Real Life MMD: What should I do about the bridemaid's weight?

whosforachat

It's your party; you are asking her to do you a favour. You need to accommodate her needs.

awehla

Get together for a fitting with your friend - you never know she might fit into it. If she doesn't ask your friend what she would like to do a) lose weight b) buy a new dress c) not be a bridesmaid at all. I was asked to be a bridesmaid last year and was relieved when my friend said she couldn't have 4 bridesmaids and me and another one of her friends couldn't be bridesmaid anymore. Maybe your friend will be relieved too.

Doesn't sound healthy to be yo-yoing so much maybe she would benefit from counselling/hypnotherapy.

Kiama

I would try an arrange a meeting such as a picnic and take a long walk to a nice place where you have prepared nice healthy food. Talk to her about the wedding and how you hope it all goes well and mention that she needs to try on her dress. The walk, talk and healthy lunch will help her feel committed to trying if it doesn't fit. You should also offer to join her in eating well and exercising together as it will strengthen your bond and healthy changes are always easier with someone.

JaspaC

In my life so far I've gained and lost weight and despite exercising and eating healthily whilst losing weight, and eating excessively and not exercising whilst gaining weight, neither have happened very quickly. A 6 week period (either loosing or gaining weight) would see more or less no difference. Is that not normal?


Also I think you're all being a bit harsh. Just because someone indulges themselves too much doesn't mean they deserve to be humiliated, lose out on being a bridesmaid and be charged for it too. There's already enough embarrassment and discomfort in life for being overweight.
Do any of you do more than 70 on a motorway? presumably, by your own reckoning at least, you all deserve to crash and die?


Can't you compromise on having a different dress or something? Seems like quite a b*tchy thing to do, binning a bridesmaid.

It's only a wedding for christ sake, it's not the end of the world if one bridesmaid looks a little different.

simple_juliet

Its so easy to rectify, why can't the dress be panelled? My chief briedsmaid put more weight on than she lost, but my dressmaker just paneled the dress. no one but myself and the chief bridesmaid knew
Maybe you should have got her to try iy on first and suggested a larger size but hey we all lie. But all you have to do is find a good dress alterer and take all the bridesmaids and the dresses and see what she thinks.
Dont let it destroy your wedding, most things can be overcome
Hope everything goes ok, plus your friend may be feeling the pressure, for a few pounds, it cosr me another £30 material can be added to the dress, just chill, im sure your mate will feel bad too.
We all stress too much about weddings, it goes so fast, i would jsut chill and look forward to it, because at the end it doesnt matter what your attendents look like, so long as the photos are great and you have good memories.

jem1980

Err, does anyone else get the feeling some of the meanest comments are merely here as a wind-up tool to get an argument going?

BTW, if the dress doesn't fit when tried on, I would definitely alter it at my cost.

whisper7832

Hi All. New to this. Are these dilemnas real? I thought they were just discussions. There's no way someone can be so mean as this in real life. I mean, come on. The bride wants the bridesmaid to pay because she's fat? As someone else suggested above, if they're such good friends I'm sure the bride would put on weight if the bridesmaid wanted her to.
And as someone else mentioned, unlike drug misusers, alcoholics and smokers who can give up with the click of their fingers (slight exaggeration) people with weight problems have to wait ages before they see any results so have to stay motivated and require alot more willpower over a longer period of time.
For all those making nasty comments about fat people...People who live in glass houses and all that...

hare_krishna

The bridesmaid needs to go to the doctor and seek advice about her weight. She will be suffering from health issues with all that weight. It is most likely that this lady is suffering from a compulsive neurosis of some sort and as such needs help. Much more important than a wedding is that help is saught regarding the mental and physical problems very likely effecting this person. Obesity is not just a physical problem, it is a mental problem too.

babushkava

I am convinced that your friend does not want to be a bridemaid (shy, self-conscious, doesn't like dressing up?) and is letting her weight gain make the decision for you. Otherwise, she would have either been checking what size of dress you bought, or dieting more than usual.

milvusvestal

She's deluding herself if she thinks she's slimmer than what she was, or doesn't need to diet for the big occasion; she must see herself in the mirror and know what she needs to do.

The only solution is to tell it to her straight. Don't pull any punches. After all, you're the one who's footing the bill for her dress. And if it doesn't fit her on the day, then that's her problem, not yours. Just make sure you have at least one other bridesmaid standing by to take on any role she's agreed to carry out. It's the bride's greatest day of her life, and nothing should be allowed to spoil that.