Real Life MMD: What should I do about the bridemaid's weight?

vikki_louise

I think some comments on here are out of order!

I would go with the all trying them on and go from there, as someone said good underware can make people drop a dress size.

At the end of the day what's more important, all looking 'perfect' for photos or having your nearest and dearest around you. When your 80 are you more likely to regret a bridesmaid didn't look perfect or loosing a good friend over it?

I was bridesmaid, I was size 14, the other was 16 then the bride and 2 other bridesmaids all had eating disorders (one was let out an ED unit for it), my dress came in the wrong size so they added in the extra bridesmaid who could fit in it and got a new one, I paid for it though as the bride had no money. I would not of appreciated being told to slim down to get in the dress! Oh and my weight was higher then than it is now due to side effects of one of my medications and inability to excerise, no doubt if I followed some people's advice on here if I stopped eating I would of slimmed right down but I have no intention of going down the route sadly other wedding people had.

CLGoggin

I'm being a bridesmaid for my sister in 9 weeks time and the dress doesn't currently fit. It was a wee bit tight when it was bought, but with a gorgeous £150 reduced to £30 and only certain sizes available, I promised I would slim down and make it fit. However, I have since been in a car accident and been unable to do any exercise. I've not eaten any more, but have put on a dress size just due to lack of exercise (and toning). My decision now is to firstly try and loose some weight...to line up a good seamstress to take it out at the seams where possible... and if it really really doesn't fit, give my sister the option of dropping me as a bridesmaid or having a different dress (I'm not head bridesmaid) with absolutely no fuss on my part - it is her day and I want her to be happy. Not being a bridesmaid would be a massive shame (especially as she was one of mine) but ultimately she has enough stress to deal with over the next 9 weeks. I am trying my best to lose the weight because I want to do as I said/was asked. Take the dress round to your friend and get her to try it on. Be sympathetic and try to come up with solutions together - she will realise that one option is for her to drop out....again, being sympathetic, suggest that if this is the last/only option then she could do something else as part of the day, like a reading or something so she still has an important role to play. If she's really a good friend, she will do her best and will be part of your special day, even if not how she'd originally planned. Good luck!

tryinbutlovebuyin

Scubee wrote: »

She may look in the mirror every now and again,and being fat isn't something you don't know.

Ok, so everyone has started a fat slanging match - firstly a size 18 isn't necessarily fat - yes, she sounds like she is heavier than normal but stop with calling the poor girl fat! (And no - I am not fat before you ask)

Regarding the actual problem here, don't panic until you know if the dress fits or not.
As previous posts suggest, organise a fitting for everyone, either together or individually. Then you'll know what you're dealing with, though with only 6 weeks to go I think you're cutting it fine!
Is the dress a popular colour if a panel needs to be set in if it is too big?
And yes it is your wedding day. YOUR day. Enjoy

JoannaS_3

linzi_h wrote: »

So much rubbish is being typed here!! For starters, you would have chosen close people to be your bridesmaids so why haven't you seen her in a while? Why did you buy the dress without her? Why have you not had dress fittings yet? I cannot believe that people seem to think that it's eating crap thats put the weight on!!! People can have health issues where weight may go higher (PCOS, Thiroyd, Contriceptive Pill!) She might be pregnant and is too worried to tell you because you might go mad?? My advice is to have a girly night in with all the dresses to hand and see what happens!

Well done!! I totally agree with you! If I were the bridesmaid I'd pull out, doesn't sound like a good friend anyway!!

double_mummy

this is disgusting

i cant believe how much hatered there is out there for the last acceptable -ism

i would talk to the bridesmaid possibly during a girly try on night

but as i am planning my own wedding i think its crazy that you did not get their sizes or got them to try them on before now. even if they were an internet purchase they should have been tried on straight away

just hope the rest of your wedding planning has gone better than this lol

redglass_2

A.Jones wrote: »

Can't you just cut it up the sides and get some giant safety pins, just like Elizabeth Hurley?

I'm sure tubbs would look good in that.

Did anyone ever tell you that being smug and snide is as unattractive as being fat? Just asking.

