Pregnancy at 15 advice

Allegra

taxi36 wrote: »

The OP's Daughter does not at this point have a definate mental health problem.

She does - depression. That is probably neither here nor there as far as continuing with the pregnancy goes, but it is an important consideration in deciding which support she will need regardless of what her decision about whether to continue with the pregnancy is.

Read the OP again , it says that the OP is awaiting a visit from a medical expert and she thinks her Daughter may be diagnosed with a condition.

I have read the OP, thanks As well as several other posts by the OP prior to this thread, talking about her daughter. Whilst you are absolutely correct that, according to OP, she does not have a diagnosis yet, there is also the fact that the OP has an AS son, which would put her in a very good position to recognise the signs of AS in her daughter. Basically, if she thinks her DD has AS, then she probably does.

But even assuming that this is incorrect, and she is not on the spectrum, the fact remains that she must have problems and issues that have led the OP to suspect that she might be - therefore, there is still a very strong possibility that when making the decision to keep the baby she really just did not have a clue what her decision entails.

As a mother of a 14 year old girl with AS, this is something I see all the time - her determination to get what she wants very often results in her missing out on what she needs - and I have lost the count of times she told me, when faced with the consequences of a decision that I was reluctant to support, yet allowed her to go with because, well, it was her decision, the negative consequences of it would not be too disastrous, and sometimes the only way to learn is the hard way - aaaand this sentence has run away with me a bit now, so where was I again ? Ah, yes, I have lost the count of times she told me that I should have "explained better" what it would "actually be like" as she just did not comprehend the reality of the consequences of her decision.

Of course, whoever it was that said that the fact that she might be AS does not mean that she can't make a decision is absolutely right, it does not - but it does mean that she is in a greater than average danger of making a decision when not fully aware of the consequences.

Ultimately, it's not about what's right or what's wrong about the situation - that is not something for any of us to judge. It's about being forewarned and thus forearmed; about being aware of all the potential negatives and drawbacks, in order to avoid them if possible, or if the worst comes to the worst, to know how to deal with them and turn them around in a timely fashion. Just going in with fingers crossed and hoping for the best while muddling through can work, sometimes, but it's not really very likely to, and even less likely to in a situation like this than in many others.

Cerisa

I hope things work out for both of you. If she does choose to keep the baby, have a look on freegle for free baby clothes / equipment and get her to use Terry nappies - much cheaper.

*Robin*

OP please do have a look at Mooloo's thread.

Could you get hold of one of those computerised dolls that behaves like a baby? That would be an easy way to show a girl who may have ASD, exactly what it's like to be responsible for a new life.

As the thought of a termination repels her, which is absolutely understandable, I hope you can steer your daughter gently towards considering adoption - which I think will be easier once the girl has spent a week or so [without breaks!] caring for one of those dolls.

Support for vulnerable adults is going to get harder to access as budgets are squeezed - OP you already have a life-long responsibility for your son, can you manage taking on a baby as well as supporting your daughter?

If you think you can, then you have my admiration.

bargainbunny

Hi thanks everyone for your comments and support, as you can tell
im stuck in the middle of a bad situation..
I did send my daughter to spend time with a young family member and there baby to help her bring the situation to life but it really just made her feel more strongly.

She has been referred now to teenage mum group and the inclusions team are helping us with college applications etc so in the future all is set up for her to attend.
Im supporting her and as having alot of knowledge on Aspergers I really do think she has that but I dont think that having it has clouded her judgement but maybe it has not helped her to logically understand
the meaning of life long commitment etc, 2 hr feeding plus the constant attention a baby will require. that said a termination i think would devestate her now and add to her depression.. He depression is linked with her very low confidence and self esteem so with the correct help this will get better.

Im ending my 2yr rs with my bf as he made it quite clear he wont ever live with kids so thats that.. plus I dont want negative people feelings around my little girl/baby..
everything works out in the end eh so wish me luck and my daughter more x

feelex

bargainbunny wrote: »

the only one who hasnt is my bf who thinks she is a chav anyway

I haven't read further into the thread yet but I'd punch any man who said that about my daughter if I had one!!!

feelex

I wish both of you luck. You seem like a genuinely lovely woman who puts everybody else's needs in front of your own.
I hope your daughter realises how much you're giving up for her. I'm sure she'll be an excellent mother with you as her role model.

Sure, it isn't an ideal situation. But flowers grow from dirt. If you have a loving home, you'll get by.
And if things take a turn for the worse, there will ALWAYS be a family who would love to care for your grandchild. With the way things are these days, you could even arrange it so that your daughter would be able to have updates on her child's life if she felt she wanted/needed that.

The best of luck.

bargainbunny

thank you , and yes i wanted to punch him..
hence the reason im breaking up with him.. im out tonight to have some girl time. x

feelex

bargainbunny wrote: »

im out tonight to have some girl time. x

Good. You sound like you need it. Have a great night!

And I hope your boyfriend realises how ridiculous he's been, apologises and agrees to support you.
He should see how much your family needs to be tight-knit and supportive at the moment.

confused201

Cyril wrote: »

I cannot think what your daughter has to offer a baby tbh. No father, a life on benefits, mentally vulnerable etc etc.

Get rid for both their sakes.

what a horrendous thing to say, shame on you.

feelex

confused201 wrote: »

what a horrendous thing to say, shame on you.

I thought so too.
Think sometimes people forget that a baby is a little person, not a ragdoll.