Mad with ex husband

hermoine_2

Interesting spin there Patty, she tried the dress on it would not do up, zip is on the side but that was a good suggestion. We did the MEND programme in Bristol but it was very poorly run and had a huge drop out rate of 75% and folded. I did go to a second one but found it equally badly run, many parents complaining and children not motivated to exercise. A good idea but a poorly presented program for us.

On her own this evening my DD3 has contacted our local gym and booked herself a session with a trainer tomorrow at half three, no suggestion of that from me so she must want to do it and she says she is looking forward to it.

I was anorexic as a teen and bulimic as a twenty something so I am not likely to project weight problems on to her.

H

BitterAndTwisted

Am I the only person who finds it difficult to believe that a child (or any person for that matter) can noticeably put on weight in only four days?

pigpen

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Am I the only person who finds it difficult to believe that a child (or any person for that matter) can noticeably put on weight in only four days?

No, 6lb in 4 days at that .. even I can't manage that and some days I will have 4 cooked meals!.. I did start a reply but feel this is going to become one of those threads where it is passing blame and excuse after excuse comes rolling out..

angchris

i think you are blowing this all up out of proportion, so what if she had a good time and put on some weight at her dads..i feel sorry for her being pressurised into getting trim to fit into a dress on a specific day, she`s only 14 leave the poor girl alone give her a break and stop badgering her to lose weight or she will have her own "food issues" when she is older. when she is ready and when she decides she will do it for herself...at 14 im sure she is old enough to make up her own mind.
i would be mortified at 14 if my mum was only worried about what i looked like to other people.

MrsAtobe

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Am I the only person who finds it difficult to believe that a child (or any person for that matter) can noticeably put on weight in only four days?

I once put on a stone in 6 days:eek: but it was when I was away on business and eating far too much as there was nothing else to do in the evenings...

But then I've always had to watch my food intake versus my exercise levels, so yes, it is possible.

3v3

hermoine wrote: »

My 14 year old daughter has just returned from a visit with her Dad. ... She is a chubby child and not very tall, has yet to hit puberty and struggles with her weight. We do what we can to keep her active and hope that when she hits puberty that her weight will sort itself out - this is what happened with her sisters and her brother.

... she will not fit into her bridesmaid dress which she needs to wear in 5 weeks!! ... I am worried that she:

a) will not fit into the dress
b) will think that I am bullying her
c) will go off on some sort of rebellion eating binge

...BTW her dad is morbidly obese and has sleep apnea, type 2 diabetes, gout, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and asthma. You would think he would know better. His new wife and his son are normal size.


...

hermoine wrote: »

...I was anorexic as a teen and bulimic as a twenty something so I am not likely to project weight problems on to her.

H

You state you are not likely to "project weight problems on her", yet, you cannot see that that is precisely what you *are* doing.
I think you have your priorities a little confused here.
a) will not fit into the dress
So????? She's a bridesmaid, not the bride! She's an adolescent c.h.i.l.d. = big changes; daily!
b) will think I'm bullying her
Aren't you? Are you *sure* about that? Are you projecting *your* ideal on her?

It is a size 10/12

That is *not* unhealthy!!!!!!
c) will go off on some sort of rebellion eating binge.
Yup, I think you might be right there! It just may not be an "eating" one - more a confidence/acceptance one?

(can't believe I'm reading this! Even worse, can't believe I'm r.e.p.l.y.ing!!!)

She is your child; she is not your alter ego. By your own admission she has not hit puberty (yet!). Laying down of "puppy fat" is soooo normal at that age! Yes, I believe you are projecting your own food issues onto your child. So, she had a bit of a blow out on food at Dad's - that will not have a major impact on her overall health; how *you* feed her will have more significance.

Sorry, but, in my world, how my daughter feels about her self worth is far more important than whether she fits in a size 10/12 at the age of 14 years old! Whatever her fathers health record, at least she has access and a relationship with her bio father; his health choices are *his* concern!

Ok, I admit, I'm feeling aghast at this thread and maybe not as objective as I prefer to be. But ... WOW!

shy-but-need-help

If she is putting on that much PLEASE get her thyroid checked, my DH has hypothyroidism and is the only person I know who can balloon that rapidly if he strays even slightly off track diet-wise (we can have a lousy weekend of eating from a friday onwards and by monday I'll have a gain maybe of 3-4lb but DH can have gained over a stone in that time)

I like the fact she's contacted the gym but I think it might be alot more constructive (and positive for her self-esteem) if yourself and the rest of the family can join in with activities- as she's your DD3 that suggests at least two sisters who can join in an activity each with her, if not more- you could swim, get out walking (we go wandering in the woods alot and in good weather it's a wonderful de-stress, probably not a bad idea closer to the wedding to give you some time to unwind) go to the gym, cycle... lots of things but I think you'll get a more positive response from her if she feels she's being supported in it and you're all doing it rather than she's at fault and needs to fix the "damage" over the bridesmaids dress.

I have five kids- 4 of them could eat like horses and stay thin, one of them is built like the side of a house (fortunately he's male) so we really do have to work with him as even if they eat the same he'll gain when they don't, staying active as a family stops him feeling singled out and down about it all though.

pigpen

My DD2 is 14 on the 26th.. she is 8stone 12 and 5ft 1.. she wears 10-12 clothing... and she has always eaten like 3 bears!

**Patty**

^^^ what 3v3 said.......Damn beat me to it


I've also got concerns that a reputable gym would book a personal training session with a 14 yr old. All the ones i've used only accept 16 yrs and older.......and certainly not without an adult in attendance.

Think i'll leave you to it on this one............:o

shy-but-need-help

**Patty** wrote: »

^^^ what 3v3 said.......Damn beat me to it


I've also got concerns that a reputable gym would book a personal training session with a 14 yr old. All the ones i've used only accept 16 yrs and older.......and certainly not without an adult in attendance.

Think i'll leave you to it on this one............:o

Our local gyms (council ran) do have a youth membership from age 14 upwards as part of the scheme to try and get more children active, however I know they have alot of monitoring & restrictions (weight limits they're allowed to lift, no free weights, time limits on certain machines etc.)