OP: The first thing is to try on the dress. Once she's done that you need a frank but not bullying talk about whether she thinks she can slim into it. Then you have to consider your options: leave her/trust her to do that, and/or take steps to ensure that whatever happens, she can still be your bridesmaid. I didn't say 'make sure she can wear the dress', because as other posters have said, it's your friend you want at the wedding, not a frock. Obviously it would be best if she could get into the dress, by dieting or by having it altered. If she has to wear a different dress she's going to be humiliated enough, !!!!!!, but if she can't be bridesmaid then every mention of your wedding is going to be a painful memory of that and I wouldn't expect any anniversary cards. Too many people think marriage is all about the externals, it's about love and support and standing by one another and these things also apply to friendship. Your friend isn't a bit of tacky furniture you can ask to be removed from the wedding venue.
If she is faced with the fact that she can't get into the dress and you say to her, 'I'm a bit concerned because it has cost a lot and it'll be difficult if you can't wear it,' she may come up with a solution herself and even offer to pay, rather than being told, which leaves her some dignity.

All you people prating on about 'all she needs to do is...' If it was so easy, don't you think she would have done it!!!!!!!!!! She's a yo-yo dieter which means she has tried dieting many times before and regained the weight. She knows about bl**dy Slimefast and all the rest of it. She wants to go to the wedding, she wants to wear the dress, she's in a horrible situation. Give the poor woman a break.

M3NDEREZ wrote: »

Yes, I would treat a man differently. I'd point blank tell him that he'd gotten fat, and that he owed me for the suit hire or he could eat less lard, the tubby beggar! And you know what? He'd take it on the chin, because we men are far more rational about such things.. A woman I'd have exactly the same viewpoint with, but would approach somewhat more cautiously.. So obviously, I have double standards....

How very perceptive of you! But while you're congratulating yourself on your emotional intelligence, don't forget that all that soft tactful girly stuff women hand out to one another, they also employ when they're dealing with you. You might not like it if they told it like it is, the way you rational, grown-up guys do... Mind you, some of the comments from posters on here, male and female, make me think they don't really understand the concept of friends and would be a lot happier with shop window dummies instead.

JayD

You certainly need to be getting ALL of your bridesmaids to try on their dresses right NOW!
You might be unpleasantly surprised to find that you have more than one problem to sort there.

If any of the bridesmaids have grown too big fo their dresses you will need to explain that the style is no longer available and that, unless they can find a way of getting into the original dresses, they will have to do one of 3 things : 1) lose weight so they can get into the dresses you have bought 2) buy their own alternative at their own cost, as close in style and colour to the other dresses as possible (with your prior viewing and approval) - not so bad if you are kitting out 2 or more afresh but tricky if it is just one of them 3) not be a bridesmaid.

However, you may choose not to be flexible and maybe 'lose' the bridesmaid in question - with explained deep regrets. It is YOUR day and you should have it exactly the way you want it to be. It is an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid and I am sure your friend would happily diet like cray in order to continue to be yours.

Good luck!

pennypinchUK

You can't seriously be thinking about charging her? And what gain is that anyhow - she still won't have a matching dress. Looks like you're going to have to come up with an alternative dress for her.

alggomas

The solution is simple. Give her, her dress now. This will give her the incentive to loose a little weight/ shape. You can suggest that she can alter it herself to fit.
Asking her to pay is rude and insensitive.

iclayt

You could become the ultimate bridezilla lock her in your spare room and feed her apples and water through a hatch until she fits into The Dress(!) sorry, I mean YOUR dress, because that is essentially what this comes down to. You bought a dress and want your friend to wear it. She can't, and it's not HER fault, it's YOURS for not checking in stages that she could wear it.

Answer this, fat haters - if this dress was sold out, and the girl in question had gone from an 8 to a 12 and no longer fit in the dress, would you all still be calling her such obnoxious names?

True story - a friend of a friend wanted pink bridesmaid's dresses at her wedding. But she also wanted her best friend's (the chief bridesmaid) little girl to be a flowergirl in a matching colour. The little girl had bright ginger hair (really orange!) and it 'clashed' with the pink. She asked her friend to dye her 7 year old daughter's hair brown. Her friend told her in no uncertain terms where to go, and bridezilla was left with no chief bridesmaid and no flower girl.

Think carefully about which is more important - your friend being part of your day, or her wearing the same uniform as everyone else. Handle with care, it could seriously backfire.

My solution, if you really want her in the same dress, is to buy another dress the same (paid for by you!) in any available size, and get a seamstress to install panels in the size 16 dress. Easily done, everyone's happy.