Mad with ex husband

Dee140157

Ah so much advice and some good and some bad. I wonder if you will even read this thread after all that has been said. So many trained psychologists and nutritionists here with so many different views! I am not going to offer advice as I think there has been enough here to pick and chose from and enough to have to ignore as well.

One single thought to perhaps reassure you - the diet your daughter ate for those 4 days was very heavily laden in salt. As far as I understand it ( I am not a nutritionist, just someone who has had issues with weight herself), salt causes fluid retention and consequently weight gain. With lots of water to help flush the system and normal healthy eating and exercise, I would lay odds on that all that extra weight would be gone within a fortnight and you will have no worries about her health. You know your daughter not us and you will find the best way to handle it. Just don't let your anger with ex, colour you normal cool headed parenting skills! (Sorry that last part sounded like advice, but don't know how to say trust yourself not a complete set of random strangers. )

Molly41

Softstuff wrote: »

I recently went through all the family photos, and noticed something quite striking. I was never that big as a child at all. I looked at all my photos and struggled to find one I would have described as having anything other than puppy fat. I saw photos of my mother as a child though, and she was quite large. And yet I remember that as a child I was "fat", that clothes wouldn't fit, that I had to avoid foods and diet.....

It's all about perception really. If you focus on your child being larger and not fitting into a dress it'll be an issue for her when maybe it doesn't really have to be an issue at all, maybe she's just not grown out of the puppy fat yet.

Yes I did this too recently and also could not find one photo where I was that fat. I felt huge as a child but in reality wasn't. It's about how we feel about ourselves and unfortunately the one person who has the major influence is our mother.

newcook

At first when I saw the comment at pigpen I assumed they were the sort of close friends that can get away with those sort of comments (I have a close friend who has 4 children and she is the first to make that sort of comment at herself)

Anyhooo…! OP I think the way you have approached your daughter on this has been the completely wrong way! You have blasted her dad for giving her junk food for a few days yet you also go on to say that you all eat loads in your household – neither are good ways of eating! While your meals are probably a lot more healthier than takeaways if you are piling it on the plates then that is also adding additional calories. Is DD expected to clear her plate before leaving the table?

You say she has yet to hit puberty – is this just for height and periods or has she started to get a bit of a shape? If its none of it I would possibly do as others have suggested and take her to the doctors – its possible there may be something wrong with her hormones.

In the meantime, lay off her - she is 14 and there is already enough pressure in the media to comply with size zero without her own mother telling her she is fat!

LadyMorticia

Personally I don't think that being a 10/12 is large at all and I know a few 14 year olds who have puppy fat. I'm a bit worried that to your daughter it's coming across that you care more about her fitting into her bridesmaid dress than her herself.
You say that you have had anorexia/bulimia yourself and wouldn't impose weight issues on your daughter, but to me, it seems that's exactly what you're doing.
Your relationship with your daughter is more important than her fitting into a dress.

mountainofdebt

Going totally off topic but why is there so much emphasis on a person's BMI?

I know that this is the holy grail of weight management at the moment, but I'm sure that I read somewhere that they had calculated a top sportsperson's BMI and he would be classed as obese.

iamana1ias

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Going totally off topic but why is there so much emphasis on a person's BMI?

I know that this is the holy grail of weight management at the moment, but I'm sure that I read somewhere that they had calculated a top sportsperson's BMI and he would be classed as obese.

That's true. But the medical community aren't smart enough to come up with anything else.

Tish_P

BMI, quite aside from its other flaws, is not intended to be used to assess children because they are proportioned differently from adults.

kathy206

OP please ease up a bit. Your DD had a fab time with her dad, and that is all that matters. FWIW I believe you are inadvertently projecting your hang ups about weight and image onto your daughter. Why not suggest you all go for walks together, cycling, swimming to build up your activity levels as a family? If you are feeding her healthily then really the excess weight should fall off as quickly as it went on. My mum (bless her) was CONSTANTLY on at me about my weight (still is and I'm 39:D) and this caused me to have a massive issue with food, from early puberty until now, gorging myself and then feeling guilty, then gorging myself....
The fact that she's enrolled in a gym is shouting out to me that she is DESPERATE for your approval. Rather than relying on some stranger to get her more active why not do it yourself? If she's put on enough weight that the zip on her dress won't do up, it suggests that it was a tad too snug in the first place.....

kezzygirl

hermoine wrote: »

Interesting spin there Patty, she tried the dress on it would not do up, zip is on the side but that was a good suggestion. We did the MEND programme in Bristol but it was very poorly run and had a huge drop out rate of 75% and folded. I did go to a second one but found it equally badly run, many parents complaining and children not motivated to exercise. A good idea but a poorly presented program for us.

On her own this evening my DD3 has contacted our local gym and booked herself a session with a trainer tomorrow at half three, no suggestion of that from me so she must want to do it and she says she is looking forward to it.

'I was anorexic as a teen and bulimic as a twenty something so I am not likely to project weight problems on to her.'





H

to be fair,you are doing exactly the same as what u say u arent doing.what on earth are u playing at telling your daughter off for putting on weight and making her lose weight to fit in a damn dress for your benefit?

you make out like you aretn projecting onto her-i can tell you that yes,you are and this sort of thing encourages eating disorders.
I hope for her sake she doesnt listen to your snipey comments about her weight because they are likely to stay with her a long time after the wedding.

ricardo62

take your ex husband 2 a pig farm he sounds like he might fit in ??