Real Life MMD: What should I do about the bridemaid's weight?

mungaman

She knew your wedding was coming up; it's not
like you've only just mentioned it!!
Get her to try the dress & if it doesn't fit, send her off to
the local gym!! Maybe you could all go as moral support!!

carolineb23

I had a similar situation to this with my wedding, except the dress fit in March, by July it wouldn't zip up. The wedding was in August. I was not impressed as there wasn't a bigger size I could swap it for for her, and I couldn't find a different dress that matched the others. Luckily she dieted for a while and borrowed an all in one corset type thing which meant the dress could be zipped up. There was no reason she had put on any weight, illness, pregnancy etc, she had just massively over-eaten. I was really upset actually, I don't think she had much responsibility for the wedding apart from making sure she still fit into her dress and she didn't even seem to be able to do that.
My advice to the op would be to get the dresses tried on asap, and try good underwear and a healthy diet for a few weeks!

judy1010

I think you need to be really sensitive about this, as people who are struggling with their weight often have self esteem and emotional issues linked to their issues with weight. I would have a one on one 'girly evening' with the bridesmaid in question, but only her, and say you want to try everything on with her. If the dress doesn't fit her, but you still want her to 'match' everyone else, she will probably suggest a solution. And if not, be sensitive, propose solutions such as ordering her size from another store (usually these can be collected from your local one) or getting a good dressmaker to take it out.

I think your comment 'I recently saw her and she is bigger than ever' seems very uncaring towards your friend, and presumably she is a good one if you have made her bridesmaid. I don't think the solution should be to pressure your friend into losing weight - it's easy to be unkind about people's weight, but at the end of the day, a real friend wouldn't make this another friend's weight issues an issue and would try to be sensitive about this.

pinkystan

Like other posters, I'm wondering whether you had a fitting session with her so she knew what your expectations were. I was a bridesmaid in April and we all had our first fitting in October last year, then two more before the big day to make sure.

I think you definitely need to let her try it on as soon as possible and then take it from there. If it doesn't fit, let your bridesmaid suggest options, rather than forcing her to lose weight. You might lose a friend instead.

magsandben

The easiest solution is :T
just give her the dress and don't say anything.
just say "here's your dress". then the problem is hers, she will be to embarrassed to say "I'm to fat now sorry" so she will either lose the weight or fix the dress herself.

immoral_angeluk

If it were my wedding I'd be more concerned with having my friend/bridesmaid at the wedding than I would be about her having to fit into 'the' dress which she hasn't even tried on yet. If it doesn't fit I'd just get a different dress in the same colour, I wouldn't put additional pressure on my friend to lose weight. Aren't we supposed to love our friends for who they are? What if she's been comfort eating because of stress/depression? You could make her feel horrible.
Ideally there should've been dress trials for them to do any alterations etc well before now but these things happen.

A good dressmaker should be able to fit a corset in or adjust it if all else fails.

lutzi1

It would do some of the nasty minded posters on here a great deal of good if they had to suffer a medical condition which meant they put on a sizeable amount of weight for at least six months.

Suggestions off the top of my head could include an underactive thyroid, Coeliac disease (once diagnosed), knee problems or other conditions or accidents leading to a lack of mobility, anything causing severe water retention including PMT, or any condition requiring medication which puts on weight. Others can think of plenty more, I'm sure. That's before we even start to consider the other nasty things which can happen in life - death, divorce, etc - which can throw the best of us off track for a while.

The fact you feel the need to make repeated nasty comments about someone you have never met and that you don't know the first thing about says far more about you that it does about this "dilemma".

Sherahhhbaby

Hi, I had a similar thing for my wedding, two of the dresses needed taking in and the third bridemaid got pregnant after I bought the dresses so hers needed taking out. I bought the dresses knowing two of them would need to be taken in so I said I would pay for those alterations as it was my choice to buy dresses knowing they wouldnt fit, my friend who was pregnant kindly offered to pay for her alterations as she knew the size of the dress and knew that as her situation had changed (through her choice) it wouldnt fit. I do think that you need all your bridesmaids to try on the dresses, 6 weeks before does not allow much time for alterations if needed, but be careful with the friend who has put on weight, she might be embarrassed and not know how to talk to you about it, and you dont know what has led to the weight gain, maybe she is going through something but doesnt want to worry you with it at the moment. I think letting her come up with a solution is a good idea if she really doesnt fit in the dress.

Best_Auntie

Firstly there are some hateful comments on here considering this is supposed to be a supportive forum.

The OP needs to consider what is important - the wedding photos or celebrating the day with family and friends? Is the way your "friend" looks more important than having her sharing your day? Honsetly if the dress is more important then go and find some bod off the street thats fits it! Personally if I were your friend and came across this thread I would tell you to stick your wedding as you obviously care more about what she looks like than having her with you.

On my wedding day all I wanted was to have the people I loved around me to help us celebrate our marriage. If my bridesmaids had turned up naked and painted sky-blue-pink I wouldn't have cared as long as they were there next to me. I chose my bridesmaids not because of what they looked like but because I wanted the memory of sharing my special day with them.

Our best man went suddenly and totally bald before our wedding, did I say I didn't want him there in case the photographer's flash reflected off his bonce? I THINK NOT!!!! My youngest bridesmaid has special needs and was prone to temper tantrums and of course she had one on the day. Did I ban her from my wedding? I THINK NOT!!! Of course they are both in our photos (bald head and blotchy tear stained face) but when I look at them I have fantastic happy memories of having special people around me. Everyone commented on what a great time they had and what a happy day it was and this, I think, is the whole point a wedding is a celebration of a marriage not a fashion show and too many couples seem to forget this. Sure it is an opportunity to dress up and indulge in a little luxury and have fun but it's what happens after that's important - enjoying a happy life together not the look on the day. Is it worth sacrificing a friendship for?

The fact that the OP didn't go shopping for the dresses with the bridesmaids and hasn't yet shown them their dresses says a lot. Surely that is part of the fun? Going shopping for dresses and sharing the experience with close girlfriends? I have very special memories of sharing the preparations with my sister, girlfriends and little niece. This bride is missing out on this special time and instead is causing herself unnecessary stress worrying about what people will look like -I feel very sorry for her. She needs to re-focus on what is important - the wedding or their MARRIAGE and celebrating with her H2B their love and happiness with family and friends?

taxing

Sorry but who on earth buys such an important dress without taking the wearer along to the stockist to try the blooming thing on first - really?

Does she even know you have bought the dress?

If you knew she had/has a problem controlling her weight why didn't you choose an appropriate style that would allow fo a bit gain (fitting from under the bust for instance); or check you could get it changed once the intended wearer had tried it on...

Just plain daft if you ask me.....sorry.