur your friend into losing weight and making it fit. You may find that none of the dresses fit.

What you may not do is ask your friend to lose weight. Her body is not your business and she does not exist to please or mollify you, even if it is "Your Special Day". Ultimately, it's just a party.

Something to consider: who do you want to be in your wedding more, your friend or the dress you bought for her? I would hope it's the former--and you should be more accommodating considering that this is clearly your error for not taking action sooner--like getting your bridesmaids to try on the dresses before now; or checking the sizing; or talking to your friend about it, like, even once between purchasing the dresses and today.

JoannaS_3

sysky wrote: »

if it was me id ask for a dress rehearsal and give 3 options if it doesnt fit, a) she can pay for the alteration herself, b) loose the weight, c) not be a bridesmaid at all. may seem harsh but someone who has so little self controll to balloon like that in such a short time I'm afraid I have no sympathy or patience with.

That's pretty harsh as you have absolutely no idea why or how she put that weight on!! You assume it's a lack of self control but how do you know?!

What's wrong with giving your answer and leaving it as that? Projecting your issues onto other people only does one thing......makes you look like a fool! Try being nice for a change....you never know you might even enjoy it!! :T

kevanf1

foxy54 wrote: »

"we don't know the reason for the weight gain"
Sounds to me like she might have been over eating .

I have recently (approx 12 months ago) been diagnosed as having an underactive thyroid gland. One consequence of this is that my metabolic rate is drastically slowed down. My ideal weight is around 11 to 12 stone (which I am now) but over the years I had ballooned to over 18 stone. All this time I kept telling myself it was because I overate. This was despite eating very healthily (salads, plenty of vegetables, cutting out fatty and fried food etc).

With this in mind, and from what has been said about the weight going up and down I think it was a mistake in asking this person to be such a prominent part of the wedding.

Of course, I would never have been a bridesmaid... I'm male

dannahaz

Did you really buy dresses without getting the bridesmaids to try them on, or to give you their measurements?

Seems a bit of a mistake to me.

Get your friend round to try the dresses on to sort out what alterations need to be done. If there's a problem, you'll be able to look at alternatives with her (and possibly the other bridesmaids) there. You have presumably got someone in mind who will do any minor alterations anyway, so you can do it with them present as they will have seen all of this before and will be able to offer creative suggestions.

I think asking, or expecting, your friend to lose weight just for your wedding is unrealistic.

Marco12452

If she's not the chief bridesmaid, sack her !!

JoannaS_3

Scubee wrote: »

If they can afford food to get fat, they can afford to get the dress fixed.

Harsh, but fair. She may look in the mirror every now and again,and being fat isn't something you don't know.

Harsh but definitely not fair!!!

Why is it that 'fat' people are treated as if they aren't human and don't have feelings?! Why do people like you think you can make sweeping statements like that?!

Grow up and start seeing life outside of your very narrow minded box!!!

[Deleted User]

Get her a bigger dress, and then also use it as a marquee for the reception afterwards.